Pride of Reading is the reason I own this blog…

Hey guys, I wanted to write a post about Pride of Reading again, but I didn’t want to write that it had been 2 years (I know I kind of just did), but I wanted it to be different. I wanted to write about why I own this blog. I wanted to put in a little bit of recognition as to why I own it and why I made it in the first place. I don’t really know if that makes sense or not and I know I just said it had been 2 years but that’s not the point. It has been a very important part of my life so far and I am very grateful for it.

Before I begin I just want to say thank you to those that popped up over messages (etc.) and gave me more tips on how to deal with nerves, I shall try to use them next time, so thank you! Also a big thank you to those that said that the blog post is relatable and that it may help them in the future, that really does mean a lot, its good to know that I’m helping people!

A massive thank you to those of you that have filled out the questionnaire that I put at the bottom of the last blog post, I have read through most of the responses and they were really nice to read, so thank you so much! If you haven’t already filled it out then I would be really grateful, it only takes two minutes and its completely anonymous! I’m going to be using the responses to help me better this blog. https://goo.gl/forms/UpJ1xOyvskATDyFi1

Last year I wrote a blog post about it being “One year since Pride of Reading and my experience.” The response I got back from it was awesome! However, this year I didn’t want to do the same thing, I wanted to do things a little bit differently.

This blog is the result of being awarded the Young Person of the year award, I didn’t know that the experience was going to be the thing that pushed me to write. It had been on my mind for a very long time, its something that I wanted to do, and it is way better than a diary. Its kind of like a release, putting negative energy (sometimes, depending on the day) into something positive, or putting something positive into something positive. I’m just hoping that I can help more people, I know (from the messages that I have been getting) that I have been helping some people and it means ever so much to know that I can help people!

I put everything into writing a blog post each week, its kind of like my pride and joy, I just love to do it!

On the night of Pride of Reading, I got told so many times that what I do is important and a good thing, that I shouldn’t give up, that I really am helping people and making a difference. All the kind comments meant so much to me! It was great to know that I could make a difference. At the time I didn’t really believe it all whenever I got told but that night really opened my eyes. It’s a night that I am very proud of and very grateful for!

Okay, so as I have already said, Pride of Reading is one of the main reasons that this blog exists, it’s the event that pushed me to do what I do.

The response that I got back from it, being told that people look up to me and being made to feel as if I can help people through bullying, made me feel on top of the world, as if I could conquer anything with or without being bullied.

Knowing that I could carry on doing something positive and help people with my experiences really meant a lot, a blog seemed like one of the best ways to get that across to people. As well as it being something that is always there and can help at any time, after all the internet is amazing like that!

When getting a lot of responses back from people knowing that I own a blog, I got told that it is something really different. There are tons and tons of blogs out there, however, I got told that what I’m doing is different and it’s really good to hear. Writing on my blog is something that I really enjoy, its something that brings me so much happiness, knowing that I can help people by writing really does mean a lot.

The support that I have been given since Pride of Reading has really helped me to pick up my confidence and get writing, I wasn’t really sure it would at the time. I got a lot of hassle because some didn’t think that I deserved it, that’s not what bothered me. At the time, what I was doing, helping people, going through what I went through, was normal to me, so them saying I didn’t deserve it didn’t really bother me.

Being nominated and then winning the award put me on top of the world, it was a confidence boost, a massive change to my life, it’s a big thing. I’m really very proud of it.

So yes, Pride of Reading is the reason I own this blog, the reason that I created it in the first place, because although I already had the idea, this was the push that I needed to actually get started with it.

Before I finish this post, I just want to say a big thank you for all the support I got during the time of the nominations and the winning of the award, it honestly did mean a lot. It made me believe that I can make a difference so thank you so much! As well as the support I got from my dad throughout all of this, he has supported me writing my blog so much, he truly is amazing!

Thank you to those that have been supporting me ever since. I have the best bunch of friends and family ever. Thank you so much! You guys are the reasons and inspiration for why I write what I write.

Also one last massive thank you to the ones that have gave me a reason to write, because although you essentially put me through hell, you have made me into who I am today, you are the ones that give me the ideas and the negative energy which I turn into positive energy, because although you did make me believe a lot of negative things, you have made me believe that it’s not me, that its you. I’m not saying thank you for what you put me through, I guess I’m saying thank you for making me turn into a better person. I know it was me that done it myself but it was the experience… I don’t know if that makes sense.

