Don’t make changes to yourself because of others…

Hello again, I just wanted to say a massive thank you as always for the support that I keep getting from every post that I write. It means so much! Last week, I actually got a few messages from a few girls saying thank you for sharing the post with everyone. Knowing that I have helped someone means so much to me, that reaches my entire point of this blog, I’m already achieving what I thought wouldn’t be possible for a while. So thank you so much for the support and feedback. It really does help!

So, this weeks post kind of links to last weeks post about the grief I got with my hair.

Here goes…

Okay, so a while ago, when I got grief about my hair (If you don’t already know about this, check out last weeks post), I tried to hide the shaved part of my hair. I pulled my hair back to how it used to be and hid what I was being bullied about, my hair. I didn’t want to be bullied about it anymore, I got my hair cut differently because I wanted to. It wasn’t to impress anyone, it was because it was something that I wanted to do. I got fed up of being bullied though, it was every single day, in school and on the way home. My brother was even being affected by what was happening. So I covered it up, hoping that I would be left alone but that didn’t happen, it still carried on.

Two months passed of me trying to hide my hair and it didn’t stop. That’s when my dad started going into the school, I told him I wanted to let my hair grow out again (Lies, complete lies, I didn’t want to whatsoever! In fact, I still don’t!!!). When the problem started to get solved I started to put my hair up, so I wasn’t hiding it anymore. Why should I have to hide it anyway?

The way I look at it is, you see boys with shaved patterns in their hair and they don’t get bullied about that so why should I have to hide my hair. I love the way it looks, I’m so happy with how it turned out, so why should I have to hide it… I shouldn’t and I no longer do hide it.

That kind of sums up my point with anything really, why change who you are because of someone else? You shouldn’t have to and if you’re happy then who cares?! If you want to dye your hair green, go for it! If you want to wear that shirt that everyone makes fun of, do it! Why should you have to do things differently or change because of others, I’m telling you from experience, you shouldn’t have to do anything that you don’t want to and if you do change because of them, it gets worse, they know they have won, they see they can have an effect on you. If you want to do something then go for it. Don’t do it because others say to.

It took me such a long time to realise this but it’s true, don’t make changes to yourself because of others, do it for you!

Yesterday I posted a picture of myself with a quote that I love ever so much so I thought I would share it.

Be happy, be who you want to be. If others don’t like it, let them be. As the saying goes, happiness is a choice. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody

My point is: Don’t change who you are for other people, especially if you are being bullied. Be who you want to be.

So that’s it from me this week. A shorter post than usual but I just wanted to get the message across because I spent way to much time trying to change for other people, not to impress them, but for them to leave me alone. Hope this helps someone! There will be a new blog post next week. Stay positive and have hope. Much love – Alison xx

It’s finally time to talk about the grief I got in September…

Hey guys, I just wanted to start off this post by saying thank you for the support from last weeks blog post, it means more to me than anyone will ever know. The summer holiday’s are finally here! Yippeee! Since it’s the summer holidays, I wanted to talk about all the grief I got at the start of Year 12 and how I dealt with it because I know a few people who are going through the same sort of thing at the moment.

I have wanted to write about this topic and experience for a while now. I never thought it was the right time to do so, but since it’s the summer holidays and come September it will be a year since it happened, I feel that it’s best to write about it now. Fingers crossed it will help someone, I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through the same sort of thing and not know how to deal with it. Hope this helps.

For years, I have wanted to get my hair cut a certain way, I wanted to have one side of my head shaved. Why? Why not, I like the way it looks. I didn’t think it would be an issue. I mean, why would it be an issue? It’s my hair and I can have it the way I want. I didn’t think anything of it, I didn’t actually realise that there would be any grief, I thought it would be absolutely fine. I mean, people get their hair cut, dye it, do whatever they want to their hair all the time, so why would it be any different?

A week before results day I went and got my hair done, I had finally convinced myself that I wanted it exactly the way I thought. So I went to go and get it done. A few days after getting it done, I put a picture up on social media. There were nothing but nice comments about it.

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This is the picture that I posted on social media a few days after getting my hair done.

I then went to collect my GCSE results a week later and yet again, I got a lot of compliments about the way my hair looked. I was absolutely chuffed, it raised my confidence.

