All the things I would have missed…

It’s been a while, I seem to say that every time I write now (oops). Writers block is real, that’s for sure. It’s been a while since I’ve had any inspiration to write something that actually meant something. I used to write all the time and that was great, but I want what I write now to mean something, not just writing something because I feel like I have to. So yeah, it’s been a while and that’s okay. I got the inspiration to write this when a memory from 7 years ago popped up on my phone the other day, some may find this a bit deep, some may not have a clue that this was ever a thing in my life and some will know all too well, wherever your at with knowing or not knowing, I’m good, we’re good. Sometimes I write things or share things and realise that some people never knew these things happened or existed in my life and then I get messages saying this, which is fine, the support is much appreciated, but no one needs to feel guilty for not knowing, especially if you have known me for years and didn’t know – that’s okay, I promise. I’m sure there’s loads I don’t know about some of my friends and that’s okay – we only share what we feel people need to know, and sometimes these things don’t come out till years later and that’s okay too. I’ve got a lot to share but these things will come out when I’m ready to talk about them.

This memory that popped up on my phone, it was a reminder of how low I was 7 years ago, and it’s crazy to me to see how far I have come. It made me think about all the things I would have missed if 7 years ago I decided what I wanted to decide back then (if you get it, you get it).

7 years is a long time, a lot changes. But if you had of told me then that things got better, and a lot of people did, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was told everything would change, things would get better, but I didn’t believe it. I was so low that I couldn’t see a way out, I couldn’t see how anything could get any better. I was 16, going through it. I’d been going through it for a while, and the only way I could see a way out was to disappear. Sounds crazy now, that I didn’t think things could get any better, it was just so hard to believe that they could. It’s crazy to me how much I would have missed out on…

I’m a lot happier now than I was then, a lot more confident, I’m not 100% where I want to be but I’m getting there. I’m a different person to who I was back then, I used to let people walk all over me and treat me how they wanted to, sticking up for myself never worked so what was the point. I used to be somewhat shy, I said that to someone the other day, that I used to be really shy, now no one can get me to shut up (Sorry not sorry😂).

I’ve made so many friends since then, friends that are actually friends. Which is crazy to me, I used to think that how I was treated before by so called friends was how everyone gets treated – update: its not. Anyone that makes you feel like your less than you are, or makes jokes at your expense, or little comments that they know will hurt your feelings – Their just not friends, let’s be honest. I had a lot of friends like that at the time, not all of them, but a lot of them, and when I look back at it now or talk to people about things that happened it just makes me realise even more what was going on. I don’t blame them mind, I do understand some of the things that happened, if you have to choose between being bullied with your mate or not being bullied, I sort of get it.

But the friends I’ve made, and they know who they are, its crazy that I would have missed that. So many of them have been a big part of who I’ve become, sounds cheesy, but its true, each and every one of them taught me something and have helped me in one way or another to realise my worth and what I can really do. I’ve got so many memories with them, even small things, but I would have missed that too, and I’m so glad I didn’t, I’m so glad I have got to experience all of the memories and laughs that I have.

I would have missed getting to see one of my best mates become an amazing mum, getting to see how far she has come and watching him grow up into an awesome little dude. We could never have predicted where we are now, but we’re doing it and I’m so proud of us💗.

I wouldn’t have got to see one of my best mates get married – I’m so glad that I get to see you being really and truly happy – you really do deserve it💗.

