My blog, My story.

10678655_752054611529434_7525334063914584959_nThis is my blog, so I should probably tell my story at some point…I mean everyone has a story, here’s mine Smile

They say that when you are able to tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry that you have healed. I’ve been thinking about it and as much as I love that quote it sounds so stupid. Healed from what?  I mean when you get bullied it hurts, a lot, and you have all these different thoughts and feelings so I suppose it means that you’ve healed from what you’ve been thinking and feeling. 

Bullying does stop, I know it feels like they are never going to leave you alone but it does stop in the end, they get bored and stop or they see that it doesn’t affect you anymore and move onto bully someone else, or they simply grow up and stop bullying. It has mostly stopped for me.

I was getting bullied at a young age, it started in primary school and then it got worse when I started secondary school. I thought all sorts of things, I thought I did something wrong, I wondered what was wrong with me. I thought something had to be wrong with me for people to bully me but turns out I was wrong. A number of people told me that nothing was wrong with me and that they obviously had sad enough lives to bully me. I use to get told that the only reason people bully me is because they have been bullied in the past or their insecure about something and don’t want people to see what it is, so they make someone else the centre of attention by bullying them. It turns into their own joke and they get popular from bullying people, that’s kind of sad to be honest, getting popularity out of you bullying someone else.

People would call me fat and ugly and all kinds of names, it really upset me, I got so insecure and I hated myself. I thought there was something wrong with me. I never really overcame any of the names I got called because I always believed the bullies, which is sad really. It annoys my friends with how insecure I am because I find it difficult to take complements because of the bullying. If your being bullied don’t ‘ignore them’, tell someone, you shouldn’t have to put up with bullying.

I always got told by teachers that if I ignored the bullies it would stop, I suppose it might work for some people. If you ignore them and they leave you alone, okay fair play do that then, but if that doesn’t work for you then tell someone. Ignoring the bullies didn’t work for me and every time I told someone that their words were hurting me people would say ignore it, but that doesn’t really work. It’s easier said than done. Tell someone and keep telling someone until they help do something about it.

The people that bullied me would use anything against me. It was horrible. It upset me so much. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

From year 7 to year 10 it was really bad. Every single day I would get called names, I didn’t want to go to school, I would try and look for any excuse to get a day off school but it didn’t work. I had to face up to it. I didn’t want to, the bullies made me feel useless and bad about myself.

Half way through year 8 the bullying got so bad that one of the youth workers I know suggested I went to a councillor, he noticed a change in me and we sat down and I told him about the bullying. The bullying made me ill, it made me tired and I was quiet all of the time. I thought that if I was quiet it would stop, they would forget I existed and they would stop and leave me alone but that didn’t work.

So I started going to counselling and it helped…I still go now and it still helps, a lot. Its nice to have someone listen about what’s going on. I mean I could tell my friends but I find it difficult to talk about it, it helps because she understands and she knows what to say. When I first started going I thought something had to be wrong with me, but I realised there’s nothing wrong with going to counselling, its absolutely fine to talk to someone about it. Especially when it helps a lot. It made me realise that its okay to talk about it and I’m not alone. Being bullied, it makes you think your on your own but your not, trust me, if you tell someone about it, it’ll make you feel better.

It got to the point where I got called fat that much that I didn’t want to eat anymore. I got told I should eat but I didn’t want to. I was upset most of the time. I hated school. I hated myself. I hated going to lessons because I was in fear that I would get told to sit or work with someone that was going to bully me. I wanted it to stop. Before the bullying I use to love going to school to learn, I know that sounds a bit weird but I use to love it and now I don’t because of everything that has happened.

I use to get called ugly as well, I put myself down all the time. I ended up buying make up thinking that would stop them from calling me names but it didn’t so after a while I didn’t really bother with the make up. My confidence went down a lot and even now I find it difficult to take compliments.

I got called loads of names. I still get bullied now but I’ve got myself above it and I’m able to ignore most of the comments. They still hurt, of course they do, its just believing it, I realised that I just need to make myself believe that they are lying to make themselves feel better. My friends made me realise that. My friends and family helped get me where I am today, I can deal with it now most of the time.

The end of October really made me realise that the positive things people have said to me are true. I won ‘Young Person of The Year’ at the Pride of Reading award thing they put on each year. That’s when I got a ton of support at school. The people that had bullied me in the past were supporting me, not that it matters now cause the damage is done but I had so much support and it felt nice to be told “well done” for like a month because of what I had been nominated for. I suppose without them though I wouldn’t have got the award because I wouldn’t have got the award. As people say karma is a horrible thing, when I’m doing well in life and their not that will be my karma. I’m as nice as I possibly can be so I don’t understand why some people are so horrible to me. It’s not a act, some people pretend to be nice but I don’t understand how because that’s so fake.

