It’s almost 2020 and this year has been a mess…

Hey all, I’ve wrote this and rewrote this maybe 100 times, maybe not this post but ones similar to it. I haven’t posted since July, I’ve wanted to, I just haven’t had the words to say what I wanted to say. It’s almost the end of 2019 and although I said I defiantly wasn’t going to say “this year is going to be my year”, I secretly hoped it would be. I mean, there’s still time and I’ve accomplished some amazing things this year, even if others don’t think their that great. I think they are.

This year has truly been a mess. January was the most unmotivated month, it started off really well but then things cooled down and weren’t that great, (I ain’t going to go into it but if you know then you know). February, we lost our first family pet and my Great Gran.

I’m going to confess to something that only a few people know, I never wanted a dog, dogs scared me. I liked dogs when I was little until I stroked one that bit me, that was kind of when I got scared off by them. My brother and my dad would always stroke dogs when we were out in town or whatnot and I’d always walk far far away from them. Until my dad decided we were getting a dog, that I defiantly didn’t want (11 year old me was harsh lol). But we got her anyway, my brother named her Poppy. She was a staffy, people were scared of her but my fear of dogs started to disappear, and now when my dad or brother lean down to stroke a dog so do I. ‘Cause although I may not have wanted her, she did change my life (as cheesy as that sounds), she put muddy paw prints on my bed, chewed my socks and drove me mad, but she was the best first pet that I could ever of had.

We lost my Great Gran in the same week as we lost Poppy and although we knew she was ill and wasn’t going to get any better it still hit home. She was great, everything a gran should be❀

March was a little bit better, my amazing brother turned 18, we celebrated with expensive ice cream (There’s not a better way to celebrate it – don’t even argue with me).

April came and I was starting to get ready (properly) for exams and final essays – anyone that’s in education will already know how stressful this really is. I also started a new job in April that I enjoyed, lets be honest, working with kids who think your cool, when you most defiantly are not, is one of the best things (p.s. I already know I ain’t cool, I agree haha).

May was quite hard, I lost my Great Nan after a long and difficult fight with Dementia. We knew it was coming but that wasn’t any easier once she had passed. I was quite close to my Great Nan growing up, she’d get us in trouble playing drums on the saucepans in the kitchen, or she’d tell us really cool and interesting things about what it was like to be in the Land Army during World War 2. She was one of the nicest people I had in my life and although we knew it was going to happen eventually, that didn’t make it any easier.

To have this happen in May and then get prank calls, it didn’t make this any better – some of my friends are going to hate what I say next (I ain’t defending them, just making a point). To whoever it was that was prank calling me (and I’m 90% sure I know who you were), I know you didn’t know that this was going on in my life, not to ask for sympathy or whatever (cause I don’t want it or need it) – not that it would have made a difference, you probably still would have said those awful things. BUT it just goes to show that you shouldn’t do those shitty things, everyone is going through a silent battle that you know nothing about and although in your defence you didn’t know, that’s not the point. It’s not cool to be cruel, be kind. In a perfect world everyone would be a lot nicer to one another. Hope you think about that next time.

The rest of May and June were just hard work, I got through all the exams I had and finished those essays – I finally finished college, the stress from that was finally over (sort of, results day was looming).

July hit with some bad news, which I ain’t going to talk about, just know (although everyone already knows this), Cancer sucks.

My brother also graduated in July – which I’m super proud of, he proved everyone wrong and is doing great. Just goes to show that not everyone knows what their talking about, especially when people say “you will NEVER accomplish…”. Have a little faith.

August came and so did results day, I passed my course, better than I thought I would and accomplished something that I thought I never would. I worked so hard throughout the whole year with a lot of things that could and probably should have held me back but that was the best thing to come out of this. That I done something that I got told I would never achieve.

September hit and I turned 21, I’ve never spent a week celebrating my birthday but I can’t tell you how great that week was. I got to spend the best time with the most amazing people! I can’t thank them anymore than I already have for making it great.

October and November were spent volunteering for The Royal British Legion, where I met some of the most interesting people, it happens every year, I get to listen to more and more interesting stories by the most amazing people. Heroes is probably a better word for them.

So in July, I got a new job, working with the most amazing people. I couldn’t fault a single one of them (Not that I’d want to anyway), they are the most loveliest people, they are funny and just there, whenever I need help. We’re a real team. As I said the other day, it sets the bar high. I’ve never had it where everyone is so nice, there’s always someone but it’s not like that this time (unless their all really good actorsđŸ€Ł). At the beginning of November, we got some really bad news, and as bad as it is, their all still amazing. I actually look forward to going to work – that’s what it’s supposed to be like. Usually I’d dread going, not for the type of work but for some of the people I’d have to work with, as I said before, there’s always one… (Everyone probably knows what I’m talking about, they have probably experienced it too).

December is almost here, it’s been a pretty weird, messy year. But I’ve had some of the best people to get me through it and met some of the most incredible people that make my day everyday. (Touch wood). December is going to be a good month.

I haven’t wrote anything since July but got inspiration to finally write something so here it is. An update on life, things I’ve been keeping quiet about. But I should be back soon with a new post. I’ve got the ideas, just need to put them into words. So until then, hope everyone’s having the best time, keep smiling and be kindddd. Much love, Ally xo

Anti-Bullying Week 2017

Hi guys! So I haven’t posted in a while and I apologise for that (I’ve been asked by a few people to post something – I got asked in September but I haven’t felt like writing). Thing is, this blog is like my diary, a place to write when I’m upset or frustrated about something and over the past few months, I really haven’t felt that way.