I’ve got to see so many of my friends do so many things, and I would have missed that, which is crazy. I’m so glad I didn’t. From watching friends move away and becoming their own person, and starting families, getting engaged, getting jobs that none of us ever thought would be possible – not because of who we are but because of where we come from – being told where we’d end up and then proving them wrong. I mean, most of us were meant to end up working in fast food (not that there is anything wrong with that – its just not our end goal) – I’m just so glad I got to see it, and I know your all going to go a lot further. I’m just so unbelievably grateful that I got to meet you guys. I’m so glad I stuck around to meet the ones I have💗. I can’t wait to see where we all end up, I know your all going to go far – good things come to those that deserve them and you all really do deserve the best!💗

I’ve met so many new friends through uni and jobs I’ve worked at. To think I would have never met some of them is just – there’s no words – I’m just so glad I did meet them. I’m a different person to who I was 7 years ago, saying that though, I’m a different person to who I was a year ago. Each year more is changing, I’m meeting different people – amazing people – and their all having a positive impact. (We won’t talk about the ones that don’t bring positivity cause they don’t matter all that much) – Saying that though, they have helped in one way or another I suppose, helping me learn to stick up for myself. Realising that I just don’t care all that much about what is said about me anymore – it’s defiantly helped.

Uni – I would have missed out on going to uni. Not that I thought it was possible for me 7 years ago, I didn’t think anyone like me would ever even get in. It seemed impossible, I was told it wasn’t something that I would be able to do, but here I am – this time next year I would have graduated and I’m so looking forward to that! I’m looking forward to so many things – the future is looking bright. Brighter than I ever could have imagined. Some of the people I have met at uni are so lovely and kind, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – kind people are my kinda people. They truly are just so lovely.

I’ve got to watch my brother grow into who he is, I was able to watch him grow in confidence and just in general – I’m so proud of you, you’ll get where you want to be, I know it. Keep going💗

I’ve got to watch some of my friends graduate – I’m so proud of you guys – you smashed it!

Getting to meet everyone that I have, and seeing the friends I’ve had for a long time – getting to see where their going and where their ending up, I’m just so proud of them all. Some of us never thought we’d be where we are now, so I’m forever proud! Getting to watch things happen that we never thought would be possible, some of you have achieved amazing things.

Everything is just falling into place and I’m so happy about that. I never thought I’d have the confidence to openly talk about my mental health and how things used to be but I’m getting better at it, and slowly opening up to those that matter. Before, when I did talk about it, I spoke about it to the wrong people, not all of them, but some of them, I’d be made to feel guilty for what I was going through mentally and how my mental health was – made to feel like what I was experiencing was my fault, but there were so many factors into why I felt the way I felt. Everyone’s feelings are valid, no one should ever be made to feel guilty for the way they’re feeling. Also, being told that others are worse off than you, although that’s true, there will always be someone worse off, it doesn’t mean that the way someone is feeling isn’t valid – all problems are problems, there isn’t a competition on who is going through it worse – everything is valid.

This memory brought a lot back for me, and I’m just so grateful for where I’ve ended up. At 16, I didn’t think I was going to make it to 18 and when I got to 18, things were a tiny bit better but I was still in the same mindset and didn’t think I was going to make it to 20. This week I’m turning 24, I didn’t think I would end up getting to 18 or 20, let alone 24. Things got a lot brighter. One of my best friends told me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, although I found that hard to believe at the time – the tunnel seemed really long but she was right, there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

At 16, when things went wrong and my mental health was just rubbish, it really seemed like the world was coming to an end, or at least it would be easier if it did. There was so much I had to put up with from different people, making my life awkward and harder just so they could have a laugh – When I speak about half the things that happened to me now, especially to people that didn’t know me back then, they always seem so shocked. I didn’t realise before just how messed up some of the things that happened were, so when one of my friends are shocked about something, it really puts what I was feeling into perspective.

