Top 5 things I HATE being said to me while talking about bullying…

Over the past few weeks I have been speaking about bullying quite a lot, talking about my experiences, giving advice, helping others with problems to do with bullying.

  1. “But really it shouldn’t affect you.” – Why not? Why shouldn’t it affect me? Would you enjoy being called fat or ugly, or other horrible names? Would you like to spend every single day at school getting called names and being followed half way home having abuse shouted at you and having things thrown at you? No, I didn’t think so. If the answer is yes, which it most likely isn’t and shouldn’t be then think about how it affects people.
  2. “Just ignore it.” – Why should I ignore something that shouldn’t be happening in the first place. Bullying is wrong and anyone that doesn’t understand that needs to be educated about bullying. I shouldn’t have to ignore it, it either shouldn’t be happening or should be stopped as soon as I tell someone. No one should ignore bullying, it ruins confidence and can cause physical and mental illness.
  3. “They’ll stop it soon, just don’t react to it.” – No, they probably won’t stop soon, and this, don’t react nonsense?? How am I not supposed to react? Of course when I get called names my facial expression is going to change or I’m going to tell them to go away or leave me alone. If anyone ever says this to you, don’t believe this, tell someone and keep telling them until they do something about it.
  4. “Oh don’t worry, it’s just banter.” – I’ve had this said to me so many times, how is bullying banter? It’s not banter, it’s bullying, it’s called bullying for a reason, you can’t rename “bullying” with the word “banter” just because it sounds better than bullying. It’s ridiculous, and wrong.
  5. “Well he’s retarded, he doesn’t understand anyway.” – I’ve had this said to me before, this makes me really angry, the guy that said this was talking about my autistic brother because I confronted the boy for bullying him. No one has any right to say things like this, I get the whole, freedom of speech thing but there is a thing called self respect which brings you to respect others, so it’s not “you can’t say it”, it’s “should you say it???”

So here is this weeks blog post, it’s only short because I’ve been working on other things for my blog. I had parents evening tonight so I take it so did most other people, hope it all went well? Just remember that if you are ever in this situation where a teacher says these things to you, or where a bully says to you, go and tell someone who is interested and get it sorted, no one should get bullied, no one should support bullying in any way and saying these things is kind of like supporting bullying, it’s giving bullies an excuse to do what they do best. Thank you for all the support I’ve been getting recently and of course from the start. There will be a new blog post up next week. Hope everyone has a good week during that time. Much love – Alison xx

Advertisements

Reposting: Let’s talk about Cyber-bullying…

So this week I have decided that I’m finally going to repost my blog post about cyber-bullying. In May last year I had to delete this post from my blog due to getting a load of grief about it and I never really had enough confidence to repost it, but here I am, reposting it, because it’s my blog and I can write what I want.

Here goes…

So I’ve decided that each week I’m either going to have a new topic to talk about or I’m going to talk about my experiences to do with bullying.  Cyber-bullying!

Cyber-bullying is such a horrible thing and it really shouldn’t happen to anyone. I remember when I first got Facebook and I use to get horrible messages from people at my school. It was so upsetting. I use to get messages calling me fat and ugly and saying other horrible things that would put me down, it made me hate myself, I wondered why they hated me and what I had done wrong. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t tell anyone I just read the messages which made it worse. I even got messages from people I didn’t really know but they still went to my school, that’s the saddest thing. People that bully people they don’t really know to make themselves feel better, it’s sad.