I’ll explain. I went from somewhere where I was afraid to walk around, wouldn’t say boo to a ghost, I was scared to even go to school, let alone be who I really am. However, in September, I started college, I’m 3 months into college and I love it! I’ve made friends, something I didn’t think I would do, I haven’t had anyone say anything horrible to me, and I’m not worried about walking around. I actually like waking up early in the morning to go to college. Whereas with sixth form, I dreaded it and had to be dragged out of bed in the morning.

Being 100% honest, my dad told me to apply for college and I’m so lucky and grateful that he did because I am having a great time there and have met amazing people who I know I’m going to be friends with for a long time. I didn’t want to apply, he told me I needed to apply or give up on education as I didn’t have another choice. I was so scared, I really didn’t want to go, I didn’t even want to try it, to see what it was like.

I don’t think it’s an age thing, it’s because I genuinely am in a better environment. But I don’t think I would be who I am without the experiences I had.

At Little Heath School, I had horrible things said to me on almost a daily basis, I was pushed around and terrified to walk down the alley to go to school and go home. I was terrified to sit on my own during free periods, terrified to even go and get my lunch on my own. I was in a really bad place, I didn’t want to go to the sixth form anymore but had to – just to get the grades that I needed to get into college.

I’m now in a place where they have a zero tolerance of any kind of bullying, where if anyone bullies someone they get kicked out, they actually care about students wellbeing and what they think about themselves. I know this is true and not something that they say to keep people happy as I’ve witnessed it where someone has been told off and sent to an office where they got told they were getting kicked out if they carried on.

Too right as well, no one deserves to get bullied. I wouldn’t wish some of the stuff that has happened to me, on anyone, no one deserves it, I know what it did to me and so I wouldn’t want that to happen to anyone else.

On my first day at college, I was nervous as heck, I didn’t think I would make any friends. I knew people there already but they are doing a different course to me and so I knew I wouldn’t see them as much as I would want to in college. On the first day, I was put with two people who helped me develop my confidence (to walk into the lunch hall) (to spend free periods by myself), it sounds stupid but after Little Heath, I really was THAT scared.

I then ended up making friends with this lovely group of girls and I don’t really know how it happened, we’re on the same course but I don’t know how I went from being really shy and not talking to anyone (I tried but it was difficult), to being able to have friendly banter, sing along on coaches (even if it is to High School Musical) and be genuinely comfortable around them. It’s odd but it happened and I’m honestly really happy.

I’m not saying I didn’t have this at Little Heath, I did, but only with a few people and I was terrified to walk around. Whereas now, I’m not, we spend our lunches singing or messing about. I can walk into the lunch hall without worrying about what people say, and I’m genuinely happy to be there.

To my actual point of this post…

This week is Anti-Bullying Week and I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, so here I am, having my voice heard, sat here writing this post.

If you are being bullied or know someone who is, speak out, tell someone, or if you know someone who is being bullied try to support them as much as you can.

I know that if it weren’t for three of the teachers, support from some of my friends and the support from my dad, that I wouldn’t have made it out of Little Heath, I would have given up and left. So in a way, I would have made it out of Little Heath but it would have been pointless, the last 7 years of me struggling and putting in effort to pass would have been for nothing – but I did it, I pulled through and managed to finish, no matter how difficult things got towards the end.

So please, for your own sake, tell someone, a parent, a friend, a sibling, even your favourite teacher – someone is bound to help you and hopefully, it will get sorted.

Bullying in schools needs to be taken more seriously, I was told so many times, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you”, the thing is they do hurt, and yes some people can ignore it but I am one of those that can’t. However, now I’m sort of in a place where I don’t care, mainly because I’m not worried about seeing them daily, or being physically hurt. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, I can have a good old rant to my best mate over text about how I hate bullies and it’s all better, I feel so much better after.

So this year, I’m saying enough is enough, I will no longer let myself care about what you say because although it is tough sometimes, the bullies are not worth it.

So whether it’s bullying that’s happening face to face or bullying that’s happening online, tell someone, it won’t make the situation worse.

Speak out, support others and do something about it. Don’t let people stand alone, don’t let the bullies win.

I’m really lucky, I have a really good support system, I have my dad, my brother and some of my family. My friends that I have known for the longest time (you know who you are), the guys and girls from Young Carers, and the new people who I have met at college.

If you lot see this, thank you, you all mean so much to me. I miss a lot of you (Those that I haven’t seen in a while) and I always end up taking a leaf out of your books, I walk around with my head held high and I focus on my good days, not my bad days. I do realise that things do get better and although I didn’t believe it, to begin with, deep down I believe its true – even on the days that are really bad.

A big thank you to two of the greatest people I have ever met for helping me get around the college and help me out with where I was going, introducing me to people, etc. It is greatly appreciated. Also a big thank you to those that text me day in, day out when I was alone to make sure I was okay.

Last one – Another big thank you to the girls at college (whether you see this or not, I mean every word, as cheesy as it is), thank you for accepting me, understanding me and allowing me to be who I really am, I don’t have to pretend or tone it done and that is great! You allow me to be the crazy me, I have always been. Purely because you lot are just as crazy as me (I’m not saying High School Musical is a bad choice of songs but this sentence kind of sums it up).