I use to get beat up, I got told that I deserved it, they never had a reason for it. I actually thought there was something wrong with me. That’s why I try to put a stop to bullying, when I see it happening I try my best to stop it. I wouldn’t have been able to do that a few years ago as I have confidence problems but now I can. I’m more confident with everything. I figured out that the bullies leave you alone if you bite back, if it shows that your confident there is a chance that they will leave you alone. They don’t like it when they see that the bullying doesn’t effect you as much anymore, don’t show it. Tell someone about the bullying, keep telling someone until they show an interest, I know that sounds a bit cruel but at my school when I told people they didn’t seem to care so I kept telling them until they done something about it. That’s the best way I think. 

I use to get into bike accidents and people would make fun of it, it was so horrible, I mean I was lucky, I could’ve been seriously hurt but I was lucky. I got bullied about it for months and it hurt thinking people found it funny. I even got told that people would’ve been laughing if I was seriously hurt in hospital! I mean that’s so horrible, no one should be like that, it’s bullying and it’s wrong. The people at school called it ‘banter’  but it’s really not, sometimes I think people use ‘banter’ as an excuse to bully people. “It’s only banter, it’s not bullying.” Yes it is, if it’s continuous and it hurts the person your saying it to it’s not banter, it’s bullying.

Now I’m here in 2015. I’m a lot more confident than I was and I don’t get bullied as much, the people in my year and the year below have stopped being horrible to me and I don’t have to worry about the people in the year above because they’ve all left now. I still get bullied by some people in the years below and even by people I don’t know, which is kind of sad, but I’ve got myself to ignore it as they say it to me and if it gets really bad then, yes I do tell someone so it stops.

What the bullies don’t understand is that, words do hurt and they do leave scars on people. This is why I have started this blog, I know what it’s like to be put in pain by people that know absolutely nothing about you, by people that want to be ‘popular’ and ‘funny’ because they made the ‘funniest’ joke up about someone to make you feel bad about yourself. I don’t stand for it and neither should anyone else! If you see someone getting bullied try and stop it, either go and tell someone (a teacher, a friend, a parent) or go and try and stop it. If your being bullied don’t be afraid to go and tell someone. Don’t put up with it! I put up with bullying for so long and now I regret it so much, I sometimes think that maybe if I did tell someone sooner and someone did help me I wouldn’t have such a low self-esteem and then I would be more confident with the way I am.

Shout out to the people that have bullied me! You have made me who I am, thank you so much, not for bullying me but for helping me find the real me. I now understand why bullies do what they do and it interests me, I mean not cause it’s interesting, no of course it’s not. It just makes me realise how much of a low self-esteem you have if it makes you feel good to bully people. It’s wrong and it should stop but you won’t realise that until you probably pick on the wrong person, I hope you realise that what your doing is wrong. I have a feeling you know that what your doing is wrong, you just don’t care about how your actions and words effect others. I hope you realise some day, I hope people stand up to you and make you realise.

Truth is, if we all stood up to bullying there wouldn’t be any and people wouldn’t have to worry about going to school or have to worry about what other people think. We are the future and if we don’t stop it now, when will bullying ever actually stop? It’s unfair and a horrible thing for people to go through.

So here’s my story, I hope it makes people realise that their not alone and that it does get better.

I just wanted to finish by saying thank you for all the support I’ve been getting through this blog! It means so much to me knowing that I’m helping people and making a difference, that’s all I really aspire to do in life. Thank you to the people that have helped me open up to write this, without them it probably wouldn’t be up ‘cause this is personal to me. Also thank you to the people that have helped me with bullying in the past, without all the love and support I honestly don’t know where I’d be today, so thank you!

Also, thank you to the people that have been emailing me, tweeting me and messaging me on Facebook,  with different questions and things they want me to write about. It really helps me, so thank you! I hope this encourages more people to send me questions and stories, I don’t bite honestly, all I want to do is help. 

I have decided that I will be putting a post up at least once a week if not more, so that I can hopefully help make a difference to people’s lives.

Thanks again Smile – Alison xx

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A letter to…the child who is bullying my daughter

 

{I was going through my Twitter feed and I found this, it’s on The Guardian’s website: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/10/letter-to-child-bullying-my-daughter?CMP=twt_gu  I thought I would share it because this is what happens to some people and this is how the parents probably feel. I know that this is how I felt from the daughters side, I always use to come home and be upset about it.}

 

You don’t get to see the tears that stream down my daughter’s face when she tells me that she had a horrible day at school. Today you refused to work with her on a group project, saying: “Why do we have you? We don’t like you. Why can’t someone else be in our group?”

The tears when she is the last to be chosen for a team. The tears when she is the only one not invited to a birthday party. The questions she asks me – why isn’t she as good as everyone else in the class and why is she always left out? What is wrong with her, she wants to know, that makes everyone so mean?

Maybe you just want to be like the others in your class and not stand out by accepting the child who is different to you; the child who is a bit chubby, who speaks another language, who dresses differently. Maybe your parents say things about our family. Maybe others say things that are mean and you join in with them.