Alison, what is your actual point…? Okay, I’m getting there…

The new school year finally started, it was the start of Year 12. We went back to school on my birthday, there still wasn’t a problem, I got told my hair looked nice.

No more than two weeks into sixth form it all started…

I didn’t do anything to provoke what happened. The first time it happened I was in a maths lesson. “She looks like Skrillex”, along with various other comments were said to me and about me. It was just three people saying it,  I ignored it. It didn’t actually bother me to begin with, I was so happy with the way it looked that nothing could bring me down. But then walking home a group of Year 10s started to say the same thing, when I say a group I mean like 20 boys saying things to me. It did bother me a little bit. Of course it would, I was happy with how it looked.

The same thing carried on, I would get various comments said to me in maths and when walking home I would get the same thing. One lunch time, I started to get the same thing from the same group of boys. Although I was sat with my friends so it didn’t bother me. A few of my friends told them to leave me alone. The group still carried on but because we weren’t paying any attention to them they started to throw food at me. How can you ignore that? A few of my friends got up to go and speak to them but then I thought about, “If you ignore it and pretend you don’t notice, they might stop, right?” I was wrong. It carried on until a teacher came over telling them to stop.

It carried on for a whole week, I had food thrown at me near enough every lunch time. I then went and told someone, I wasn’t going to at first but a friend convinced me to go, she even came with me to in case I didn’t really want to talk about it. The outcome of talking about it was that it all stopped for like three days…but then it carried on again..

This happened for a whole month and I didn’t tell anyone else, I thought if I left it, it would stop, it would end and I would be left alone. Obviously telling someone wasn’t the right answer. I was 100% wrong! Being honest, I didn’t want to tell anyone, it’s kind of embarrassing when you are having food thrown at you on a daily basis, it really affects someone’s self-esteem..

When on my way home I would have things said to me, the advantages of riding a bike are that you can get past people faster than on foot. But not if they block the path just so they can say cruel things…

It was no longer my hair they were picking on me for, they were now saying things about my weight and anything else they thought of. I eventually had enough of all the grief I was getting, I spoke to my friend about it and then finally went and told my dad.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, no one knows what is going on unless you tell them, after all, they don’t have a crystal ball.

The morning after I told my dad, he went into the school to go and speak to someone about what was going on. I felt nervous, I didn’t really want him to go into the school, I thought it would cause more problems but once again I was wrong. I got asked to explain what was going on and why I didn’t tell anyone that it carried on after telling the first teacher. The sad truth is that I was use to it, I wasn’t happy with it but I was used to it. Which links back to a post that I wrote a few weeks ago: Just because you’re used to something doesn’t mean it’s okay..!

Within two weeks, I was getting pulled out of my lessons to go and speak about how I felt. I then got the opportunity to speak to the people who were causing me to feel the way I was feeling. My main question was why, why did they feel the need to be cruel? Why did they have to take it that far in the first place? What did I ever do to them for them to treat me how they did? And so on…

Most of the answers I got were, “It was just a joke” or they said that they never did it…

I didn’t understand how I could possibly take it as a joke, I get the whole being called Skrillex thing, I found it funny after a while, not that I want to be called that because I don’t. But throwing food at me…how is that a joke?

I wanted to find a way to avoid having food thrown at me or being called names. I just really don’t understand how anyone in the right mind thinks that what I experienced was okay.

I thought that because it was a new year, that I would be in sixth form, that maybe, just maybe, people might have grown up and would finally leave me alone. I was wrong with that thought. Everyone that usually supports me reassured me that it wasn’t me, that it was them that had the problem and that I shouldn’t let them effect who I am.

Here’s my advice, if you want to do something different (Get your hair cut, dyed, change your style of clothes, ect), then go for it, if you like it then just do it. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do. If you get any grief then tell someone straight away, you never know it might not get better unless you tell someone.

Do what is best for you, forget everyone else, don’t worry about what people will say or think. You should have your best interests at heart.