I’ve been told lots of times that I shouldn’t still be talking about this stuff, that it shouldn’t bother me anymore and that I should be over it because of how long ago it was – but some of this stuff wasn’t even that long ago. For perspective – the last prank call I received was in 2020, before I changed my number for like the 6th time, and the last time someone tried to be nasty to me wasn’t that long ago – these things that happen / happened to me, they weren’t really that long ago. People heal in different ways, and talking about it helps. There is no time frame on how long someone is supposed to take to “get over” things. Talking is therapy. People find different ways to deal with things, mine is talking about it. It helps to make sense of what has happened, a lot of the time, I speak to people now that didn’t know me back then, and sometimes they can’t even make sense of it – like they don’t understand why it happened or why it happened to me – and neither do I, but it is what it is, and talking helps. I went to counselling for a long time to talk about the stuff that was going on in my life, when it was actually happening and that helped, but at some point the counselling had to come to an end and I needed people to talk to about it. So I talk to friends that don’t mind listening, and it helps, it really does. I didn’t like talking about it before, I hated that I had to go to counselling, I hated that I had to talk about it and repeat things that were said to me or go over events that had happened, but its different now, I’m not going through it, I’m just talking about it – and it helps. That sounds like I talk about it all the time – I don’t, just when it comes up, or when I need to explain to a friend why I don’t want to go to a certain place to eat cause I’m avoiding the person that works there – I’m getting better at the not caring though, I’m working on it – your not living rent free in my head no more, but sometimes its just easier to avoid some people instead of seeing them.

Bullying and all the other shit that I went through – it should never be the case that it makes someone want to end their life. When it gets to that point, its no longer a bit of banter – I mean, it wasn’t a bit of banter long before that, but some are still confused, I still get told it was a bit of banter. Which is crazy. If some of the things that happened then were happening now, in the “big wide world”, they would be escalated a lot further.

My point is, the banter was never banter, it went way too far. With my mates now, I have banter, and I feel like the people that say what happened back then was banter, they clearly have a different type of banter to me and my friends. A lot of people have apologised for how they were back then, for things they said and how they treated me – I don’t want people to think that some people have never apologised, cause some have and that’s okay. I never really know what to say when it happens though, I know people change, I know people become better people but I never really know what to say. Especially when they were a big part in it all, its just hard to know what to say. When people usually apologise for things I usually say that it’s okay, but I never know what to say when what they did was in fact not okay. I know I should probably have that figured out by now, but I’m working on it.

7 years ago I wrote a letter, to my friends and family. To the ones that I knew would eventually get to read the letter, it was just so much easier to write a letter telling them how I felt, rather than talking about it out loud. I used to find talking difficult and sometimes I still do, but I’m working on it. Sometimes its just so hard to talk about emotions and mental health, mental health especially – but its slowly becoming less of a taboo subject. At school, anyone that spoke about their mental health openly was being an “attention seeker”, whether they were serious or not, it should have been taken seriously. Usually when someone talks about their mental health, its their way of asking for help. I know my letter was me asking for help. I either needed help or a way out. The help I got wasn’t great, but it was a start. I went to counselling more, I spoke to teachers more about how I was feeling – talking is therapy and it really does help.

You can imagine what the letter said, I’d had enough. I was just about ready to disappear as I didn’t see it getting any better. I didn’t think life was worth living because of how it was and how I was being treated. The way I was being made to feel made me think it’d be easier to give up. At the time that seemed like the only way out, I know that probably sounds silly now but that’s genuinely how I felt. So I wrote the letter. Slowly things did get better. I’m really glad they did, and I’m glad I’ve ended up where I am. Things can only get better (we hope – don’t want to jinx it too much). It’s just crazy to me how much I would have missed.

I still have bad days, or days when I struggle with my mental health – I’m not going to pretend that I don’t or that life is a ray of sunshine all the time – but my bad days never get as bad as they did back then, so things have improved, the way I deal with things has improved. That was the lowest I had ever been – I can’t imagine feeling like that now, feeling as if it’d be easier to give up entirely. Things have got so much better since then and I’m looking forward to the future – as I said before, its looking so much brighter.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, bad days will get better. If this is the worst day ever, things can only get better. If your in this place in your mind and it’s real dark, believe me I know how dark it can get – but honestly there is light at the end of the tunnel and things really will get better. Even when it seems like they won’t, I promise it will, I never thought so before but things really do get better. I used to hate when people said that to me, that things will get better, it was just so hard to believe them, but really, they will get better. Things got better for me when I really couldn’t see a way out, I met lovely people who have helped to change the way I see things, who have shown me what I’m worth – real life guardian angels I reckon. Whenever I’m with a group of my friends – having the time of my life – at my happiest, I always think about this not being a thing, I would have missed it, and I’m so glad I haven’t.