But can you imagine how this little girl is feeling? She feels all alone and isolated in this world. She just wants to be friends and have fun with everyone. She hasn’t done anything mean. But she can’t understand why everyone is mean to her. Why everyone stops talking when she comes near them. Why she is never allowed to put forward her own opinion. Why others play games such as being the first to push her off the trampoline, or trip her up so she can’t walk down the corridor.

While you may feel good about yourself by making fun of others, my daughter doesn’t laugh any more. She doesn’t joke or sing or be silly. Life for her is serious and cruel. She just wants to hide away from everything and everyone.

She went from being a good student to one whose head is so full of everything she has been through during the day that she can no longer focus on her schoolwork. She is the girl who wakes during the night with splitting headaches from thinking too much about what her life has become. She has black circles under her eyes as she can’t sleep properly. Her only comfort is eating, which makes her put on weight.

It doesn’t matter how much love and support we give her, every day she must return to the part of her life which makes her so desperately unhappy. You may think that you are just having fun, but this is destroying my daughter and her family. To watch her suffer every day is devastating. When the parents of the children and the teachers say that they cannot see a problem and “they are just being children”, all I can say is that you are allowing the problem to exist.

In any other situation this would be considered abuse. Yet my daughter continues to suffer. I continue to hold her every day when she cries – it hurts so much as she can’t understand what she has done to deserve such pain.

To the children who are bullying my child: is this what you planned to do? Or did you just not think about the person who is the target of the bullying – my daughter?

-Anonymous

Worried about going back to school? Don’t be!

So I know from experience that some people get worried about going back to school with bullying happening. I know this because  I use to worry non-stop, but it’s nothing to worry about! Smile Usually after a holiday of a half term I didn’t want to go back, I use to say I was sick or didn’t feel well but my parents saw straight past me to the worry and said that it would be fine. I told my friend about the worry and she helped me out, she introduced me to some new people who were really nice to me, their my best friends now!

The point is, I was this shy girl (I still am shy) – but I was this shy girl that didn’t really speak to anyone and I found it hard to make friends, if that is like you then maybe tell someone (I know it may seem embarrassing but it’s worth it in the end), I mean everyone has at least one friend and if not then ask a teacher (I know that may sound stupid) – but the teachers that I liked (because they were just awesome teachers) were easy for me to talk to about it and they gave their advice about what I should do and who seems the nicest to start talking to. Another example of my school life is when my form tutor at the time managed to get me talking to these three girls about books (I’m a book worm, I love to read) – It was easy for me to talk about it, I found out that their really nice and now I’m friends with them. It happened because I asked my form tutor for help and she helped me to start talking to them.

Try and talk to someone new, maybe about books or music or art – Something you love and you find easy to talk about.Smile Try and make a new friend or maybe two.Smile

I’m still shy now and don’t really talk that much but I can talk to people, it’s still a bit difficult for me to make friends because of my low self esteem (because of the bullying) – But that is part of the long journey I have to make to find the real me. I hate bullying, it has managed to make me less confident about everything, I’ve got a low self esteem, I find it hard to talk to people and I get really nervous about everything because I’m scared about what people think – But I surrounded myself with positive things and people that support me and make me feel better about everything I want to try and do in life (This blog for example). Surround yourself with positive and they will help you get through it.

Going back to school is nothing to worry about, I know you may be reading this and thinking, “that’s because you got over it and people helped you”,  but trust me I’m not over it, I still worry about getting bullied and I probably always will but that’s just me because it has gone on too long and it’s not something I can’t forget about because (I know this probably sounds stupid and you probably won’t understand) – But bullying is apart of me – It has made me who I am today.Smile Just try and surround yourself with positive and happy things to try and keep yourself happy – That’s what I do now.Smile

Don’t worry about going back to school tomorrow or whenever you go back for after the winter break, the bullies don’t matter, their opinions don’t matter, your the only thing that matters so try and keep yourself happy and learn (I know you probably don’t want to) – But bullying stopped me from leaning cause I was always worrying but now I’m okaySmile. I know what they say is horrible and cruel but it’s because they have nothing better to do with their time. Surround yourself with positive people and don’t worry about what people think.

Hoped this helpedSmile – Alison

Happy New Year! :)

Happy new year to everyone reading this. This year is my year to really help, to try and put a stop to bullying. I made this blog because I want to make a difference, I want to help people, I want people to feel happy to go to school not scared or worried. I want to make a difference to people’s lives. I want to make people smile with what I write, I also want to let people know that there is someone that cares for them out there because I know that feeling when your being bullied and you don’t know if anyone cares or not so you don’t tell anyone. That’s what I felt like anyway.

I’ve made a Facebook page and a Tumblr and I will have a Twitter up and running soon. I hope this helps. 2015 is my year to help try and stop bullying Smile

P.S. The links to the different pages are on this post and they are on one of the pages called ‘Other ways to read!’ Smile -Alison