Okay so that’s it, I will try to post more. I have some things in my drafts that need posting, it’s just having the time to do it, but I shall try. This was my space to rant and write and express myself when I couldn’t elsewhere, and now that I can be who I truly am without any grief, I don’t really have to write anymore. I’m not saying I don’t love writing, I just have less reason to. So I’m going to turn this space into somewhere, where people can read and get help with whatever they may be going through – that’s the goal anyway. Have a good week, keep smiling and stay strong. Leave a comment and I’ll get back to you as soon as I see it (as always). Much love, Ally xx

GRADES SHOULD NOT MATTER.

Hey, guys! So two weeks ago I collected my A Level results and a lot of people collected their AS Level results. A week ago, it was GCSE results day and a lot of people went to go collect their results.

I know I haven’t posted in a while – I’ve been busy (I know, shocker). But I thought I’d post a short blog post as last week someone gave me the inspiration to write this but I didn’t really get around to it. So since I have found the time to write I thought I would share my thoughts on the grading system and all sorts of other things related to grades, results day, schools, sixth forms, colleges, universities and jobs!

So when you want to get into sixth form, college, university or even get a job, a majority of the time you need good grades to show for it so that you get accepted. I know everyone already knows this but I think it should be done differently. I know some might disagree with me but then again it’s just my opinion. If you’re going to be rude in the comments just click off the tab now, I don’t mind other people’s opinions – in fact, it’s great, it starts a conversation, but don’t send hate. It’s easy not to do 🙂

– Going off course of what I’m talking about but it all links –

I don’t know about you but when I look at someone it’s more about what kind of person they are rather than looks. I know for a majority of people it’s the same. Well, I think it should be the same when sixth forms, colleges, universities or jobs pick you to study there / do the job.

– Wait –

I think that a majority of the time it probably should be about what kind of grades the person has got but sometimes it shouldn’t be. For example, I suck at exams, no matter how hard I try or how much I revise, I really struggle with exams, it’s already public knowledge that I do as most of the time I had to ask friends for help when it came to exam content.

I’m good at coursework, I work hard on it, and if someone were to look at what I do outside of school and the type of person I am then they would see that I do a lot of voluntary work and all I can to help others (If I can help someone then I will).

My point is, I think getting onto a course or getting a job should be like looking for someone to date, instead of looking at their looks (the grades), they should look and see what the person is really like (how hard they work, their extra curricular activities).

At the end of the day, a lot of people get let down by how exams went (not because of how hard they worked but because of their exams – everyone stresses with exams and sometimes the stress causes more problems for some than others).

My point – It shouldn’t matter about grades, it should matter how motivated someone is and how badly they want something – whether they are going to work hard for it or not.

Fair do’s for those that can do exams and get good grades – well done! It’s just that some may not be able to and so it shouldn’t always be looks over what they’re really like. I know a lot of people work really hard for exams and pass – I’m not saying I don’t. It’s just my opinion.

Okay, so that’s it for the mean while. Until next time, have a good week, keep smiling, and think about things before you say them – if it’s not helpful or kind then is there really any point in you saying it? If it doesn’t benefit others what’s the point of saying it? Hope you enjoyed reading, share this post if you agree (maybe, up to you :)). – Stay strong and stay positive. Much love – Ally xx

Christmas Tag 2016

Hey guys! So as it is the 1st December, I thought I’d do a Christmas tag! It sounds exciting,tumblr_nfx1rgkimr1sfku6po1_500 enjoy!

  1. What is your favourite Christmas Movie/s?
    Oh, there are so many! Elf, The Polar Express, Jingle all the way, The Holiday, Love Actually, I could go on forever. There are so many brilliant ones!
  2. Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
    Christmas morning, I don’t really understand this whole thing about opening them on Christmas Eve.
  3. Do you have a favourite Christmas memory?
    Every Christmas is my favourite memory, I love watching my brothers face as he unwraps his presents.
  4. Favourite festive food?
    It’s got to be the roast potato’s!
  5. Favourite Christmas gift?
    Every book I have ever been brought for Christmas, haha
  6. Favourite Christmas scent?
    You know when your sat around the dining table and all the food is in front of you and there are like a mix of smells..? That scent.
  7. Do you have any Christmas Eve traditions?
    Seeing how many Christmas films we can watch in the space of 24 hours seems to be a big tradition in our house, is that even a tradition or just something that most people do?
  8. What tops your tree?
    A star, it’s always so pretty!
  9. As a kid what was the one (crazy, wild, extravagant) gift you asked for but never received?
    Not that I’m ungrateful or anything, not at all, but when I was about 8 I wanted a unicorn. Not a toy one, a real one. As Toys-R-Us didn’t seem to sell those, my dad brought me a toy unicorn… The next best thing!
  10. What’s the best part about Christmas for you?
    Being together with family, it’s the best part about it no matter what. Getting to spend hours on end with people who I don’t often see is great!
  11. What is your favourite Christmas song?
    Seems a bit clichĂ© but “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” I mean who doesn’t like that song? It gets really annoying by the end of December but after 12 months of not hearing it, its great again!
  12. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
    Rudolph, Prancer, Dancer… Nope… I used to be able to, it was like a competition to see who could remember all of them, ha! Oh, how times have changed.
  13. Be honest: do you like giving gifts or receiving gifts better?
    100% honesty, I love giving gifts. If I have put a lot of effort into thinking what I’m getting someone and then finally get it for them, I get really excited. I love seeing their face as they unwrap the present, it makes me so happy!
  14. Are you a pro-present wrapper, or do you fail miserably?
    I fail miserably, if you have ever got a present from me, you will know just how bad my wrapping is. I use so much sellotape, although most of the time it’s so I can have a bit of a giggle with the person trying to open it.
  15. Do you make New Years resolutions? Do you stick to them?
    I always end up making New Years resolutions, I stick to some of them but not all. They seem impossible to keep up.
  16. If you could only buy one person a present this year, who would it be?
    My brother (Sorry, not really that sorry to be honest).
  17. Have you ever built a Gingerbread house?
    Yes! We made so much mess it was unreal, but it was so fun to do! If you’ve never made one I would really recommend it, it doesn’t matter how old you are, they are so fun!
  18. Candy Canes or Gingerbread Men?
    Gingerbread Men all the way! Candy Canes are okay, they look pretty but that’s about it.
  19. What’s your Favourite Christmas Color?bqjnekyexot4brdrsc9fksjtyi8
    Red.
  20. Have you ever built a snowman?
    Yes, it was so much fun! We always try to build one whenever it snows, they are so funny to build.