I just wanted to finish this post off by saying thank you for all the support I got with this incident, you know who you are. It means so much to me. Without the support I would have most likely ended up leaving sixth form, that’s what I wanted to do. Who can learn and enjoy themselves when you have people bringing you down? Not me, that’s for sure. Massive thank you to my friends and my dad for supporting me through this, and even though I know they won’t see this, I want to acknowledge the support I got from two teachers at school, they arranged my opportunity of being able to speak to the ones that bullied me.

Some people will read this and will say, “That wasn’t bullying, chill.” It was bullying, it made me unhappy, made me want to leave school, made me feel uncomfortable with who I was and made me want to disappear within school, it WAS bullying.

Thank you for the ongoing support. Hope this has helped at least one person, or at least opened up someone’s eyes. Finally writing and posting this has made me feel like a massive weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. That’s it from me this week, I hope everyone has an amazing first week of their summer, there will be a new post next week! Stay positive and have hope. Much love – Alison xx

15 things I have learnt from my friends…

Hey guys, so this week I have decided to write an appreciation post for the ones that have supported me the most over the past few years. They know who they are. I really could never say thank you enough for what they do for me. They have raised my confidence, they have helped me through so much. This post is probably going to be ‘super cringe’ but oh well… At the end of the day, I have the most amazing support. They are the kindest, most loveliest, caring people in the world and I wouldn’t know what to do without them. I wouldn’t change them one bit!

In this post I am going to be writing about my 15 favourite quotes or things that I have learnt from my friends. They have taught me a lot, whether they know it or not, I have learnt things that I would never learn in school. I have also learnt things from people who are no longer my friends so I might add a few of those things as well because there important things that I have learnt.

Here goes..

1. You can’t trust everyone…

It took me a while to realise this, but I ended up realising that I can’t trust everyone, even the people who I thought I could trust. I know this sounds like a stupid point because most people already know this, I knew this, but I didn’t know that someone I classed as my friend could prove to be untrustworthy… I was like 14, okay? Don’t judge me..

2. Not everyone is here to stay…

“Alison these are obvious…” – To be honest, there not that obvious, when your little you think that your best friend is still going to be your best friend till your old and grey… However, I realised that this isn’t always the case. I was friends with 3 main people in primary school and I haven’t seen them since I’ve left, of course I have tried to stay in contact with them but it hasn’t worked very well. At the start of secondary school, I became friends with someone who I really believed was real…a true friend…turns out she decided that she’d rather be friends with the people who bullied me. At the time, course I was upset but now I don’t really care… It doesn’t affect me. I guess the lesson is that you can’t get too attached to someone in a short period of time and that you have to wait a while to know that they are going to stay. On the plus side, this isn’t 100% true for everyone, there are some people who have stuck around, hence the reason I am writing this post.

3. The smallest of things can brighten someone’s day…

Just a little example that happened today of the title of this heading, I’m just going to leave this here…

“I used to be a unicorn of magic but the troll ate me” – wizard A.K.A Callie

I’ve realised that it’s the little things that matter and that the smallest thing can brighten someone’s day. Even the smallest thing like just smiling at someone could brighten their day. Often I end up making the most ridiculous jokes that aren’t even funny (I’ll admit it’s true!), but even when someone gives me that face that looks like they’d rather be anywhere else but listening to the awful joke, it makes me smile because they either laugh because it’s not funny but I tried or laugh because it was stupid. Either way I know that it puts a smile on their face and that’s what matters most to me.

4. “The world will beat you to your knees if you let it, so don’t let it beat you down..!”

This is actually an interesting quote that made me open my eyes a little bit more. It’s 100% true! I was talking to my friend about what happened that day and about how I really wanted to move schools, this was his response. You just got to remember to keep your head up high no matter how difficult life gets.

5. You don’t have to try hard to impress your REAL friends, if they are your REAL friends then you will know about it…

Going back to the memories of year 7 when I got asked if someone could borrow money from me, I never got it back. I was taken advantage of and what they did was wrong. It was my mistake for trusting them. I didn’t try that hard to impress anyone, I didn’t change. Of course I have changed over the years, everyone changes, but at the time I didn’t change to fit in with anyone. What’s the point? You shouldn’t try to impress anyone, if they are your REAL friends then you won’t have to impress them and they will love you for who you are.