Here’s the link to the questionnaire that I mentioned earlier. https://goo.gl/forms/UpJ1xOyvskATDyFi1

Okay so that’s it for this blog post. As you can probably tell Pride of Reading is a massive deal to me and means ever so much. Thank you for all the support! New blog post up on Thursday! Have a good week! Much love – Alison xx

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Dealing with nerves… Plus a questionnaire!

Hey guys, so this week I’m going to be opening up to the internet a little bit more, I suppose. Before I start typing I just want to say thank you for all the support, as always, it means ever so much to me. I know I start every blog post like this, so I probably sound like a broken record but honestly, it does mean ever so much to me. It makes my day!

This week I am going to be talking about a fear that I have managed to overcome over the past few weeks. We’re in the middle of half term, I have already been at school for a full term, so for me to manage to get over a fear that quick is amazing. For me anyway. Considering I have had this fear since I can remember, this is quite truly one of the best things I have overcome, even if no one else thinks so.

Anyways… Dealing with nerves…

I used to get so nervous walking around school, so much that I would have to have someone with me at break or lunch time, or even just walking to lesson. It was that bad… Thinking about it, I find that kind of sad. I was so nervous to even walk anywhere on my own.

This didn’t just affect me at school, it also affected my life outside of school. I wouldn’t go out shopping on my own, even if it was for a loaf of bread. I would have to take my dad or brother with me. Just so I had someone there. Even if it was just shopping, to go and buy a t-shirt or something, I would have to take my brother or dad or a friend. I would never go out on my own, I was so nervous that I would see someone who would bully me.

I’m not nervous because its school, I was nervous with the walking about and seeing people who used to bully me part of school. I had fear that they could be horrible to me or just ruin my day. They could basically control me and where I went without knowing about it.

I got nervous before leaving the house to go to school, I just didn’t want to go, not because its school but because of what happened so often at school. It’s the same for leaving school, I would want to stay a bit later than usual just so I would know that they weren’t there but as soon as my brother started going to the same school as me I couldn’t do that anymore. I didn’t want them to be down the alley and say something as they have done before and still did even when my brother was with me.

I don’t really know why I had this fear, I knew it was going to happen anyway, there was no way for me to prevent it. I mean, I shouldn’t have to prevent it… but I guess that’s how it works.

Now, it doesn’t really bother me, I’m over it, if they say something they say something. I don’t ignore it, it’s not possible for me to ignore it, I don’t really know how to. But I have my ways of being able to not let it bother me anymore, one way is blogging. Not exactly about what happened in that situation but I will use how I’m feeling as inspiration to write a  blog post. It just makes me feel better knowing that I’m not bottling it up, that I’m putting the negative energy that I’m receiving into positive energy. The support also helps a lot.

I know it sounds odd, but I guess without this blog and the support of friends and family I would still be who I was 6 years ago. I have changed a lot, I’m still the same person deep down, just a better version of myself.

My tips for dealing with nerves…

  • Keep your head held high
  • Take the negative energy out on something positive
  • Try not to give your attention to the person giving out the negative energy
  • Don’t let them see that their hurting you
  • Find a distraction
  • Talk to someone about it
  • Don’t hide from it

Honestly, I believe that some of these things did help me. They helped me over a long period of time, which made me stronger, I don’t really know how to explain it but those that know me personally will know how much it’s helped me just by knowing me over a period of time. I used to get really nervous when being around people who I knew would bully me, but because of the support and these tips that I have learnt from experience, I have been able to get over being as nervous as I was.

They don’t bother me as much anymore and that is something that I am very proud of!

Just know that it does get better, I know that is something that is said a lot and after a while it becomes unbelievable but really it is true! Hold your head high and show them how strong you are. I believe in you!

I’m not saying that it’s not okay to not be okay and to show emotion, of course it is! Your human. I’m just saying that sometimes it helps, it defiantly did with me!

Maybe send in your thoughts on this topic, it would be interesting to see what you all think!


