It’s been a year since I started my blog!!!

12467743_10203773592979554_1018989739_n.jpgGuys!!! I’ve been banging on about this for a few weeks now, but today is a year exactly since I started my blog (Kinda, I made it the 30th but told everyone about it 31st December (Oh well))!

I’m so pleased that I can say that I’ve been doing this for a year, there’s been a lot of difficulties with the blog, I mean at first when I started it I was so worried but got amazing support from friends and family. Then, a few months into writing my blog there was trouble from a few people at school telling groups of people that used to bully me that I was writing about them, of course this upset me, I was worried I was going to get bullied again, so I didn’t write for a few weeks. But then I thought about it, it’s my blog, I can write what I want. It was fine for a bit after that, the support was great, but then of course, when I thought nothing could go wrong, I was getting called names by a group of boys who found out about my blog and so the blog was made as a joke. Even though this happened I still wrote blog posts. So here I am, a year on, able to say that even though I was getting grief I still carried on.

Some may read this post and think, “So what, it’s just a blog.” But it’s my blog, it’s something that is personal to me, that’s why this means so much. I’ve been told throughout the year that I have helped quite a few people, that means so much to me, it was he aim when I started it, so I’m very pleased! I found out today that I’ve got 1000 views on my blog, which is amazing for me, I’m literally so happy. I don’t know what I was worried about when I started. I enjoy writing for each Thursday, it’s now became a hobby.

A massive shout out to all the amazing people in my life that have been really supportive with my blog and everything else, not just this year, but the past couple of years, thank you!! (You know who you are.) It means so much to me! Also a big thank you to the 1000+ people that have been reading my blog, thank you so much, it means so much!

My 2015 in pictures:

2015 has definitely been one of my toughest years yet. However, I’ve definitely learned a lot and enjoyed myself along the way. It’s been one of my silliest, funniest, greatest years yet, there have been times when it was tough but with the support from my amazing friends and family it has been great! A few highlights were definitely starting up my blog, going to the young carers festival, prom, spending my summer with friends, getting my GCSE results, having a get together for my birthday in the rain (Sorry guys, I didn’t realise it was going to rain!!), starting sixth form, having a fantastic Christmas and to finish it all off, celebrating a year of this blog!

It’s official, it’s one year since I started blogging! One year since I decided I’d stick up for myself more. My confidence has improved and I believe I am turning into a stronger person mentally. Thank you to everyone who has supported me this year, it means so much, so thank you! That’s it from me this year (Ha get it, cause it’s 2016 tomorrow? Sorry, that wasn’t a funny joke aha)!

Happy New Year! Hope your 2016 is great! Have fun with whatever you are doing tonight to celebrate the new year. Best wishes. Much Love – Alison xx

12467743_10203773592979554_1018989739_n.jpg

Advertisements

Time to start thinking about New Years Resolutions…

12434257_10203735972999078_1927411907_n

Credit to Callie for choosing the quote! xx

So it’s Christmas eve, and even though it’s exactly a week until New Years Eve I’ve already started thinking about my New Years Resolutions. Now that I think about it, the week will go quick so it’s not really that far away (Whoopsie!)

All through the year I’ve been thinking about what I can achieve next year, whenever I’ve gone through something that I don’t want to go through again, I’ve been thinking about what I could do to stop it from happening again. So instead of thinking about things I want to achieve, like the usual resolutions that are broken 3 months into the year. I’m going to see what I can do to stop things from repeating themselves.

I feel like that will be the easiest way to make 2016 better, I don’t want to say 2016 is going to be my year because I said that about 2015, however, this year has been one of the toughest years for me. I think I jinxed it to be honest, I think next time I’m not going to say “it’s going to be my year” next time, I’m just going to wait for it to be my year. I don’t think next year is going to be my year, I just think that it’s going to be a little bit easier.

I just realised how much I type “I think”, whoops, that’s quite a lot.

So instead of saying I’ve got a few new years resolutions, I’m just going to add them to the To Do List and hope that I achieve them… This time next year I want to be able to say that I’ve achieved everything that I wanted to.