Okay, so here it is, my Christmas Tag! Hope you enjoyed and maybe even got to know a little more about me! If you like you could give your answers to some of the questions below? It would be interesting to know more about you guys. I know it’s not really what I usually post but I thought I’d do something new! New blog post next Thursday! Have a lovely week and keep smiling! The Christmas holidays will be here before you know it! Much love – Alison xx

“Bullying is just a part of growing up”

Hey guys! So I guess today I am going to be writing about the quote that I have put as the title. I got this said to me a few years ago, I got it said to me a few months ago, and then someone also said it to me again last week. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear this, each time it just makes me so angry.

Before I start writing about this, I just want to say thank you, thank you for the messages and the support, because although I did get asked who “Kelly” was, by quite a few people last week, the support meant more to me than the grief I got for not telling people who it was. I just shook it off, the support means ever so much, probably more to me than anyone will ever realise.

Okay, so as I have already said. In Year 7, when the bullying started to get worse I got told that “bullying is just a part of growing up“, for some reason I started to believe it, but then wondered why not as many people were getting bullied / getting bullied as bad as I was. Then a few months ago, I got told the same thing… I also got told this same thing again last week… I’m not going to lie, it annoyed me so much!

“Bullying is just a part of growing up.”

Imagine having this said to you while you’re sat in an office in tears. It was horrible! The first time it got said to me I didn’t really understand. Why me? I knew quite a few people got bullied but not everyone did, so if it was just a part of growing up, why wasn’t everyone else going through the same thing.

It just really annoyed me. Learning how to ride a bike, watching reruns of Scooby Doo, going to school, and then eventually getting on with your life (a job, university or college), is just part of growing up! Bullying is not!

I don’t really understand how anyone can think that it’s just a part of growing up…

Imagine, being bullied because you got into an accident (I know, stupid right?), and being told that the bullying is just a part of growing up. HOW?!

I don’t think I’m ever going to understand how anyone could possibly think this. It shouldn’t be a part of growing up, no one should have to go through it.

I’ve done a bit of research and some have said that it’s only done to help you toughen up for adult life. However, I don’t really understand how that works because in some cases where the bullying is so serve, some people don’t make it to adulthood, or they then have trouble in life because they don’t know how to speak to people, afraid of being bullied.

“In previous generations, people perceived bullying to be a normal part of growing up. It was seen as a rite of passage that kids needed to help them toughen up so that they could face the world. We now know that this isn’t true.

Bullies attack others because they enjoy attacking others. Bullying causes psychological and sometimes physical damage. It is the repeated use of superior power intended to harm another person through physical threat, humiliation, or isolation. Bullying is not a normal aspect of human interaction — it is an abuse of it.

Bullying doesn’t ‘toughen up’ a victim. It weakens them. Seven out of 10 targets of bullying have difficulty forming lasting relationships as adults. They struggle with anger management, resentment, and trusting others. They are more likely to deal with depression, get lower grades, and have anxiety.”https://www.justsayyes.org/bullying/is-bullying-normal-behavior/

“As far as children go more than half (55%) of children in Europe who have been bullied said they became depressed as a result, according to a BeatBullying report. Over a third saying they harmed themselves (35%) or thought about suicide (38%).”http://www.itv.com/goodmorningbritain/news/is-bullying-just-a-part-of-growing-up

I didn’t want to add a ton of sources that proved my point because that’s probably boring, but I found quite a lot. I found some that said it was just a part of growing up but I don’t see how.

Bullying never helped me, in any way whatsoever, so I don’t know how it can help anyone else. I might just be seen as biased…

I wanted to make sure that I wrote about this, people just need to be a little more careful about what they say because if I hadn’t of had it said to me before, it may have upset me a little. It upset me the first time, it just annoyed me the other times that it has been said to me.

I don’t really know how to end this blog post today, I know it’s not like the usual thing I write about but this annoyed me enough to make me write about it. So here it is… That’s it from me this week. Hope you enjoyed!

If you have an opinion on this, then let me know in the comments or just message me… Let’s get a conversation started on this topic! Why not! I’m excited to see what you think!

Facebook page: http://facebook.com/myinsanewxnderland

Twitter: https://twitter.com/pink_duck1

There will be a new blog post up next Thursday as usual! Have hope, stay strong, keep smiling and have a great week! Remember not to settle for any less than you deserve! Much love – Alison xx

Counselling…

Hey guys! Before I start I just want to say a massive thank you for the messages and comments that I got from last week’s blog post. It means a lot! Fingers crossed I have helped at least someone with it, even if its not about their glasses, maybe it’s about something else, I don’t know, but hopefully I’ve helped someone. That’s the goal. It kind of means a lot, I got quite a few messages about the picture I posted, you guys are the best!!