Before I finish this weeks blog post… It’s that time of year again when I decide to publish a quick questionnaire (If that’s what you want to call it?), just to get some opinions on what I’m doing and see how I can improve it. It only takes a minute or two so I will be ever so grateful if you would be so kind to answer this. I feel that it would really help!

Link – https://goo.gl/forms/UpJ1xOyvskATDyFi1

Okay, so that’s it from me this week! Thank you so much for the support! There will be a new blog post soon! Have a good week! Much love – Alison xx

“Bullying is just a part of growing up”

Hey guys! So I guess today I am going to be writing about the quote that I have put as the title. I got this said to me a few years ago, I got it said to me a few months ago, and then someone also said it to me again last week. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear this, each time it just makes me so angry.

Before I start writing about this, I just want to say thank you, thank you for the messages and the support, because although I did get asked who “Kelly” was, by quite a few people last week, the support meant more to me than the grief I got for not telling people who it was. I just shook it off, the support means ever so much, probably more to me than anyone will ever realise.

Okay, so as I have already said. In Year 7, when the bullying started to get worse I got told that “bullying is just a part of growing up“, for some reason I started to believe it, but then wondered why not as many people were getting bullied / getting bullied as bad as I was. Then a few months ago, I got told the same thing… I also got told this same thing again last week… I’m not going to lie, it annoyed me so much!

“Bullying is just a part of growing up.”

Imagine having this said to you while you’re sat in an office in tears. It was horrible! The first time it got said to me I didn’t really understand. Why me? I knew quite a few people got bullied but not everyone did, so if it was just a part of growing up, why wasn’t everyone else going through the same thing.

It just really annoyed me. Learning how to ride a bike, watching reruns of Scooby Doo, going to school, and then eventually getting on with your life (a job, university or college), is just part of growing up! Bullying is not!

I don’t really understand how anyone can think that it’s just a part of growing up…

Imagine, being bullied because you got into an accident (I know, stupid right?), and being told that the bullying is just a part of growing up. HOW?!

I don’t think I’m ever going to understand how anyone could possibly think this. It shouldn’t be a part of growing up, no one should have to go through it.

I’ve done a bit of research and some have said that it’s only done to help you toughen up for adult life. However, I don’t really understand how that works because in some cases where the bullying is so serve, some people don’t make it to adulthood, or they then have trouble in life because they don’t know how to speak to people, afraid of being bullied.

“In previous generations, people perceived bullying to be a normal part of growing up. It was seen as a rite of passage that kids needed to help them toughen up so that they could face the world. We now know that this isn’t true.

Bullies attack others because they enjoy attacking others. Bullying causes psychological and sometimes physical damage. It is the repeated use of superior power intended to harm another person through physical threat, humiliation, or isolation. Bullying is not a normal aspect of human interaction — it is an abuse of it.

Bullying doesn’t ‘toughen up’ a victim. It weakens them. Seven out of 10 targets of bullying have difficulty forming lasting relationships as adults. They struggle with anger management, resentment, and trusting others. They are more likely to deal with depression, get lower grades, and have anxiety.”https://www.justsayyes.org/bullying/is-bullying-normal-behavior/

“As far as children go more than half (55%) of children in Europe who have been bullied said they became depressed as a result, according to a BeatBullying report. Over a third saying they harmed themselves (35%) or thought about suicide (38%).”http://www.itv.com/goodmorningbritain/news/is-bullying-just-a-part-of-growing-up

I didn’t want to add a ton of sources that proved my point because that’s probably boring, but I found quite a lot. I found some that said it was just a part of growing up but I don’t see how.

Bullying never helped me, in any way whatsoever, so I don’t know how it can help anyone else. I might just be seen as biased…

I wanted to make sure that I wrote about this, people just need to be a little more careful about what they say because if I hadn’t of had it said to me before, it may have upset me a little. It upset me the first time, it just annoyed me the other times that it has been said to me.

I don’t really know how to end this blog post today, I know it’s not like the usual thing I write about but this annoyed me enough to make me write about it. So here it is… That’s it from me this week. Hope you enjoyed!

If you have an opinion on this, then let me know in the comments or just message me… Let’s get a conversation started on this topic! Why not! I’m excited to see what you think!

