Hey guys, so yesterday I got a notification through on Facebook. There’s this app on Facebook that tells you what you posted or what was posted to your Facebook wall, a year ago, two years ago, three years ago and so on. It’s actually quite handy, as much as I hate Facebook because of the grief, I actually love this part of it. It gives me ideas for new blog posts and brings back memories.
So yesterday it said that I had posted a new blog post 2 years ago, usually all I would do is share it again but then the memories from what I had written about hit me like a truck. I realised who it was that I was writing about and why I wrote about it in the first place. At the time I was so angry, I remember that night hanging out with friends and I regret how I behaved with them, I was unbelievably angry and surprisingly they all still talk to me despite how I was. I wasn’t angry with them, I was angry that I was still getting bullied. I was in Year 11, I had 3 months left of school and exams were approaching, of course I would be angry. I was trying to succeed yet I wasn’t being left alone.
So here is why I am writing about this. The blog post that I put below is a copy of the one that I put up two years ago yesterday. You’ll see why I’m writing this by the end of this blog post…
Title of post: Bullies.
Why do bullies bully? What has the person that gets bullied done wrong? I often seem to ask myself these questions and many more questions. The answer is simple – It is often because the bully is insecure about themselves so they pick at other people to see what’s wrong with them, so that their insecurities get picked out and then the bullies insecurities don’t get noticed. It’s almost as if the bullies use other people to mask the real them. The person that gets bullied does nothing wrong, the bully is either jealous or insecure. You haven’t done anything wrong so PLEASE don’t think you have. Your amazing, don’t forget that.
The reason I’m writing this post is because today I got bullied, again. As most people know I love to ride my bike. People also know I’m not one of the skinniest girls in my school and I’m okay with that, sometimes. I used to get told that it’s a good thing that I’m not skinny because people love me for me, I used to believe that but then I think about it and I think about how if people love me for me then why do I get bullied. I guess it is right and you can’t please everyone you meet. But why are people so horrible about it? I really don’t understand the human brain. What human being thinks it is okay to bully other people? Upset everyone around them? Make people feel rubbish about themselves? I really don’t understand it.
It’s a Monday. Way to go, state the obvious Alison. Usually on a Monday I go into school feeling positive and happy, I know that’s a bit weird because as human beings we’re all meant to hate Monday’s but usually I enjoy them. It’s the start of a new week, 7 days of a fresh slate. You have all week to explore, or in my case go to school and learn something new, I love it.
Today was different…Actually today was okay, I enjoyed today and then it got to going home, usually I’m okay and really happy but some year 9’s decided to have a go. They were chucking stones at me down this ally I have to walk down, I just ignored it, thinking that if they thought I didn’t notice they would stop, but I was wrong, they carried on down the whole ally. I waited at the bottom of the ally for my friends and my brother, I noticed the year 9’s waiting for me. They walked down the path a bit and then stopped, waiting. They formed a line across the road so I couldn’t get passed. (The road doesn’t get used very often in case you were wondering why they were stood in the middle of the road). They done this all the way down the road until we got to the main road, I even said excuse me and they wouldn’t move, they just laughed at me, I thought it was quite polite to be honest, anyone else would’ve had a go at them but I didn’t.
I went up onto the path and waited for my friend, one of the boys that were with the group of year 9’s decided to stand near me and laugh at me. I said to him, “I hope your finding this amusing ‘cause it’s quite funny seeing that people have so much spare time that the only thing they can do is pick on others. I hope your proud of yourself, all you are is a pathetic bully.”
People often laugh when I say things back but I know I’m right. Sometimes they don’t know what to say back though. This time was different though, the boy sort of just stared at me for a few seconds until he said, “It’s pathetic how you don’t try weight watchers”.
I find it quite stupid how people can only comment on my weight though. Can they not think of anything else to say? I mean, they do, it’s not always about my weight but I just don’t understand how they can still be happy with themselves even though they bully others.
It’s like they don’t think before they speak, it’s either that or they don’t care. Which quite frankly is sad and pathetic. Although I suppose it might be their way for them to reach out for help, but it’s not the right way to do it. You don’t know what that person is going through and it might really hurt them, you don’t know the effect you might have on that person. It annoys me, people don’t think before they speak and then we don’t know where that ends up.
Words can end or save lives, so be kind, think before you speak, ‘cause I know just as well as you do that no one wants to be the reason for someone to end their life.