Okay, so this week I did the same again where I got someone to pick a number without knowing any of the ideas and here’s what they picked. Well, they didn’t pick this idea, but you probably get what I mean.

So throughout this blog post I have changed the name of the person involved. I’m going to name this person Kelly (for anyone that may get confused, mainly just for me). I’ve changed the name because I want to keep it confidential.

About 2 years ago, (that’s about 2 years into going to counselling), I was sat in the waiting room, waiting to go into the little room to see my counsellor. It was all fine, same old same old. Until someone walked in that I didn’t want to. I was kind of shocked but kind of nervous because at the time only 5 of my closest friends knew that I went to counselling. In walks Kelly… She started staring at me and sat next to me…

Here’s why it was a big deal. She had been bullying me with her friends for years, and at that point I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I didn’t want to be sat next to her. She smiled at me and started to make conversation…

Kelly: “Why are you here? I didn’t know you went to counselling.”

Me: “Cause of bullying. No one really knows to be honest.”

Kelly: “Who bullies you?”

Me: “Quite a few people…”

Kelly: “Oh, I never knew.”

I didn’t want to say, “YOU”, it wasn’t just her but I didn’t want any trouble. I just wanted that to be the end of it and to be left alone. I never asked her why she was there, obviously she was there for counselling but I didn’t ask why, I didn’t want to know, it’s private. I never saw her there again after that, I didn’t know why, but then again it didn’t really bother me.

It made me think though, either she didn’t know that what she was doing was bullying or she just really didn’t know that I got bullied… I don’t know… But after that, every time her friends said something to me, she would tell them to shut up. It meant a lot and I really appreciated it.

I guess my point is that some may not know what they are really doing until their eyes are opened. Of course that doesn’t mean that it’s okay, no way is it okay, but maybe, just maybe they don’t know their doing it. About 10% of the time, I have noticed that someone won’t mean what they’ve just said; it’s either that or their just really good at lying… I don’t know… I’m always surprised when people say they didn’t realise it was bullying, I just don’t understand how they don’t realise..?

Recently, I bumped into Kelly again; she said hi to me and started a conversation. That’s what sparked the inspiration for this blog post…

Okay… This is kind of a short blog post this week. I wanted to write about this but didn’t really know how to write it so my friend helped me with choosing a fake name. I know this doesn’t really have a point to it, I just wanted to write about it.

Before I finish this week’s post, I just wanted to give a shout out to the wonderful person that told me that Tuesday was a year ago since I created my Facebook page for my blog. Which you can check out here: http://facebook.com/myinsanewxnderland if anyone is interested. It would mean a lot. I get quite a few messages on there; they really do brighten my day so thank you so much! It’s the small things in life…

That’s it from me this week. Hope you enjoyed reading this! There will be a new blog post up next Thursday as usual! Have hope, stay strong, keep smiling and have a great week! Remember not to settle for any less than you deserve! Much love – Alison xx

Four Eyed Freak!!!

Hey guys, so this weeks blog post has been picked for me. I wrote a list of things I could write about and numbered them. I then got a friend to pick a number without knowing what it was and here we are… This weeks blog post is kind of like a diary entry (I suppose?). I’m going to be visiting the past once again. Enjoy!

I’m going to be writing about the grief that I got for wearing glasses. Why did I get it? I don’t know to be honest. There just glasses, a lot of people wear them.

I reckon it was because it’s just another thing that someone can bully me about. Why stick with the names that you already call me when you could upset me even more! What a fantastic idea! Of course, now I’m over it, and no one takes the mickey out of my glasses anymore.

I got glasses in around Year 5, no one really wore them back then, but then I had to start wearing them. I got called a four eyed freak. I had a pair of purple circular glasses at the time. I think there were only three kids with glasses in the year at the time, not 100% sure, can’t really remember. But it was a new thing, not many people had them.

They were taken off me quite regularly. People would put them on and mimic my voice while saying cruel things. They would take them and run away so I wouldn’t get them back for ages. As a 9 / 10-year-old, of course this really upset me. It would hurt any kid. Let’s be honest, unless you are just one of those kids that don’t care (Lucky you! No sarcasm intended), I kind of wish I was like that. It would have been a lot easier. Secretly though, I have realised that everyone cares, it’s just whether they show it or not that counts. I on the other hand couldn’t hide it. It’s either that or people just don’t care!

There was a group of people who would run up to me, call me a four eyed freak and then run away again, it made me feel different to everyone else. I didn’t know why they were doing it or what I had done, it’s just something that they did. It made me feel really different to everyone else and thinking about it now, kind of makes me feel quite sad, I don’t understand why they did that and I suppose I never will. I do know that it made me feel horrible though.

There was this one guy that loved to break my glasses. The first time my glasses fell off, he stepped on them and they broke. At first I just thought it was an accident, after all, no one knew they were going to fall off. So my dad got them repaired and that was the end of it.

But then again, it wasn’t the end of it at all. After the standing on my glasses incident, he took them off me and bent them in half, thinking it was hilarious. This really upset me because I knew that my dad just went to get them repaired.

There were a few more incidents where he took my glasses from me and stood on them again and pulled the arms off them. He also cracked the lenses quite a lot. So as you can probably tell, I didn’t really like wearing glasses at this point. They always got broken and the excuse was, “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t know they would break.” It really upset me.