Facebook page: http://facebook.com/myinsanewxnderland

Twitter: https://twitter.com/pink_duck1

There will be a new blog post up next Thursday as usual! Have hope, stay strong, keep smiling and have a great week! Remember not to settle for any less than you deserve! Much love – Alison xx

Counselling…

Hey guys! Before I start I just want to say a massive thank you for the messages and comments that I got from last week’s blog post. It means a lot! Fingers crossed I have helped at least someone with it, even if its not about their glasses, maybe it’s about something else, I don’t know, but hopefully I’ve helped someone. That’s the goal. It kind of means a lot, I got quite a few messages about the picture I posted, you guys are the best!!

Okay, so this week I did the same again where I got someone to pick a number without knowing any of the ideas and here’s what they picked. Well, they didn’t pick this idea, but you probably get what I mean.

So throughout this blog post I have changed the name of the person involved. I’m going to name this person Kelly (for anyone that may get confused, mainly just for me). I’ve changed the name because I want to keep it confidential.

About 2 years ago, (that’s about 2 years into going to counselling), I was sat in the waiting room, waiting to go into the little room to see my counsellor. It was all fine, same old same old. Until someone walked in that I didn’t want to. I was kind of shocked but kind of nervous because at the time only 5 of my closest friends knew that I went to counselling. In walks Kelly… She started staring at me and sat next to me…

Here’s why it was a big deal. She had been bullying me with her friends for years, and at that point I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I didn’t want to be sat next to her. She smiled at me and started to make conversation…

Kelly: “Why are you here? I didn’t know you went to counselling.”

Me: “Cause of bullying. No one really knows to be honest.”

Kelly: “Who bullies you?”

Me: “Quite a few people…”

Kelly: “Oh, I never knew.”

I didn’t want to say, “YOU”, it wasn’t just her but I didn’t want any trouble. I just wanted that to be the end of it and to be left alone. I never asked her why she was there, obviously she was there for counselling but I didn’t ask why, I didn’t want to know, it’s private. I never saw her there again after that, I didn’t know why, but then again it didn’t really bother me.

It made me think though, either she didn’t know that what she was doing was bullying or she just really didn’t know that I got bullied… I don’t know… But after that, every time her friends said something to me, she would tell them to shut up. It meant a lot and I really appreciated it.

I guess my point is that some may not know what they are really doing until their eyes are opened. Of course that doesn’t mean that it’s okay, no way is it okay, but maybe, just maybe they don’t know their doing it. About 10% of the time, I have noticed that someone won’t mean what they’ve just said; it’s either that or their just really good at lying… I don’t know… I’m always surprised when people say they didn’t realise it was bullying, I just don’t understand how they don’t realise..?

Recently, I bumped into Kelly again; she said hi to me and started a conversation. That’s what sparked the inspiration for this blog post…

Okay… This is kind of a short blog post this week. I wanted to write about this but didn’t really know how to write it so my friend helped me with choosing a fake name. I know this doesn’t really have a point to it, I just wanted to write about it.

Before I finish this week’s post, I just wanted to give a shout out to the wonderful person that told me that Tuesday was a year ago since I created my Facebook page for my blog. Which you can check out here: http://facebook.com/myinsanewxnderland if anyone is interested. It would mean a lot. I get quite a few messages on there; they really do brighten my day so thank you so much! It’s the small things in life…

That’s it from me this week. Hope you enjoyed reading this! There will be a new blog post up next Thursday as usual! Have hope, stay strong, keep smiling and have a great week! Remember not to settle for any less than you deserve! Much love – Alison xx

Four Eyed Freak!!!

Hey guys, so this weeks blog post has been picked for me. I wrote a list of things I could write about and numbered them. I then got a friend to pick a number without knowing what it was and here we are… This weeks blog post is kind of like a diary entry (I suppose?). I’m going to be visiting the past once again. Enjoy!

I’m going to be writing about the grief that I got for wearing glasses. Why did I get it? I don’t know to be honest. There just glasses, a lot of people wear them.

I reckon it was because it’s just another thing that someone can bully me about. Why stick with the names that you already call me when you could upset me even more! What a fantastic idea! Of course, now I’m over it, and no one takes the mickey out of my glasses anymore.

I got glasses in around Year 5, no one really wore them back then, but then I had to start wearing them. I got called a four eyed freak. I had a pair of purple circular glasses at the time. I think there were only three kids with glasses in the year at the time, not 100% sure, can’t really remember. But it was a new thing, not many people had them.