I used to get asked out as a joke because that’s how sad people are nowadays, they have to try and upset people to have a laugh with their mates. It’s not on and at times it does get upsetting thinking about it. The message to the left isn’t very old, maybe a few months old. I hate how people have to sit behind a screen to make a joke out of someone. Most people won’t understand this picture, they’ll just think it’s a random message and probably that I was a bit harsh but I wasn’t. At school it has gotten that bad that people find it funny to ask people out as a joke and for some girls that lowers their self-esteem, I would know from experience…

Usually the person they’ve sent it to will say yes and then the boy or girl that sent the message will screen shot it and send it to their mates. I know this because it has happened to me in the past. After the person that sent the message has shown their mates they will either try and upset you or they’ll wait until your at your happiest and then humiliate you in front of as many people as possible. I’m not saying this happens to everyone but it may happen to some people as it has happened to me in the past. Some people are that cruel that they will do literally anything to upset someone…

Tip 1: The best thing to do is just ignore it, unless you don’t think their going to humiliate you, it’s best to think about it before you reply though, what’s the person really like? Are they nice to you face to face? Think before you reply or maybe don’t reply at all.

I used to try and kill the person with kindness. After a while they will get bored and hopefully go away or you could just ignore it. Even though their words hurt I still tried to kill them with kindness.

Don’t reply to the messages because it’ll just escalate the problem, ignore it or block the person so they can no longer send you messages!

Looking back at this message is funny, at the time the boy didn’t have a clue who I was, he went to the same school and knew of me but he never actually spoke to me in real life. It’s funny because he tries to be nice to me now but ‘cause I remember what he sent in the past I don’t fall for it, what is the point in being friends with someone that use to cyber-bully me? I know some people say forgive and forget but bullying has scarred me and I will never be able to forgive anyone that has ever bullied me, I’ve made that very clear.

Tip 2: block and report but keep screenshots of the messages just in case!

a

In year 9 I had a few accidents on my bike and I got sent various messages about taxi’s and van’s because people at my school thought it was funny. Once again I tried to kill the person with kindness but obviously what you should do is show a parent or a teacher or someone you trust, screen shot it and then block and report the person for bullying. People at my school said it was ‘banter’ but it really wasn’t, I got so upset by it. From then on I hated going to school, each day I dreaded going into school, I kept my head down and tried not to get noticed by the people that bullied me. My accident wasn’t funny at all, I could’ve been seriously hurt but most people thought it was funny, it was just another way for people to make a joke out of me and honestly that was really upsetting.

Tip 3: don’t reply to any messages, block and report and tell someone.

aaaa

At the time the word for ugly was ‘don’. I use to get called it all the time, along with other various names. I will never understand why people find it funny to put others down. It really annoys me that people only bully others to make themselves feel better.

I would get sent messages calling me fat and ugly and then at school some of the people would act normal like they never said anything, although some of the people that sent me things would then carry it on at school, so not only would I be upset at school I would also be upset at home when receiving the messages.

I find it funny how people can sit behind computer screens or phone screens and be the ‘big man’ to make others feel bad about themselves. Honestly what is the point? I don’t understand how someone can get that bored that they have to be horrible to others. When I got sent these messages I got so upset, the first thing I did was show someone and they told me to ignore it, so I did, I got screenshots of the messages and kept them as evidence just in case, but then that was it I ignored the rest of the messages. People should be kind online, what’s the point of being horrible? Your not going to achieve anything in life by bullying others. People should think before they post or send things to others!

Tip 4: be careful what you send others, don’t be the bully!

aaaaa

For the people that know me well or even know me only a little bit, they know that I hate being told that people hate me, that’s why people often sent me messages telling me they don’t like me and that they hate me. They used to send me long paragraphs about what they hated about me and it use to make me overthink what they were saying, sometimes I would actually believe them, I would read the messages over and over again until I had convinced myself that they only said it because it must obviously be true, this didn’t help my self-esteem or my confidence at all and it wasn’t very healthy for me to keep reading the hate over and over again. It wouldn’t just be messages though, I would have people say the same things to me at school, it was horrible.

aaaaaaThis is another example of what I got sent. Cruel and unusual punishment as I used to call it. No one should have to go through getting sent horrible messages. The messages that I got sent lowered my self-esteem and my confidence and I hate how I didn’t ignore them.

When your getting bullied at school face to face with someone it is difficult to ignore someone but when your getting cyber-bullied and it’s messages, it’s easier to ignore because you can choose not to open the messages. I know it’s sometimes difficult because your curious as to what they have said but you are most likely better off not replying to the messages.