Here are my New Years Resolutions Things to achieve in 2016:

  • Accept who I am and be happy with it: The things people said in the past have made me rethink the way I am and it has made me unhappy, BUT, I’m me and if they can’t accept that then that’s there problem. The goal is to carry on being me and be happy with it, no matter what people think.
  • Don’t be afraid to laugh even louder: Anyone that’s ever heard my laugh knows that I sound a bit crazy (Finally admitting it, not sorry, not changing), however, whenever I laugh there’s always someone staring at me and that instantly makes me stop laughing because they stare. I reckon I need to change that.
  • Not care about what people think or say: This definitely needs to be changed (!!!), I care about what people say way to much when I really shouldn’t because it shouldn’t matter to me.
  • Look forward, never take steps backwards
  • Get my confidence back: Keep my head held high and ignore those that try to ruin it.
  • Carry on writing my blog
  • Keep smiling no matter what (Shouldn’t be too difficult for me)
  • Be happy

I reckon, if I carry on surrounding myself with positive people, then these “Things to do” are possible. I just need to take control and be me, which shouldn’t be too difficult. (Sorry guys, I guess the laugh is just going to get louder and weirder, not sorry) Haha!

If you have any New Years Resolutions, comment them below! It’d be nice to know what other people want to achieve in 2016!

Anyways, that’s it from me this week. The next blog post will be up New Year’s Eve (SPECIAL POST!!). Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas! Enjoy the presents and food, and most of all the time you spend with family and friends. Much love! – Alison xx

 

15 Reasons why I started my blog.

12380332_10203703920477785_1559103504_nSo on Sunday night I had a really good idea, well I think it’s a good idea anyway. I realized I hadn’t really explained to anyone why I started a blog in the first place, other than the reason that I wanted to help people with bullying, but what better way to explain why I started my blog than write about why I started it. (Credit to Callie for choosing the quote!xx)

Here it goes, 15 reasons I started my blog:

Reason 1: So I can help anyone who is in the same situation as I was…

The aim of my blog is to help people who are victims of bullying, quite frankly, I know how it feels to be brought down and loose confidence because of people who wish to harm my happiness (A.K.A. Bullies), I don’t want anyone else to feel like that. I mean, I know I can’t stop bullying, it’s everywhere! But if people know how to deal with it then maybe, just maybe, bullies will eventually go instinct! I have this theory that if people that bully others realize that what they say doesn’t harm anyone then maybe they’ll stop and use their negativity for something else, maybe that negativity will turn into positivity? I don’t really know if that makes sense, but I’m just putting it out there…

 

Reason 2: Because my friends said it’d be a good idea…

On the 31st December 2014, I asked a few of the closest people to me whether it was a good idea to start a blog and they said yes. I’d been thinking about starting a blog since Pride of Reading but I wasn’t really sure whether I should have or not, I was ready to start it, I just needed a confidence boost. I’m not going to lie, I was nervous and kind of scared about whether I’d get bullied even more for it, but I’m really glad that I started this blog because I’ve had a ton of support and feedback from it saying how it’s a great thing I’m doing. Friends and family convinced me it’d be a good idea to start this and they were right, so thank you for boosting my confidence! (You know who you are).

 

Reason 3: To attempt to open up to my friends more…

Sometimes, I’ll try and talk to my friends about certain things, like the bullying, but I find it really difficult to say how I actually feel, so this blog is another way for me to open up to them. Quite a few of them read this, it’s sort of easier for me to talk to them about it. The other day a friend said to me that he’s learned a lot more about me by reading my blog. I mean, I talk to him quite a lot and tell him almost everything, but him reading my blog has made him see the bigger picture, the scale of the problem (bullying). It’s another way to help me open up. I don’t really know if that makes sense…

 

Reason 4: So I can use my blog as a diary…

I’ve always wanted to have a diary, to draw weird pictures and write about my day. To write important moments and special things that have happened, but whenever I buy a notebook to write in, I kind of get bored of writing in it. I use to think having a diary would be a great thing to look back on, but what’s the point of a diary if it’s never going to be shared with anyone? I prefer writing on my blog than I do a diary, it’s better to know that I’m helping people with sharing my experiences than keeping them in a notebook that no ones ever going to read.

 

Reason 5: Because I was inspired by Pride of Reading…

Being nominated and going to the Pride of Reading awards really inspired me. I wanted to do more to help, I thought of ways I could help people and blogging was an idea I came up with. What better way to help people than over social media, everyone has some sort of social media now-a-days. When I was experiencing bullying at its worst I know that I would’ve appreciated reading a blog to do with bullying, it would’ve really helped me. Going to Pride of Reading and talking to the people that I did, really made me realize that there’s a lot more I can do to help others; blogging being one of them.

 

Reason 6: So I can look back at the past…

Most people want to forget their past, especially if it wasn’t a happy one, but I want to be able to look back on it. In 5 years time, I want to be able to re-read all my blog posts and see how far I have came. I think that would make me realize how strong I really am, whenever someone upsets me, I think of myself as weak, but if I was to see how far I have came since the bullying then I’d realize how strong I really am.