They were taken off me quite regularly. People would put them on and mimic my voice while saying cruel things. They would take them and run away so I wouldn’t get them back for ages. As a 9 / 10-year-old, of course this really upset me. It would hurt any kid. Let’s be honest, unless you are just one of those kids that don’t care (Lucky you! No sarcasm intended), I kind of wish I was like that. It would have been a lot easier. Secretly though, I have realised that everyone cares, it’s just whether they show it or not that counts. I on the other hand couldn’t hide it. It’s either that or people just don’t care!

There was a group of people who would run up to me, call me a four eyed freak and then run away again, it made me feel different to everyone else. I didn’t know why they were doing it or what I had done, it’s just something that they did. It made me feel really different to everyone else and thinking about it now, kind of makes me feel quite sad, I don’t understand why they did that and I suppose I never will. I do know that it made me feel horrible though.

There was this one guy that loved to break my glasses. The first time my glasses fell off, he stepped on them and they broke. At first I just thought it was an accident, after all, no one knew they were going to fall off. So my dad got them repaired and that was the end of it.

But then again, it wasn’t the end of it at all. After the standing on my glasses incident, he took them off me and bent them in half, thinking it was hilarious. This really upset me because I knew that my dad just went to get them repaired.

There were a few more incidents where he took my glasses from me and stood on them again and pulled the arms off them. He also cracked the lenses quite a lot. So as you can probably tell, I didn’t really like wearing glasses at this point. They always got broken and the excuse was, “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t know they would break.” It really upset me.

“Why did you let him have your glasses in the first place?” I didn’t. The first time was an accident, or that’s what I believe anyway. The other times I was cleaning them and he snatched them out of my hands, or he would just take them off me when I was looking at him.

I didn’t really understand how this was funny… But for some reason it was funny to him. My dad went up to school after a few times of it happening and spoke to the head teacher about it. After about a year of it going on, it kind of stopped. The breaking of my glasses stopped but the name calling didn’t. Each time they found a different way to upset me.

This went on until the start of secondary school. In secondary school, the name calling related to me wearing glasses, ended by the start of Year 9. However, they then found other ways to upset me.

 

Near the end of 2014, I got told I no longer had to wear glasses. I was so relieved! I was so happy about it! It was a big deal for me because I knew that I wouldn’t have the possibility of being called a four eyed freak anymore!ribbet-collagev

I enjoyed not wearing glasses so much!

However, a few weeks ago I got told I had to start wearing glasses again. It didn’t bother me whatsoever, because I kind of like wearing glasses and I knew that a lot of people had matured so there would be no more name calling. So far I’m right, and honestly I don’t think its going to happen anytime soon. Even if it does, I’m really not that bothered, there glasses. Get over it. A load of people wear glasses! Did you know that 6 out of 10 people in the world wear glasses or contact lenses? That’s so many people!

If you see someone being teased about something that they have to wear (Glasses, braces, etc.), please, please, please, just stop it. You could really make a difference. I know that sounds a bit stupid but its true, you could help someone with their confidence, now wouldn’t that be great!

***UPDATE***

*So after showing a few close friends the picture that I have put in this blog post, a few of them laughed. A few of them questioned me and asked if I really wanted to put the picture from 2009 up. My answer is yes, I’m not bothered about what anyone says or thinks, it’s a very old picture and I’ve changed. I’m not bothered. Why should the possibility of getting grief stop me from posting what I want on my blog. Saying this though, quite a few of my friends said to go for it. It’s already on the internet anyway, most people have seen it, and if I’m not bothered, what is the real issue? Just thought I’d leave a little update at the bottom of this post. Although if I do get any hate I will be naming and shaming, there’s no need for the hate or bullying, there’s already enough negativity in this world!*

Okay, so that’s it from me this week. Another blog post where I have opened up a bit more. I didn’t tell a lot of people about this, only about 5 of my friends know that this happened to me. It’s not really something that I talk about because it doesn’t bother me anymore. But here we go. Hope you enjoyed reading this! There will be a new blog post up next Thursday as usual! Have hope, stay strong, keep smiling and have a great week! Remember not to settle for any less than you deserve! Much love – Alison xx