How to stop a Cyber-bully:

1. Block the person bullying you

There will always be a way to stop the bullying, if you block the person they can stop getting through to you on social networks, mobile phones, messaging apps and even games. Look at the privacy or safety settings of the service you are using to find out how to block the person, or you can always try searching ‘block’ or ‘abuse’ in the help section. When receiving horrible text messages you can ring up your service provider or network provider who can help you block the bully.

2. Keep the evidence
Make sure you save or copy any cyber bullying such as texts or conversations you receive so the necessary people (teachers, etc.) can investigate the bullying. A good way to do this is to press the ‘PrtScrn’ button on the right hand side of the keyboard which prints the screen and you then copy and paste this into a word document or try using window’s ‘snipping tool’.

3. Online friends
Remember when you accept someone as your friend on instant messaging or social networks, they can access information and pictures you have posted so make sure you are happy for them to see this.

4. Report it
Any cyber bullying you suffer should be reported. Whether it is nasty comments, a text message, online chats or group bullying, it is still bullying and is not ok. Make sure you report it to an adult you trust. It is important you feel supported and someone else knows what is happening. If you have blocked the person but it is still continuing, all social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Bebo, Ask.FM, etc. have report abuse buttons, as do most mobile phone networks who have teams to deal with abuse. Games consoles also have advice on their websites. All service providers have a duty to make sure their users feel safe.

5. Don’t reply or answer back
Don’t become a cyber bully yourself, deal with the bully by blocking and reporting the abuse. It is sometimes hard not to write back, but it is always best to ignore, block and monitor the situation.

6. Be the best version of yourself online

Don’t send horrible messages, you will turn into the cyber-bully.

Cyber-bullying sometimes leads to suicide, do you really want to be the reason someone kills themselves? Think about that next time you send a message or before you bully someone. Suicide is such a horrible thing, I was reading a article the other day and it said something like 1 in 10 people that get cyber-bullied end up committing suicide. That’s such a horrible thought. Cyber-bullying shouldn’t happen and it’s sad that it does. Stop the hate and be kind to one another! Be helpful not hurtful Smile

I just wanted to finish this post by saying thank you for all the support I’ve been getting through this blog, it means a lot to me knowing that I’m helping people and making a difference. Thank you for the choice of topic this week, I’ve been getting different suggestions all week from different people. Also, thank you to the people that have been emailing me, tweeting me and messaging me on Facebook,  with different questions and things they want me to write about. It really helps me, so thank you! I hope this encourages more people to send me questions and stories, I don’t bite honestly, all I want to do is help people.

After correcting some things and kind of rewriting this post, I actually feel a little bit more confident about posting this. I mean it doesn’t really matter if people do send me hate about my blog because I know that I’m doing good.

That’s it for this week! Thanks for reading and there shall be a new post up next week! Thank you! Much love – Alison xx

Blogging 101: Day 1– “Introduce Yourself to the World”

Who I am and why I’m here???

My name is Alison, I’m 17 years old. I am currently studying Applied Science and Health and Social Care at sixth form. I have been bullied since I was little. The main reason I was bullied was because my brother has autism and this makes him different, therefore easy to hate. My brother and I get on really well, because I stuck up for him and another child at school with additional needs, bullying started, as hate is something that is so easy to dish out, it’s hidden and hurts. People do not think about what is going on in someone’s mind, I became aware of this after going to a young carers club. When I was little, a girl told me how horrible some people were being because her mum had cancer, because she was housebound she couldn’t go and get the daughters school uniform, because of this people were really hateful just because her uniform was untidy.