“Why did you let him have your glasses in the first place?” I didn’t. The first time was an accident, or that’s what I believe anyway. The other times I was cleaning them and he snatched them out of my hands, or he would just take them off me when I was looking at him.

I didn’t really understand how this was funny… But for some reason it was funny to him. My dad went up to school after a few times of it happening and spoke to the head teacher about it. After about a year of it going on, it kind of stopped. The breaking of my glasses stopped but the name calling didn’t. Each time they found a different way to upset me.

This went on until the start of secondary school. In secondary school, the name calling related to me wearing glasses, ended by the start of Year 9. However, they then found other ways to upset me.

 

Near the end of 2014, I got told I no longer had to wear glasses. I was so relieved! I was so happy about it! It was a big deal for me because I knew that I wouldn’t have the possibility of being called a four eyed freak anymore!ribbet-collagev

I enjoyed not wearing glasses so much!

However, a few weeks ago I got told I had to start wearing glasses again. It didn’t bother me whatsoever, because I kind of like wearing glasses and I knew that a lot of people had matured so there would be no more name calling. So far I’m right, and honestly I don’t think its going to happen anytime soon. Even if it does, I’m really not that bothered, there glasses. Get over it. A load of people wear glasses! Did you know that 6 out of 10 people in the world wear glasses or contact lenses? That’s so many people!

If you see someone being teased about something that they have to wear (Glasses, braces, etc.), please, please, please, just stop it. You could really make a difference. I know that sounds a bit stupid but its true, you could help someone with their confidence, now wouldn’t that be great!

***UPDATE***

*So after showing a few close friends the picture that I have put in this blog post, a few of them laughed. A few of them questioned me and asked if I really wanted to put the picture from 2009 up. My answer is yes, I’m not bothered about what anyone says or thinks, it’s a very old picture and I’ve changed. I’m not bothered. Why should the possibility of getting grief stop me from posting what I want on my blog. Saying this though, quite a few of my friends said to go for it. It’s already on the internet anyway, most people have seen it, and if I’m not bothered, what is the real issue? Just thought I’d leave a little update at the bottom of this post. Although if I do get any hate I will be naming and shaming, there’s no need for the hate or bullying, there’s already enough negativity in this world!*

Okay, so that’s it from me this week. Another blog post where I have opened up a bit more. I didn’t tell a lot of people about this, only about 5 of my friends know that this happened to me. It’s not really something that I talk about because it doesn’t bother me anymore. But here we go. Hope you enjoyed reading this! There will be a new blog post up next Thursday as usual! Have hope, stay strong, keep smiling and have a great week! Remember not to settle for any less than you deserve! Much love – Alison xx

The Myths of Counselling VS The Truth…

Hey guys, so this week I am going to be writing about the myths and truths of counselling. But before I do, I just want to say a massive thank you for all the support that I got from last weeks blog post. I got so many messages and comments saying how proud people were of me and it made me so happy. Being told that I am brave for getting on the horse in the first place, and then being told that I am brave for even trying to conquer my fear, let alone succeed at doing it. Even after all that, I got told that I deserved all the kind words that I got. Honestly, all the support that I got made my week. You will never truly know how much the support means to me, just know that it means a lot and I will be forever grateful.

If you didn’t read last weeks blog post, be free to check it out here and let me know what you think in the comments of that post.

This weeks post is probably going to be me opening up to the internet again. But oh well! I have written about going to counselling before, so if you want to check out my post about that, that would be cool too. Here goes…

I know that quite a few people feel differently about counselling. I certainly know that I felt different when I got told that it would be good if I went to counselling. “It’ll be good for you.” “It’ll help you.”

In 2012, I was involved with a lot of different volunteering groups, in fact, I still am. But I used to go to a certain one straight after school, but because one day I turned up an hour late and I was upset. I was spoken to by someone who I trusted, he spoke to my dad aswell. He said that maybe I would benefit if I went to counselling. The reason I was late and was upset was because of bullying (I will probably write about this more in a different post soon but I wont go into too much detail now).

The definition of counselling… “The provision of professional assistance and guidance in resolving personal or psychological problems.”

“Counselling.” – That was kind of a scary word. Well it was for me, a 13-year-old girl. I didn’t want to go. I read about it in books, watched TV shows and films with this sort of thing in it. It was a typical girl gets bullied ends up going to counselling scenario. “Typical”, it’s a funny word that, the thing that I had read about and watched was turning into a reality.

I didn’t want to go, I had this idea in my head that people only go to counselling if there is something wrong with them, which isn’t the case, at all! My dad said that I had to try it, that I would have to go for a month and if I didn’t like it then it could stop. 4 years on and I’m still in counselling. Not because there is anything wrong with me but because the lady that I go to helps me out and gives me advice with bullying. When I first started going I was nervous and didn’t really want to be there. 2 years into counselling I found it difficult going, I didn’t mind but I found it difficult to talk about what was going on in my life (bullying). My thoughts now, 4 years later, I love to go to counselling, it’s the one day a week when I can talk as much as I want and get everything off my chest. It has defiantly helped a lot.

Okay, so there is a little bit of information about what I thought about counselling then and now. Now for the real reason I’m writing this post.

The Myths of Counselling VS The Truth…

I spent a few hours last week searching for a few myths from the internet about counselling, knowing me, this is probably the kind of thing I was thinking before I even went to counselling. Here we go…

“Only mad people need counselling.” – If you are reading this and you go to counselling, please don’t take it the wrong way. (1) It’s not always true and (2) it’s a myth that I found on the internet. I’m not going to lie when I got told that I would be going to counselling I thought that there was something wrong with me. Of course, I was wrong, counselling services are put in place to support someone.