I’m so proud of how far I’ve come, and I’m happy – happier than I ever thought I could be.

Sometimes it seems so much easier to give up, especially when you’re going through it, but things really will get better. There’s so much more to experience, this is just a little part of it and it really will get better.

Until next time, stay safe & take care – Ally xo

Samaritans – 116 123

15 Thing You Can Do While On Lockdown…

Hey guys, so I got a few messages back from some of you about my last post, so since then I’ve decided to write a short list of the things you can do to keep you busy while on lockdown. I know that there is a longer list of things that people can’t do, but when this is all over, and it will be over at some point (Even if it doesn’t seem that way) – You will be able to do those things again and it’ll be so worth it (Sort of – Don’t think that’s the right word to use).

15 Things that you can do while on Lockdown:
1. Fall back in love with a hobby that you might not have been able to do for a while.
2. Go for a walk or a jog – Just stay 2 metres away from others (Got to be safe)
3. Read a book or two.
4. Catch up on that series that you haven’t been able to watch in a while.
5. Do the odd jobs that you’ve been putting off.
6. Redecorate or move things around in your room / house.
7. Talk to your friends and family over Facetime – Life gets in the way sometimes, which means you may not be able to talk to your friends or family as much as you want to, use this time now to catch up.
8. That thing that you’ve put off doing because you’ve been so busy with life? Take the time to do it now (Unless you can’t due to lockdown)…
9. Go through your things, are there things that you no longer need? Sort it out so that after this is over, they can go to the charity shop.
10. Play board games with your family or complete a puzzle.
11. Don’t forget self care – take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, ect. This is probably the most important thing right now!
12. Start a new hobby? There’s so many things you can do inside with very little equipment.
13. Practice something that you want to be good at.
14. Chill out and enjoy the weather in your garden.
15. We have been given a pause on life, use this time to rest and recharge, to get creative, to do things you wouldn’t usually have time to do.

So there’s the list. Take this time that we have been given and use it as a positive. I’m using this time to write more, read more and do things that I have been putting off for a while. I’m sure the list could be longer, leave a comment below and let me know what your spending this lockdown doing.

This was meant to be posted a week after my last post as it’s been in my drafts for that long but it seems odd, especially as this isn’t what I usually post, but then again, this is an odd situation. Sorry for the delay, there will be more posts soon.

Until next time. Stay home and stay safe. Much love – Ally xx

2020, Here we come…

It’s been 5 years since I started my blog! Thank you so so much for all the support xx

The end of 2019 is coming near and I’m so ready for 2020. New opportunities and experiences are coming, I just know it. There’s no other way to look at it than positive.

I’ve already wrote a post about how my year has gone but I thought I’d just post a little update. I spent my entire year, taking a little 1 second (sometimes 2 or 3 seconds) of video per day from January 1st to now (31st December), just so I could document it (for fun). Although anyone that sees the video (I may post it on my blog Facebook page), may think that my year was quite boring. It is one second out of a whole 24 hours, for 365 days of the year. Looking back at it, I have a just one regret, I didn’t get to see my friends as much as I would have liked to, but life is busy. I feel like I spent most of 2019 in a classroom or sat in front of a textbook, the outcome of it being like that was that I got the result that I wanted.

This year hasn’t been as great as it could have been (see my last blog post if you want to know more), but then again it hasn’t been the worst year. I’ve met so many amazing new people, (some of them don’t even know how amazing they really are), that have welcomed me in with open arms (literally). I have never felt so accepted and at home as I do with these people and that says something about where I am.

2020 is going to be a good year, it may start off rough but I’m hoping it’ll work out. Life can only go as well as you want it to go, I suppose.

So with that being said, I just want to wish all my friends and family a very happy new year! You got this!