Dated: 2nd March 2015
Now here is another blog post that I ended up writing and posting during July 2016 but in fact it happened in the September of 2015.
Title of post: It’s finally time to talk about the grief I got in September…
Hey guys, I just wanted to start off this post by saying thank you for the support from last weeks blog post, it means more to me than anyone will ever know. The summer holiday’s are finally here! Yippeee! Since it’s the summer holidays, I wanted to talk about all the grief I got at the start of Year 12 and how I dealt with it because I know a few people who are going through the same sort of thing at the moment.
I have wanted to write about this topic and experience for a while now. I never thought it was the right time to do so, but since it’s the summer holidays and come September it will be a year since it happened, I feel that it’s best to write about it now. Fingers crossed it will help someone, I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through the same sort of thing and not know how to deal with it. Hope this helps.
For years, I have wanted to get my hair cut a certain way, I wanted to have one side of my head shaved. Why? Why not, I like the way it looks. I didn’t think it would be an issue. I mean, why would it be an issue? It’s my hair and I can have it the way I want. I didn’t think anything of it, I didn’t actually realise that there would be any grief, I thought it would be absolutely fine. I mean, people get their hair cut, dye it, do whatever they want to their hair all the time, so why would it be any different?
A week before results day I went and got my hair done, I had finally convinced myself that I wanted it exactly the way I thought. So I went to go and get it done. A few days after getting it done, I put a picture up on social media. There were nothing but nice comments about it.
This is the picture that I posted on social media a few days after getting my hair done.
I then went to collect my GCSE results a week later and yet again, I got a lot of compliments about the way my hair looked. I was absolutely chuffed, it raised my confidence.
Alison, what is your actual point…? Okay, I’m getting there…
The new school year finally started, it was the start of Year 12. We went back to school on my birthday, there still wasn’t a problem, I got told my hair looked nice.
No more than two weeks into sixth form it all started…
I didn’t do anything to provoke what happened. The first time it happened I was in a maths lesson. “She looks like Skrillex”, along with various other comments were said to me and about me. It was just three people saying it, I ignored it. It didn’t actually bother me to begin with, I was so happy with the way it looked that nothing could bring me down. But then walking home a group of Year 10s started to say the same thing, when I say a group I mean like 20 boys saying things to me. It did bother me a little bit. Of course it would, I was happy with how it looked.
The same thing carried on, I would get various comments said to me in maths and when walking home I would get the same thing. One lunch time, I started to get the same thing from the same group of boys. Although I was sat with my friends so it didn’t bother me. A few of my friends told them to leave me alone. The group still carried on but because we weren’t paying any attention to them they started to throw food at me. How can you ignore that? A few of my friends got up to go and speak to them but then I thought about, “If you ignore it and pretend you don’t notice, they might stop, right?” I was wrong. It carried on until a teacher came over telling them to stop.
It carried on for a whole week, I had food thrown at me near enough every lunch time. I then went and told someone, I wasn’t going to at first but a friend convinced me to go, she even came with me to in case I didn’t really want to talk about it. The outcome of talking about it was that it all stopped for like three days…but then it carried on again..
This happened for a whole month and I didn’t tell anyone else, I thought if I left it, it would stop, it would end and I would be left alone. Obviously telling someone wasn’t the right answer. I was 100% wrong! Being honest, I didn’t want to tell anyone, it’s kind of embarrassing when you are having food thrown at you on a daily basis, it really affects someone’s self-esteem..
When on my way home I would have things said to me, the advantages of riding a bike are that you can get past people faster than on foot. But not if they block the path just so they can say cruel things…
It was no longer my hair they were picking on me for, they were now saying things about my weight and anything else they thought of. I eventually had enough of all the grief I was getting, I spoke to my friend about it and then finally went and told my dad.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, no one knows what is going on unless you tell them, after all, they don’t have a crystal ball.
The morning after I told my dad, he went into the school to go and speak to someone about what was going on. I felt nervous, I didn’t really want him to go into the school, I thought it would cause more problems but once again I was wrong. I got asked to explain what was going on and why I didn’t tell anyone that it carried on after telling the first teacher. The sad truth is that I was use to it, I wasn’t happy with it but I was used to it. Which links back to a post that I wrote a few weeks ago: Just because you’re used to something doesn’t mean it’s okay..!