The good old question of “how can a stranger help?” – Going to counselling means that you can vent your problems to someone, when I go to counselling it really helps because I can talk for an hour about everything and the weight that I am carrying on my shoulders is then lifted. The counsellor can give you advice and support with whatever it is that you may be going through and therefore they can help get you through a rough patch.

“Counsellors just sit there and say nothing.” – This isn’t true, I thought it would be but it’s not. At first they ask you to vent your problems, so I suppose at the beginning they just sit there but they are listening and then after they can give you the support and advice that you need.

“Counselling takes forever!” – This isn’t true either, it takes as long as you need it to be. The service helps support you and will give you advice. So I guess when you’re ready, you will know you’re ready and maybe it will be the end of counselling. The service is there for you as long as you need it to be.

“Everyone will know you’re seeing a counsellor.” – I thought this at the beginning too, but it’s not true. Unless you tell people, I didn’t at first, I told absolutely no one, apart from my best friend but over the years I have become more open about going to counselling. I opened up about it on my blog once before. But my point is, that going to counselling is 100% confidential and so no one will know unless you tell them.

“Counselling will change who you are as a person.” – I don’t think this is true. People change all the time. With the support that I have been given from friends, family and my counsellor I have become a stronger and more confident person. But I don’t believe it changes you. I don’t know, this one is complicated I suppose. Leave your opinion on this one in the comments below. I would really love to hear what you think.

I found a lot of myths on the internet about counselling but only decided to write about a few of them. With myths like that on the internet, how is someone supposed to think that going to counselling is a good thing.

I just wanted to say if you are reading this and you go to counselling or you have been told that it probably is best if you start going to counselling, its nothing to worry about. It just means that you are strong, you’re strong for going and getting the advice. I was against going to counselling, I didn’t want to share my problems with a stranger, problems that shouldn’t have happened in the first place, I didn’t want to sit in a room and talk about everything. But counselling has defiantly helped me, it has gave me the support I needed and it has gave me a confidence boost. If you have been told that maybe you should go to counselling, I recommend it, it has helped me so much and it makes you realise how much better things do get eventually.

Okay, so that’s it from me. I’ve posted on a Monday instead of a Thursday because I’m posting another blog post on Saturday that means a lot to me (Hint, hint, birthday post, hint.) 2 blog posts in one week, whoop-whoop! Anyways before I go I just wanted to say that you are stronger than you think! Accepting help from people makes you a strong and brave human being. Right that’s it… Stay strong, have hope and don’t settle for any less than you deserve! Next post on Saturday! Much love – Alison xx

I Conquered My Fear of Horses!

Hey guys, so this week I am going to be writing about something that I am very proud of. Before I start typing, I just want to wish everyone good luck with collecting their GCSE results, or if you have already collected them then I hope you got what you wanted, if you didn’t, there is no need to worry. It’s just a piece of paper, the grades that you get don’t define who you are, it’s not the end of the world!

Last week I became very proud of myself, I managed to achieve something that I have been trying to do for years! Over the past few years I have been trying to get over my fear of horses, I have been spending every other summer on courses that my dad has supported me to go on, to help get over the fear.

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This was taken a few months ago. This horse is called CJ, he was one of my favourites.

However, over the past 7 months I have been seeing horses a lot more. I got put on a course, its called stable life, it was so much fun and I met so many new people. I don’t quite know how to explain what the course is, I went on it not knowing what to expect, my dad said it would be good for me. It turned out he was right. I was nervous the first time, I got picked up from school and was introduced to loads of new people.

This is quite a big deal for me, and I can’t believe that I achieved what I did. As most of my friends know, I am terrified of horses…

Oh, I mean, I WAS terrified of horses!

So what? Last week, I achieved something incredible! So many people doubted me about it, I even doubted myself, I never thought I would get over my fear but I did…

Here goes… I’m going to explain… (Keep in mind I wrote most of this blog post 20 minutes after getting off a horse!)

So, for years, I have had this fear of horses, I don’t really know why, all I remember was that the fear comes from when I was younger (It wasn’t anything to drastic but it was enough to scare me for years!). I mean, if you think about it, horses are quite scary, their MAHOOOOSSSIIIIVVVEEEE and you never really know what their going to do.

Over the past few months I have been getting to know a group of horses along with a new set of people. If you know me well, you know that I’m no good with meeting new people but after a few weeks it became normal and we all started to support each other. We have been meeting the horses once a week and learning how to look after them, we also learnt the basics in health and safety involving the horses.

After a while we started to create different obstacle courses that we had to lead the horses round, I’m not going to lie, at first it was really difficult but after a while it was fun to do. The tactics that some of us used were really funny too! It got us to work as a team and support each other, honestly it was so much fun!

I suppose it was kind of like horse therapy, it got us closer as a team and more confident with the horses. It wasn’t just me, a lot of the people in the group had never been on a horse before, let alone carry out the activities that we did, they were also nervous. At the time we didn’t know we were going to end up riding a horse, I didn’t even know what was going to happen week after week.

In the last half term before the summer holidays, we carried out a workshop to youngeryou people. We had been preparing for this for weeks on end. If you know me well, you know that I struggle to talk in front of groups of people, especially new people – Its terrifying! So there we were, in our group, explaining our activity to a group of children. I think everyone in the group knew how nervous I was, I know it was only a group of children but I have trouble talking to any group of people..! But it ended up going well, the rest of the group helped me out and made me feel a lot more confident than I was feeling.