Keeping this very short but sweet. Happy new year everyone! I’ll be back very soon with a new blog post. Much love, Ally xx

It’s almost 2020 and this year has been a mess…

Hey all, I’ve wrote this and rewrote this maybe 100 times, maybe not this post but ones similar to it. I haven’t posted since July, I’ve wanted to, I just haven’t had the words to say what I wanted to say. It’s almost the end of 2019 and although I said I defiantly wasn’t going to say “this year is going to be my year”, I secretly hoped it would be. I mean, there’s still time and I’ve accomplished some amazing things this year, even if others don’t think their that great. I think they are.

This year has truly been a mess. January was the most unmotivated month, it started off really well but then things cooled down and weren’t that great, (I ain’t going to go into it but if you know then you know). February, we lost our first family pet and my Great Gran.

I’m going to confess to something that only a few people know, I never wanted a dog, dogs scared me. I liked dogs when I was little until I stroked one that bit me, that was kind of when I got scared off by them. My brother and my dad would always stroke dogs when we were out in town or whatnot and I’d always walk far far away from them. Until my dad decided we were getting a dog, that I defiantly didn’t want (11 year old me was harsh lol). But we got her anyway, my brother named her Poppy. She was a staffy, people were scared of her but my fear of dogs started to disappear, and now when my dad or brother lean down to stroke a dog so do I. ‘Cause although I may not have wanted her, she did change my life (as cheesy as that sounds), she put muddy paw prints on my bed, chewed my socks and drove me mad, but she was the best first pet that I could ever of had.

We lost my Great Gran in the same week as we lost Poppy and although we knew she was ill and wasn’t going to get any better it still hit home. She was great, everything a gran should be❤

March was a little bit better, my amazing brother turned 18, we celebrated with expensive ice cream (There’s not a better way to celebrate it – don’t even argue with me).

April came and I was starting to get ready (properly) for exams and final essays – anyone that’s in education will already know how stressful this really is. I also started a new job in April that I enjoyed, lets be honest, working with kids who think your cool, when you most defiantly are not, is one of the best things (p.s. I already know I ain’t cool, I agree haha).

May was quite hard, I lost my Great Nan after a long and difficult fight with Dementia. We knew it was coming but that wasn’t any easier once she had passed. I was quite close to my Great Nan growing up, she’d get us in trouble playing drums on the saucepans in the kitchen, or she’d tell us really cool and interesting things about what it was like to be in the Land Army during World War 2. She was one of the nicest people I had in my life and although we knew it was going to happen eventually, that didn’t make it any easier.

To have this happen in May and then get prank calls, it didn’t make this any better – some of my friends are going to hate what I say next (I ain’t defending them, just making a point). To whoever it was that was prank calling me (and I’m 90% sure I know who you were), I know you didn’t know that this was going on in my life, not to ask for sympathy or whatever (cause I don’t want it or need it) – not that it would have made a difference, you probably still would have said those awful things. BUT it just goes to show that you shouldn’t do those shitty things, everyone is going through a silent battle that you know nothing about and although in your defence you didn’t know, that’s not the point. It’s not cool to be cruel, be kind. In a perfect world everyone would be a lot nicer to one another. Hope you think about that next time.

The rest of May and June were just hard work, I got through all the exams I had and finished those essays – I finally finished college, the stress from that was finally over (sort of, results day was looming).

July hit with some bad news, which I ain’t going to talk about, just know (although everyone already knows this), Cancer sucks.

My brother also graduated in July – which I’m super proud of, he proved everyone wrong and is doing great. Just goes to show that not everyone knows what their talking about, especially when people say “you will NEVER accomplish…”. Have a little faith.

August came and so did results day, I passed my course, better than I thought I would and accomplished something that I thought I never would. I worked so hard throughout the whole year with a lot of things that could and probably should have held me back but that was the best thing to come out of this. That I done something that I got told I would never achieve.