 

Reason 7: To build up my confidence…

In a years time I’m hoping to be the best I can be, to be confident in writing what I want to write about, to have enough confidence as a person that what others say won’t affect me. It’s a work in progress, but I’m getting there.

 

Reason 8: To open up to myself more…

I used to think that it was my fault, they were bullying me because I had done something wrong. I’d blame myself for it. When writing a post, I don’t really think that much, I just write about the topic, I don’t over think it, I wait until I’ve fully finished it and then I’ll read it, kind of what I’m doing now. Writing my blog this way, helps me open up to myself, it helps me understand why it happens to me and makes me realize that its not my fault.

 

Reason 9: Because I want to remember everything…

This kind of links up to reason 4 and 6. One of the reasons I started this blog was because I wanted to remember every single detail about what happens, if something bad happens to me that day and I get really upset about it (Bullying for example), I’ll want to write about it, I want to look back and see exactly what people did to me to upset me and see if I can overcome it, something’s I already have overcome.

 

Reason 10: I want people to understand me more…

Now I know not everyone is going to understand me, they won’t understand why I do what I do and they won’t always agree, that’s okay and I don’t mind that, but as I’ve said before quite a few people that I know personally read this blog and so it’s a way for me to open up to them even more. Quite often I’ll re-read something and won’t know if the idea makes sense so quite a lot I ask if it makes sense, not that I’m going to get a reply but oh well.

 

Reason 11: To know that I’m helping people…

One of my goals in life is to help people, helping people makes me happy and I like to know that I make a difference. The feedback that I get from this blog really does mean a lot to me, on a Friday I almost always get a text message from a friend saying that they enjoyed reading my blog and I almost always get comments about it in school, it really does make my day. So thank you to everyone that does give me feedback, it means a lot to me!

 

Reason 12: To help myself become a stronger person…

Writing really helps me, if I have a bad day I’ll end up writing a new post for my blog, I turn the negativity into positivity and manage to write something that helps me open up to more people. If I can turn someone’s negativity towards me into positivity for my blog post then I might manage to help someone with my blog. I don’t really know if that makes sense but it makes sense to me.

 

Reason 13: Because it helps me…

Writing about my past experiences and what I’m going through helps me reflect on what is happening and so instead of making a rash decision I end up thinking about it more and making a good decision. Writing is kind of like talking to someone about it, which helps if I have no one to speak to.

 

Reason 14: Because it’s personal to me…

My blog is like a diary to me, it’s personal, I guess I started it because I wanted to start keeping note of everything. Most people look at it and think, well it’s just a blog, but to me it’s much more than that. A lot of people know how much it means to me.

 

Reason 15: Because it means a lot to me…

Reason 14 is kind of the same as reason 15… But my blog does mean a lot to me, it’s like a hobby (that sounds sad whoops), no one can take it away from me, it’s kind of like reading, I love to read, I love to write posts for my blog. It’s something that belongs to me and pretty much all the posts on my blog are ideas that have came from me. Most people know that it means a lot to me because if I ever have free time, I’m on my phone typing up a blog post for the next week. As soon as I get an idea I write it down. It shows the other part of me, I suppose, like a biography about a famous person, except for I’m not famous and it’s not a biography. I can’t really explain it, it just means a lot to me.

 

So that’s it, 15 reasons why I started MyInsaneWxnderland Blog. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading! It’s a week exactly until Christmas eve and tomorrow it’s the last day of school (AHHHHHHHH!), I’m excited! There will be a new post up on the 24th December and also a special post up on the 31st December! Hope everyone has a good rest of their week and a good start to their Christmas half term! Much love – Alison xx

Pretending to be someone your not because of society…

It’s got to the point where society sometimes makes you think that you have to pretend to be someone that your not, you have to fit it, you can’t be different, you have to be the same as everyone else, you have to like the same things as everyone else. In schools, before discovering who you really are, most teenagers think that they have to fit in and go the same way as the rest of the crowd.

Reading this, I don’t know if you have ever felt the same way as I did, but in year 7 because I’d been bullied before and didn’t want it to happen again, I thought it’d be best if I tried to fit in. Looking back at it now I wish I was just myself from the beginning because I’m much happier when I’m myself.

I thought that if I was different people would like me more and wouldn’t bully me, obviously I was wrong. But it got to the point where I attempted to fit in with people that were nothing like me. I’d try to fit in with the popular people, sounds sad, and I don’t really know what was going through my head but I tried it, what’s so good about being popular anyway?