6. You need to take time for YOU…

I realised this last year, I was held up with revision for my exams and things that were going on with bullying. While I was revising, I was also helping out a few people who were younger than me because they were getting bullied. I wanted to make sure that what they were going through stopped and that they were okay. At the time, I was also getting bullied but I wanted to make sure everyone else was okay. In the end, I ended up stressed out to the point where all I did was care about whether everyone else was okay and my exams. But I was so stressed out, it was unbelievable. Point is, a friend saw that I was worrying too much about everything else and told me that I needed to take time for ME, to relax, to think about life. To think about if I was dealing with things in the right way. To let me know that if I told someone then a massive weight would be lifted off my shoulders. In the end, I went to go and speak to a teacher that I trusted, he helped me out, he made sure the people that were getting bullied were okay and that the problem was solved. It is important to have time to yourself, you don’t end up stressed out or ill that way.

7. You shouldn’t care about what other people think as long as you have the support from your friends you will be fine…

This is something that means a lot to me, although I have to be reminded of this regularly I still appreciate being told this. I first learnt this when I cut my hair differently and dyed it pink, I was so nervous to go to school. I was already being bullied and was worried people would say something about my hair, of course they did, and at the beginning I wanted to dye it back to brown but after being told by friends that it looked nice I decided I would keep it how it was. I often end up still asking friends if I look okay or if some sort of clothing suits me or not, thing is, I most likely love whatever it is (Hence owning it in the first place) but I still ask because I’m not 100% sure. Here’s a piece of advice if this paragraph sums you up, don’t care about what others think, if you like it then go for it. If I listened to people who mean nothing to me, in other words, bullies, then this blog wouldn’t even exist! They are most likely insecure, therefore that’s probably the reason they are horrible in the first place.

8. It will get better in the end…

This is really important to remember, even if it feels like it’s the end of the world it probably isn’t, it is important that you keep going. Things do get better, trust me I know from experience… It might not feel like it at the end of the day but the way you are feeling isn’t forever, it will only last for a short period of day. It will get better.

9. Don’t let a situation that is bothering you eat you up, talk to someone about it…

I’m rubbish at remembering this, if something is worrying me or bothering me, I will keep it on my mind for ages without talking about it until it is starting to eat me away. It is important to talk to people  about whatever it is that is bothering you, once you talk about it, it will feel like you have had a massive weight lifted off your shoulders.

10. You don’t have to do anything MASSIVE to be brave…

You don’t have to jump out a plane or do something that is incredibly cool to be brave. I got called brave by my friends for walking past a group of boys that bullied me for years, I felt brave too. I know that probably sounds stupid, but every single time I saw them I would make sure that I would walk a different way and if they were stood outside the classroom I was supposed to be in then I would walk around the building a few times until I knew they had gone, I know it sounds sad but its true. I also got called brave for standing up for what I believe in, when I was getting bullied and finally found my voice, I was able to say how I felt to them, I don’t know about you, but I class that as being brave. Believe it or not, it’s really difficult to stick up for yourself…

11. It is OKAY to stick up for yourself..!

I know this sounds stupid, of course it’s okay to stick up for yourself!! But long ago when I attempted to stick up for myself, I felt bad about it after, and I know how ridiculous that sounds but its true. I have always been told since I confessed to feeling bad about it, that it is OKAY to stick up for yourself! This is really important to remember!!!!

12. Hold your head up high, don’t let anyone bring you down…

When I got bullied, whenever I would walk past the people who used to bully me I would hold my head down and make sure not to make eye contact. I thought that if I didn’t look at them, they wouldn’t bully me, of course I was wrong. I started to take this piece of advice though. I started to hold my head up high when I walked past someone who had bullied me. It made me feel better. I started to let the horrible comments go straight over my head, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. The best thing to do was to hold my head high and not to let anyone bring me down.

13. “Things may get tough but you can’t ever give up…”

It’s important not to give up, even when things are at their toughest it is really important that you carry on being you. If you give up, how are you supposed to do the things you want to do? Keep going until you beat whatever it is that is holding you back! I believe in you…

14. “Being the bigger person is important, don’t forget it…”

This is important, the quote says it all really… Whenever someone is rude or makes a smug comment, it’s best to just ignore it, or just smile at that person because it really annoys them and they will know that it’s not affecting you.

