Hi guys! So I haven’t posted in a while and I apologise for that (I’ve been asked by a few people to post something – I got asked in September but I haven’t felt like writing). Thing is, this blog is like my diary, a place to write when I’m upset or frustrated about something and over the past few months, I really haven’t felt that way.
I’ll explain. I went from somewhere where I was afraid to walk around, wouldn’t say boo to a ghost, I was scared to even go to school, let alone be who I really am. However, in September, I started college, I’m 3 months into college and I love it! I’ve made friends, something I didn’t think I would do, I haven’t had anyone say anything horrible to me, and I’m not worried about walking around. I actually like waking up early in the morning to go to college. Whereas with sixth form, I dreaded it and had to be dragged out of bed in the morning.
Being 100% honest, my dad told me to apply for college and I’m so lucky and grateful that he did because I am having a great time there and have met amazing people who I know I’m going to be friends with for a long time. I didn’t want to apply, he told me I needed to apply or give up on education as I didn’t have another choice. I was so scared, I really didn’t want to go, I didn’t even want to try it, to see what it was like.
I don’t think it’s an age thing, it’s because I genuinely am in a better environment. But I don’t think I would be who I am without the experiences I had.
At Little Heath School, I had horrible things said to me on almost a daily basis, I was pushed around and terrified to walk down the alley to go to school and go home. I was terrified to sit on my own during free periods, terrified to even go and get my lunch on my own. I was in a really bad place, I didn’t want to go to the sixth form anymore but had to – just to get the grades that I needed to get into college.
I’m now in a place where they have a zero tolerance of any kind of bullying, where if anyone bullies someone they get kicked out, they actually care about students wellbeing and what they think about themselves. I know this is true and not something that they say to keep people happy as I’ve witnessed it where someone has been told off and sent to an office where they got told they were getting kicked out if they carried on.
Too right as well, no one deserves to get bullied. I wouldn’t wish some of the stuff that has happened to me, on anyone, no one deserves it, I know what it did to me and so I wouldn’t want that to happen to anyone else.
On my first day at college, I was nervous as heck, I didn’t think I would make any friends. I knew people there already but they are doing a different course to me and so I knew I wouldn’t see them as much as I would want to in college. On the first day, I was put with two people who helped me develop my confidence (to walk into the lunch hall) (to spend free periods by myself), it sounds stupid but after Little Heath, I really was THAT scared.
I then ended up making friends with this lovely group of girls and I don’t really know how it happened, we’re on the same course but I don’t know how I went from being really shy and not talking to anyone (I tried but it was difficult), to being able to have friendly banter, sing along on coaches (even if it is to High School Musical) and be genuinely comfortable around them. It’s odd but it happened and I’m honestly really happy.
I’m not saying I didn’t have this at Little Heath, I did, but only with a few people and I was terrified to walk around. Whereas now, I’m not, we spend our lunches singing or messing about. I can walk into the lunch hall without worrying about what people say, and I’m genuinely happy to be there.
To my actual point of this post…
This week is Anti-Bullying Week and I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, so here I am, having my voice heard, sat here writing this post.
If you are being bullied or know someone who is, speak out, tell someone, or if you know someone who is being bullied try to support them as much as you can.
I know that if it weren’t for three of the teachers, support from some of my friends and the support from my dad, that I wouldn’t have made it out of Little Heath, I would have given up and left. So in a way, I would have made it out of Little Heath but it would have been pointless, the last 7 years of me struggling and putting in effort to pass would have been for nothing – but I did it, I pulled through and managed to finish, no matter how difficult things got towards the end.
So please, for your own sake, tell someone, a parent, a friend, a sibling, even your favourite teacher – someone is bound to help you and hopefully, it will get sorted.
Bullying in schools needs to be taken more seriously, I was told so many times, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you”, the thing is they do hurt, and yes some people can ignore it but I am one of those that can’t. However, now I’m sort of in a place where I don’t care, mainly because I’m not worried about seeing them daily, or being physically hurt. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, I can have a good old rant to my best mate over text about how I hate bullies and it’s all better, I feel so much better after.
So this year, I’m saying enough is enough, I will no longer let myself care about what you say because although it is tough sometimes, the bullies are not worth it.
So whether it’s bullying that’s happening face to face or bullying that’s happening online, tell someone, it won’t make the situation worse.
Speak out, support others and do something about it. Don’t let people stand alone, don’t let the bullies win.
I’m really lucky, I have a really good support system, I have my dad, my brother and some of my family. My friends that I have known for the longest time (you know who you are), the guys and girls from Young Carers, and the new people who I have met at college.
If you lot see this, thank you, you all mean so much to me. I miss a lot of you (Those that I haven’t seen in a while) and I always end up taking a leaf out of your books, I walk around with my head held high and I focus on my good days, not my bad days. I do realise that things do get better and although I didn’t believe it, to begin with, deep down I believe its true – even on the days that are really bad.
A big thank you to two of the greatest people I have ever met for helping me get around the college and help me out with where I was going, introducing me to people, etc. It is greatly appreciated. Also a big thank you to those that text me day in, day out when I was alone to make sure I was okay.
Last one – Another big thank you to the girls at college (whether you see this or not, I mean every word, as cheesy as it is), thank you for accepting me, understanding me and allowing me to be who I really am, I don’t have to pretend or tone it done and that is great! You allow me to be the crazy me, I have always been. Purely because you lot are just as crazy as me (I’m not saying High School Musical is a bad choice of songs but this sentence kind of sums it up).
Okay so that’s it, I will try to post more. I have some things in my drafts that need posting, it’s just having the time to do it, but I shall try. This was my space to rant and write and express myself when I couldn’t elsewhere, and now that I can be who I truly am without any grief, I don’t really have to write anymore. I’m not saying I don’t love writing, I just have less reason to. So I’m going to turn this space into somewhere, where people can read and get help with whatever they may be going through – that’s the goal anyway. Have a good week, keep smiling and stay strong. Leave a comment and I’ll get back to you as soon as I see it (as always). Much love, Ally xx
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