But I attempted and failed, I was the joke, being the naive person I was, I thought they were friends, I thought they were nice, but turns out I was the joke. That’s why they were laughing…I didn’t really understand it at first but looking back I do.

After a while I ended up going around on my own, I’d sit on a brick wall and read a book at lunch or break, I’d go to the library at break or lunch, I’d do anything to get away from people, that was the only way I wouldn’t be the joke. It didn’t really change much though because I still got the mick taken out of me in lessons, I’d be the joke, I remember really hating Geography from year 7 to year 9 because of who was in my class, I sat on the same table as them and when it changed they were sat around me, so I was still being picked on, they’d call me names on a daily basis, but instead of saying anything I kept quiet.

In year 9, I started to find myself, I started being myself, I was loud, I still am, I wasn’t afraid to laugh (it’s a bit LOUD). I wasn’t afraid to tell really bad jokes and I definitely was not ashamed of the way I was. I showed the real me to the people who I consider friends and I soon started to open up. I was really loud and energetic. I started to actually enjoy school, and a lot of people noticed the difference in me.

What I’m trying to say is that no matter how badly people treat you, never change who you are, it’s really not worth it, honestly I regret it, I wish I was myself when I was younger because it probably would’ve helped me. Never change for anyone! It’s not worth your happiness. So if you get called a nerd, rock it, who cares? Nerds are cool! If you like a band or singer that everyone hate, don’t worry about it, they’ve probably never even heard of whoever it is that you like. If your a bookworm, rock it! Read as many books as you like, why stop doing something you really like to do if it makes you happy. If someone doesn’t like your eyes, hair or body, stuff them! It’s your body and if your comfortable with yourself then that’s all that matters! Don’t stop yourself from progressing just because of other people!

Right, that’s it from me this week. Hope everyone has a good rest of their week! It’s almost the end of term for Christmas holidays (ahhhhhh!) Thank you to Callie for giving me the idea of writing about this! Much love – Alison xx

When the past comes back…

Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of people that used to bully me, I’m not talking about the ones that have been horrible over the years, I’m on about the ones that started everything in year 7.

I was on the bus and someone who I thought I’d never see again sat opposite me, I had a rush of nerves. The last time I saw him he chucked gum in my hair and made me the joke of the day. I’m not going to lie, I was a bit surprised that I saw him after 5 years, I even had to stare to see if it was really him. All the memories rushed back and I couldn’t help but think about the trouble he must of been going through when he was upsetting me the way he was, I mean, you got to be going through a pretty hard time to treat someone like that. I wanted to ask if he remembered me and if he did, why he did what he did, but I didn’t particularly want to talk to him anyway, the past is in the past and although I will most likely never forget what happened, I don’t want it brought up. That probably defeats the object of writing it on my blog but oh well.
People always used to me that I’ll move on and forget about it and although I’ll never forget about it I will definitely move on and better myself as much as I can.

There was a careers fair in school last week, and one of the people running one of the stools was one of the boys that used to be in a big group down the school alley that used to pick on me, they’d trip me up so I’d fall in the mud puddle and then say horrible things to me. They would throw stones at me, food at me, anything they could find. They would block my way so I couldn’t get out the alley to go home. They would come up to me and put their arm around my shoulder and take the micky.
The boy I saw at the careers fair, was the same boy that used to be the main one in the group to upset me. Me being who I am, saw him, smiled and walked straight past him with my head held high. Yes he may of been able to upset me 5/6 years ago but now, now he can’t say anything that will upset me, I’m stronger and honestly, I don’t care what he has to say, it doesn’t matter to me, what he has to say is probably not interesting anyway. When I was sat down he was staring at me, and I could see it, he remembered who I was, maybe not my name, but he remembered. I felt sorry for him, life must be pretty bad if you have to take the time to upset other people.

I’ve always had people say to me, “Oh, don’t worry, they’ll leave you alone soon and you’ll forget all about it.” But the truth is, they didn’t leave me alone because I didn’t tell anyone what was going on and I didn’t stand up for myself so it got worse and it went on for a few years and I will probably never forget what happened. It’s what you take from the situation that will help you in later life though, I somehow managed to take positivity from the bullying and turned out to be the person I am, some people may turn it into negativity and turn into a bully themselves but if you really think about it, you know how it feels to be treated like that so why do it to others?

Sorry this weeks blog post is short, next blog post will be up next Thursday (as usual)!! Have a good week! – Alison xx