The reason I started my blog was because there is very little information on how to deal with bullies at school. If I was an adult I could sue for compensation from work, if I was an adult I could go to my boss or union for help. Bullying is hidden in school, not many people realise that it happens, or if they do, they ignore it. When I was being bullied, I turned to my dad who then went into school many times, the answer was always the same “It’ll be dealt with”, or “Your daughter isn’t telling the whole story” or “We’re sorry about that, the child has anger management problems, we are trying to deal with it”, saying these things makes the victim forgotten, if you sweep it under the carpet it didn’t happen. There is nothing that says you have to record how many times parents go in to school about bullying but I think it should be recorded. I know of people that have left school after trying to commit suicide due to bullying… Racism is a hate crime that is recorded yet bullying doesn’t seem to matter, as long as the school have a bullying policy, all seems well.

During year 8, I turned to social media, I spoke to more people online than I did in person because I found it easier. Turns out, it’s easier to speak to complete strangers on the internet about your favorite band or book series than it is to actually hold a conversation with people in person. I know, I know, that makes me sound anti social and like I don’t talk to actual human beings, but at the time, it was a way to escape the bullying. I would have rather been on my phone talking to another teenager about a book than I would try and communicate with people at my school and be bullied. I was really lucky because my dad had a interest in who I was talking to, at one point I was talking to a 16 year old guy about bullying and then all of a sudden it turned out he was a 29 year old that wanted to take me to the cinema without my dad knowing, he said things like “Tell your dad your going to meet your friends”, so as good as it is talking to other teenagers online you have to be aware of who you are actually talking to (!!!). If in doubt, talk to a adult.

I discovered while being bullied that it is easier to talk to people online than it is face to face and so that is the aim of this blog, to help people with bullying. I believe that I was put on this earth to help people, it’s what I enjoy doing and I’m good at it, there is nothing like the buzz of two little children running up and hugging you because they missed you being at their club as a volunteer and then asking their mum if I can go to KFC with them, the mum said “who’s this?!” and having the child reply, “It’s Alison, mummy, from club”, and then having the mother say to me “Oh, I have heard so much about you, thank you for what you do”. Knowing that a little kindness can make so much difference to someone’s life has changed my life, I want to make a difference on this earth, that is the aim of this blog. In 2014, I was invited to Pride of Reading, I won the Young Person of the Year Award, that is why I started this blog because of the amount of people that came up to me and said what I was doing was great, this was quite the confidence boost. That is the reason I started my blog.

I find that blogging is a better way to keep a diary, it’s more open, I’ve always wanted to keep a diary and then look back on it in 5 or 10 years but after a few months of writing a diary I found it boring and so I found that this was a better way to share my thoughts. What’s the point of keeping a diary if no one is going to read it? I suppose that is the point of a diary but that to me is boring…

I’ve had my blog for just over a year now and that to me is an accomplishment (One of many I’d like to achieve in the future), considering how much grief I have had for writing a blog, it’s great that I didn’t delete it and that I carried on. I aim to carry on with this blog and help more people, thank you to those that have came up to me in school and said that they enjoy reading it or that it helps. It means a lot when someone comes up to me and says, “It’s Friday, how come you didn’t post yesterday? Are you posting today or something?” or when I get comments during the week about how people can’t wait to read Thursday’s blog post. It means a lot. Also a big thank you to those that comment on my posts, and the biggest thank you of all goes to all those that have been supporting me from day one, you are all such amazing people! Most of all I want to thank my daddy for supporting me through everything, I love you.

So this is who I am and why I’m here… Enjoy reading! Much love – Alison xx

Volunteering for Veterans With Dogs

12637378_947621795306047_168635424_oThe weekend before last, I spent my whole weekend volunteering for a charity called Veterans With Dogs.12650231_947621838639376_1865243601_n The charity do some great work, at the table we were accompanied by one of the dogs that help out, her name was Mya. The dogs really do amazing things, for example, one of the dogs have saved one of the veterans from committing suicide twice. They really do great things, it’s amazing. I’m writing this because I want to help raise awareness for charities like this. They don’t get enough attention and so a lot of people 12509066_1553338998319647_2723051199301979251_ndon’t really know what the charity are or what they do.

Sorry that this post isn’t long this week but I felt like I should write about this. New blog post next week! Much love – Alison xx

12650614_947680085300218_1488752796_n 12659810_947680108633549_1340868567_n