15. “When you get pushed down be sure to get back up again…”

I got told this a while ago, I opened up to my friend about the past and how I used to get physically pushed down. He said that whenever I get pushed down physically or emotionally, it is important to get back up again! “What are you going to achieve when your on the floor? Nothing.” I took this piece of advice into consideration and started to get back up again. It defiantly works, I feel so much better for getting back up when I’m pushed down.

I just wanted to finish off this post for saying thank you to everyone that has supported me over the past few years, it means a lot and I’m really grateful for it! (You know who you are). Thank you for always being there for me when I need the support or the push to do something. I don’t know where I would be without a lot of you. I love you all so so much!

Okay, so that’s it from me this week! Thank you for all the support! It means ever so much to me! Stay positive and have hope! Much love – Alison xx

Just because you’re used to something doesn’t mean it’s okay..!

Hello to the beautiful people reading this blog, I’m back once again!

Side note – Just wanted to say a massive thank you for the support I’ve been getting recently via messages and comments, thank you so much, it means so much to me! Your all so amazing!

I thought I’d write about what I’ve been up to recently…

Recently I have been helping someone a little bit younger than me, I only met him 2 weeks ago but he started talking to me about bullying. He was getting told to shut up but I ended up telling him that he didn’t have to be quiet just because someone else thinks so. It’s a free world. I told him that I get told to shut up all the time but it’s best just to ignore it and carry on, even if you do get called annoying or whatever it is they call you, why should you shut up just because someone else doesn’t want to hear you, you have a voice for a reason. Unless of course if you are being horrible or offensive because then you probably should be quiet.

When everyone left, it was just me and him on the way home I ended up talking to him about how he shouldn’t let others control how he behaves in public, he shouldn’t have to hide who he is and what he is like in public.

I told him about how I get told to shut up all the time with trying to make jokes. I then made a joke and he made a face that everyone gives me, the one that makes me laugh.

“That wasn’t funny though…” 

“But it made you smile so it did its job.”

Thing is, I don’t make ridiculously stupid jokes to be funny, I do it because most of the time it makes people smile and chances are if you smile it makes my day.

Getting to my point…

If you want to do something then do it, just because someone tells you to shut up doesn’t mean that you should. If someone tells you to quit what you’re doing just because they don’t like it or because it takes you more than once to get it right (unless your being horrible) then don’t quit.

I’ve made the mistake before where I’ve quit something just because someone has told me to. I haven’t done things because I’ve been told that I wouldn’t be able to or because it wouldn’t look right.

I got told I shouldn’t bother riding a bike, because I’m not skinny and I would struggle. I got told I would never succeed at anything and I think I’m doing pretty good for where I am in life compared to what people said.

Just because people tell you things that sound believable (When their telling you to give up) doesn’t mean that it is true, in fact, if your feeling up to it, you should do the exact opposite and prove them wrong.

Okay, so I didn’t go anywhere near the point that I am trying to prove. Let’s try again…

The kid I was speaking to, when I told him to tell someone about it (An adult) he said that it didn’t matter because he was use to it. That sentence makes me so angry. He’s been bullied to the point where he thinks it’s okay, HOW IS THAT OKAY? What is wrong with people, why do they have to bully others. This kid I’ve been talking to isn’t even 16 and he’s being told what to do and how he should be, by people who don’t know anything about him. Just because he’s used to it doesn’t make it okay! This world annoys me…

My point is, if you are going through something and you are “used to it”, that doesn’t mean it’s okay. If you are being treated badly, talk to someone about it, just because your “used to it” doesn’t make it okay. If you are constantly being brought down but your “used to it”, that doesn’t make it okay either. Carry on doing what you’re doing, prove them wrong and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve!

Okay, so that’s it from me this week.. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now (by a while I mean a few weeks), and I’ve decided that I’m making a comeback to social media, because why should I let the bullies control what I do? I’m back! Thank you to those of you that have convinced me this is a good idea (You know who you are). I’ve had a break for 3 months and even though that isn’t a very long time I’ve decided I’m going to come back to it all. Thank you for the ongoing support, you guys are absolutely fantastic!

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading. Remember to have hope and stay positive. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Much love – Alison xx