September hit and I turned 21, I’ve never spent a week celebrating my birthday but I can’t tell you how great that week was. I got to spend the best time with the most amazing people! I can’t thank them anymore than I already have for making it great.

October and November were spent volunteering for The Royal British Legion, where I met some of the most interesting people, it happens every year, I get to listen to more and more interesting stories by the most amazing people. Heroes is probably a better word for them.

So in July, I got a new job, working with the most amazing people. I couldn’t fault a single one of them (Not that I’d want to anyway), they are the most loveliest people, they are funny and just there, whenever I need help. We’re a real team. As I said the other day, it sets the bar high. I’ve never had it where everyone is so nice, there’s always someone but it’s not like that this time (unless their all really good actors🤣). At the beginning of November, we got some really bad news, and as bad as it is, their all still amazing. I actually look forward to going to work – that’s what it’s supposed to be like. Usually I’d dread going, not for the type of work but for some of the people I’d have to work with, as I said before, there’s always one… (Everyone probably knows what I’m talking about, they have probably experienced it too).

December is almost here, it’s been a pretty weird, messy year. But I’ve had some of the best people to get me through it and met some of the most incredible people that make my day everyday. (Touch wood). December is going to be a good month.

I haven’t wrote anything since July but got inspiration to finally write something so here it is. An update on life, things I’ve been keeping quiet about. But I should be back soon with a new post. I’ve got the ideas, just need to put them into words. So until then, hope everyone’s having the best time, keep smiling and be kindddd. Much love, Ally xo

Autism

Hey everyone, I have been planning on writing a new post to come back for a while but haven’t found anything really exciting to write about – That will motivate me (If that makes sense). However, last week, something very special happened. My brother graduated and this may not seem like a big deal to anyone but it is to me, my family and my friends that have watched him grow up.

My brother has Autism.

For those that don’t know, Autism is defined as “a lifelong disability which affects how people communicate and interact with the world.” This definition comes from the National Autistic Society.

Autism can be a challenge sometimes but I honestly don’t know how I would have turned out without it in my life. Most people write off others with Autism, their “spastics” and “retards” (Just many of the reasons I hate these words.

My brother has been written off all his life. We were told he would never talk or be able to ride a bike, never be able to go to a mainstream school, let alone graduate from college.

Last week that happened. He graduated. And I’m so so proud of him. He passed barriers that were put in his way, he overcame things that people said he’d never be able to do.

I’m not going to lie, this is down to a lot of the help that he has got from family and friends, teachers and really cool professionals. – Part of the reason I love working with kids is so that I can help make a difference like people have helped to make a difference to my brother.

I am so proud of you buddy. I love you so much. You’ve shown everyone that with handwork anything is possible.

So, keeping it short and simple, that’s it for this post. I’m too proud not to write anything.

So for now – Have a good weekend and keep smiling. Much love – Ally xx

This is weird but I don’t think I’ll ever escape…

I SHOULD just ignore you…

I SHOULD just be getting on with writing this essay that’s due soon…

I SHOULD just be going about my day as if nothing has happened…

BUT why can’t you leave me alone? We left school 2 years ago, that’s enough time for incidents to be forgotten, for people to be forgotten. For YOU to get on with your life. For ME to finally move on from everything that happened. But WHY won’t YOU let that that happen?

The “No Caller ID” calls? The anonymous comments on my blog? The fake Instagram pages sending me DM’s? The shouting out of car windows when you go past? The threats? The messages that I get from other people because you’ve messaged them asking where I live and what I’m doing with my life?

WHY?

Why can’t you leave me alone?

Why can’t you just stop all these unnecessary, childish games?

I don’t find them funny. It doesn’t upset me, I just don’t understand???

Why can’t you just move on?

Do something interesting with your life that doesn’t involve prank calling me? Threats to beat me up? To ruin my life? To rape me? Do you not realise how disgusting that is?

Do you not realise that your words could have an affect on someone? I’m lucky me, I got people that support me when stuff like this happens, they show me that I don’t need to listen to you.

