First post of 2018: I’m not really bothered anymore…

Hey guys, happy 2018! It is almost the end of January and I haven’t posted yet, so here’s my first post of 2018. As I’m writing this it’s coming up to the end of the 3rd week of January. The start of the year has been pretty good, pretty busy, but I’m really motivated to do anything I put my mind to. I believe it’s a good mindset to have, as in the past I have said the same but so far I have stuck with it – I believe I can stick with this mindset the whole year, but we’ll see. I’ve tried to write this post so many times but I wanted to make sure I really felt this way before posting, so here goes…

“I’m not really bothered anymore…”

That’s how I felt when I woke up on New Years Day, I woke up, had a look at the comments on my blog and had a look at social media. Scrolling through the different social media’s that I have, seeing people who I used to be friends with, seeing people who used to bully me – It just felt really weird. I suddenly didn’t care. There had been people who didn’t bother with me in the past even if I was making an effort, and I just noticed that I didn’t care that they weren’t bothered anymore.

I used to spend so much time worrying about what I had done wrong, questions like “Why did this person suddenly not want to talk to me anymore?” “What had changed between us?” – Even though I still don’t know the reason behind it (I don’t really care anymore), I realised that people will talk when they want to talk.

So at 1am on 2nd January, I started writing a message out, that I would then send to all the people who I talk to, not long after I had written it. I spend 15 minutes turning off ALL my notifications for every single app. As I’m writing this, it is currently 20/01 and I’m still sticking to my social media silence. In the message I sent, it said:

“Please understand where I’m coming from when you read this…

Hi, soo, I’ve decided I’m turning off my notifications for all social media’s and taking a break from it all. Not like before, but I’ll only go on it when I want to AND not when I get a notification. I want to focus more on me (sounds cocky I know, it’s not meant to), I want to focus on my mental health, college, work, life, and focus on the people who actually care about me. I want to focus on the people who make themselves relevant to my life. I’m only going to go on social media when I feel like it and not when I see a number on the app. I feel like a lot of people will understand me when I say I’m doing this, so thank you❤️”

Before turning off my notifications, I spent way too much time on social media, every time someone sent me something I would be quick to reply, I wouldn’t be living in the moment because I was too busy on my phone. I missed out on jokes or scenery, all because of a piece of technology. And in my opinion, that sucks… Teenagers spend way too much time on their phones, but when you hit a certain age (WOW, I sound old), you realise that it doesn’t matter anymore. Well, to be honest, I don’t know if people realise that, it’s just my opinion.

Since turning off my notifications I’ve learnt a lot, I’ve learnt that some people will only talk to you if you message them first. I’ve learnt that when I meet up with someone there is more to talk about. I’ve learnt that having my notifications turned off means I can focus on what I want/need to do, for example, I’ve read a lot more and I’m actually getting coursework done quicker because I’m not looking at my phone every 5 minutes. It’s a blessing really, my eyes have well and truly been opened.

It’s not just my phone being quieter that has made me think that I’m not bothered anymore…

I’ve seen people who I would usually try to hide from (Sad, I know – more on that later) so that they don’t say anything horrible, but I don’t have to do that anymore, and when people do say horrible things, I don’t care!

The bullies haven’t won, I have. Your words mean nothing to me. So say what you want, shout it from the rooftops, it won’t matter how loud you say it, I don’t care anymore. I’ve won.

When I said I used to hide from them, that was true, if I just saw them walk in a shop, I wouldn’t go in the same shop, if I saw them walk down the road I would walk the opposite way, if I saw them walking towards me in the street, I would cross the road. That’s how bad that got, but as people kept telling me, I wouldn’t feel that way forever.

I guess it got better – the part of me that cared about everything, I can now say I’m not bothered. I’m not that person anymore, I still care about a few things, but what people have to say about me isn’t one of them.

Just want to say thank you to my friends, for being my friends. I couldn’t be more grateful for your support, I don’t know where I’d be without a lot of you. You guys are awesome! (You know who you are). Thank you to my dad and my brother for all the support and everything else (I don’t have to say, you know the deal). Love you lots xx

Okay, so that’s it, I suppose. Before I carried on with this blog, I just wanted to say my piece and have it known why I no longer care. Happy New Year! May your year be happier, brighter, bigger and better! Keep smiling. Much love – Ally xx