Within two weeks, I was getting pulled out of my lessons to go and speak about how I felt. I then got the opportunity to speak to the people who were causing me to feel the way I was feeling. My main question was why, why did they feel the need to be cruel? Why did they have to take it that far in the first place? What did I ever do to them for them to treat me how they did? And so on…
Most of the answers I got were, “It was just a joke” or they said that they never did it…
I didn’t understand how I could possibly take it as a joke, I get the whole being called Skrillex thing, I found it funny after a while, not that I want to be called that because I don’t. But throwing food at me…how is that a joke?
I wanted to find a way to avoid having food thrown at me or being called names. I just really don’t understand how anyone in the right mind thinks that what I experienced was okay.
I thought that because it was a new year, that I would be in sixth form, that maybe, just maybe, people might have grown up and would finally leave me alone. I was wrong with that thought. Everyone that usually supports me reassured me that it wasn’t me, that it was them that had the problem and that I shouldn’t let them effect who I am.
Here’s my advice, if you want to do something different (Get your hair cut, dyed, change your style of clothes, ect), then go for it, if you like it then just do it. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do. If you get any grief then tell someone straight away, you never know it might not get better unless you tell someone.
Do what is best for you, forget everyone else, don’t worry about what people will say or think. You should have your best interests at heart.
I just wanted to finish this post off by saying thank you for all the support I got with this incident, you know who you are. It means so much to me. Without the support I would have most likely ended up leaving sixth form, that’s what I wanted to do. Who can learn and enjoy themselves when you have people bringing you down? Not me, that’s for sure. Massive thank you to my friends and my dad for supporting me through this, and even though I know they won’t see this, I want to acknowledge the support I got from two teachers at school, they arranged my opportunity of being able to speak to the ones that bullied me.
Some people will read this and will say, “That wasn’t bullying, chill.” It was bullying, it made me unhappy, made me want to leave school, made me feel uncomfortable with who I was and made me want to disappear within school, it WAS bullying.
Thank you for the ongoing support. Hope this has helped at least one person, or at least opened up someone’s eyes. Finally writing and posting this has made me feel like a massive weight has just been lifted off my shoulders.
Dated: 21st July 2016
Now here’s my actual point, the reason I wrote this in the first place… Getting the notification from Facebook made me realise that the Facebook status and the two blog posts above were written about the same group of boys. I also realised that the blog post I wrote in December was about the same group of boys too. The one in December was called: The positive outcome of telling a teacher about bullying…
It made me realise something, the school don’t keep their promises.
In Year 11 the same group of boys threw stones at me and I got promised that they would leave me alone.
In Year 12 they threw food at me and laughed about my hair, once again I was told that they wouldn’t do it again.
I’m in Year 13 now and in December they were intimidating me non-stop, once again when I spoke to the school I got promised that it would stop and if it happened again then the boys would be excluded.
A few weeks ago they started again and decided to make it their mission to walk into me on purpose, sounds like a small issue right? It didn’t bother me but when it happened everyday for a week it gets annoying. Walking around them doesn’t work when there’s so many of them.
Walking into me doesn’t bother me, it’s kind of funny, I mean you nearly dropped your brand new phone, it doesn’t bother me at all. That would have been hilarious. Karma.
Getting back to my point…
Little Heath School don’t keep their promises. I was promised each and every time that they would leave me alone and I would be able to get on with my exams and coursework without the bullying. Obviously, as you can tell from my blog posts and what I write about a lot, this worked really well and they defiantly left me alone.
I’m writing about this because it just goes to show that when you are promised something because it goes against their bullying policy and makes them look bad on the internet, that they will promise anything to keep an individual quiet so that the issue goes away. As you can see the action they take obviously works…
I know that people keep telling me to name and shame the bullies, to copy and paste their comments and screenshot what they send me on social media, but I don’t want to do that as I feel sorry for them. What I said in last weeks blog post shows just how sorry I feel for anyone that bullies anyone.
Okay, so that’s it from me this week. I know this is a long one but I needed to get it off my chest. I was going to try to post yesterday as it was Thursday and that’s the usual day that I post but it took me a little while longer to write this one because I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anything out. Thank you for all the support from my friends and family, especially my dad because he always helps sort out the bullying.
Have a good week, stay strong and keep smiling. We’ll see what next weeks blog post brings. Much love – Alison xx