I just don’t understand. We left school 2 years ago but your still acting as if we’re in the playground?

Writing about this is weird and probably unnecessary but so is what they do to me, so why should I not write?

Writing is my escape but funnily enough I don’t feel like I can escape this.

I blocked the numbers, I blocked the fake accounts, I blocked the people that used to make me feel uncomfortable. I even changed my number (TWICE), but there seems no way to escape?

I know it’s more than one group of people. I just don’t understand. WHY can’t you leave me alone?

I know you’ll probably read this and laugh, cause why couldn’t I just ignore it? Why did I have to write this?

But why do you have to do what you do?

…

Writing is my escape, and I won’t apologise for posting this. I just think it’s time that people grow up and leave me alone. I don’t see why I should be quiet anymore.

Cheers – Ally x

Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019…

Hey guys, it’s been a while, I’m sorry, life’s just been so busy. Today is 4 years exactly since I started my blog and although I haven’t posted in ages (Sorry once again), I do want to start posting regularly again. So here’s a little recap of my year.

January and February – These were weird months, not a lot happened. I was working hard to complete the level 2 course that I was doing and spending a lot of time with people that I love.

March – I completed the Walk All Over Cancer challenge. I had to walk 10,000 steps a day for the whole 31 days of the month, it’s harder than it seems, especially when your working a desk job and are in college classes a majority of the time. It snowed in March, making it difficult to get out and about – It snows and the whole of England comes to a standstill. I raised £120.00 and £21.25 in gift aid.

April – I had to leave my work placement (for the college course I was doing) that I really enjoyed, it was so much fun and I enjoyed it so much, I was sad to leave. I also dyed my hair pink to raise more money for charity, I say I dyed it but I didn’t – I had help – Thank you Chloe + Charli.

May – This was the month that friendship groups grew closer, even though May was difficult, I soon realised who was really there for me and who wasn’t. I also realised that not everything always goes to plan (well duh) but, I realised that no matter how much preparation you can do for something, there is always something that can go wrong.

June – I graduated in June, it was a great month. This was the month that I realised I can do anything if I put my mind to it – Cheesy, but true. I also got my first ever trophy – Student of the Year – Whoop whoop!

July – I got a new job working in a cinema, I met some great people and learnt a lot.

August – This was the month of work, decisions and getting grades back. What a weird, wonderful and terrifying month. I DID get some of the grades I wanted, I DID get onto the course that I wanted to – I’m now working my way towards getting into University.

September – I went to my first ever baby shower! I turned 20! I had a birthday dinner (THERE WAS A UNICORN CAKE), it was great – I love ya’ll that turned up (You know who you are!) I had blue hair – Thank you Chloe + Charli! I got my head down and started the course I got accepted into. September was the month of leaving toxic environments behind – I don’t regret this one bit – I did, but not anymore.

October – This was the month of visiting old places, places that used to scare me, places where I have the best memories – I realise this sounds kind of odd given the last point, but visiting these places gave me so much inspiration to keep working hard.

November – I figured out what I really want to do – I know this may change but for the meantime, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I also cut a majority of my hair off in November, anyone that knows me really well will know how much my hair means to me, for me to cut a majority of it off took a lot, this might sound stupid but for me, it was a big thing. November was the month of volunteering and changing it up a bit, as always. It was a good month.

December – Where do I even begin with December? The month of making good choices. I’ve learnt a lot of new things this month and will continue to learn more. I’m progressing quite a bit from what and who I was in January. I sent my university application off as well – this was a big month for me.

So that’s my year wrapped up, I guess, I’m probably missing a lot, as usual, but I thought I should post one last blog post before the end of 2018. Thank you for everyone’s love and support (You know who you are). One of my new years’ resolutions is to defiantly start blogging more often – I miss writing. I’ve been writing posts all throughout the year, I just haven’t finished them or posted them. So stay tuned cause they’ll be posted soon.

May your 2019 be blessed with greatness. – Love Ally xx