Our activity ran smoothly, there were a few bumps along the way but nothing major and after a while I really enjoyed it! It was so much fun once we all found our confidence! It really was a great day – minus the rain!

After half term, we carried on meeting up with the horses and doing more activities with them. I honestly have enjoyed working with a lovely group of people and getting to know them all! I felt on top of the world, in a short space of time I was able to become more confident with horses and I’m literally so proud of myself.

Then came our last week together… We discussed what we wanted to do as our treat for taking part in the workshop. We all got told that we would be able to ride a horse, everyone in that room a minute later knew I was terrified! Then that was it for a couple of weeks…

Days before knowing that I was going to get on a horse I was terrified. I text my best friend hoping for reassurance.

Then on the 16th August, we all met up again. I was so nervous! I knew that I had to do this, I had to get on a horse, it would be my one and only chance. I would most likely never get this opportunity again, plus I wanted to prove the people wrong that said I would never get over my fear. There was no two ways about it, I was SO SCARED!

The night before, I got sent this quote by a friend and it kind of made me think that even though I’m terrified, if I do this, I wont regret it, I will be okay.

“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Unknown

We got to the stables and I was literally shaking, I didn’t want to think about it but its kind of difficult when you’re at a stables. Time moved on and it was time to get on a horse. We all got “Suited and booted” and found out which horse we were going to have. This was kind of important to me… Not because I know anything about horses but because it would make me feel better if the horse looked friendly. (Most horses look friendly but you probably get what I mean).

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Keep in mind that this was my first time on a horse so I look terrified!

I went to go and meet my horse. He was so pretty! The girl who was by the horse was so lovely and friendly too, so that defiantly helped! But the horse was called OmbrĂ©, he was beautiful, he had light brown fur and a white mane and tail. The girl who was going to be leading me round said that the horse reminded her of Barbie, and it’s true, he did!

I was second to last getting on my horse. We had to step onto this massive step where we then had to climb onto the horse. I think that and actually being on the horse was the bit I was most scared of. I guess, if something is new to you then it is terrifying either way. I managed to get on the horse second time round, it was so high! I guess people could see that I was as scared as I felt because I kept getting told to breathe.

I guess my problem is, that when I’m scared about something I forget to breathe, the most basic life skill and I forget to do it unless I’m reminded, whoops!

The girl who was going to be leading the horse around walked me into the arena. It was terrifying not being able to control the walking, I’m so used to being on a bike or walking that it was so scary! It felt different, really odd.

She started to walk me around the arena while everyone else was being led round to kindAli2 of get used to it. I thought I was going to fall forwards and come off, or fall off sideways or just fall off altogether. But as my friend kept reminding me the night before, I am okay, I will be okay. I was just hoping that I would keep it together.

I had to keep being reminded to breathe, it was so scary!

We got led around the arena in different ways, it was actually quite fun, once I got it in my head that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We carried on going around the arena going from different check points to others. It got to a point where we were asked to hold the lead and as much as I would have wanted to, my hands were firmly on the saddle and the lead, holding on for dear life! It wasn’t that the horse was even going that fast, it was that I was scared!

Ali3In the end I didn’t manage to just hold onto the lead, I ended up holding onto the saddle all the way round, for the entire hour! Just managing to get onto the horse was a big step for me so even though I didn’t hold the lead or lead the horse round, I am still incredibly proud of myself.

The girl who was leading me round made it a lot easier, we were having a good old chit-chat while going around the arena. She even experienced me having a bit of a panic and managed to calm me down, so although my best friend wasn’t there with me, I still did okay, and having the support from the team that has been helping me over the past few months, defiantly helped!

There were times when I wanted the horse to stop and I wanted to get off but I stayed on because I know I wouldn’t get back on if I got off. I didn’t want the fear to take over, so I stayed on and made myself proud.

The hour soon ended, it didn’t feel like an hour at all. I learnt how to get off the horse.Ali4 Turns out that people who ride horses all the time make it look really easy and it’s actually quite difficult to do. I couldn’t figure it out at first, even with the help. Although, I eventually got off the horse. I nearly dropped to the floor but got held up and managed to hold myself up. It was a quick drop. It wasn’t like anything I expected. I don’t really know what I expected but it wasn’t that.

I got asked if I wanted a hug but really I just felt light-headed, I needed to have a drink of water and sit down. My legs kind of ached. I took off the body vest and undone the helmet and went to go and get a cup of water with someone who has been supporting me since I can remember. I finally got the water and sat down… I DONE IT!!!

I was shaking still, I couldn’t believe that I had done it, I suppose I was still nervous. I sat down staring at the cup of water, I just didn’t believe that I managed it. I got told by a few people who have been supporting me while on this course, that I did good and I should be proud of myself, I defiantly am!

I guess I was just amazed! I was in shock. The first thing I did, while waiting for everyone else in my group to come and sit down, was text my best friend and my dad to say that I did it. That I actually rode a horse. I’m still amazed, it was an incredible experience, one which I can say that I have enjoyed and will never forget.

IMG_2272After getting off the horses, we all noticed that we were covered in fur but all talked about what we just experienced, it was amazing! I was still shaking but I was so happy!

We made our way to the next part of our treat, we ate at Pizza HutIMG_2273 and went to go and watch the BFG. I can honestly say that it was one of the best days I have ever had! I’m not likely to forget about it anytime soon!

I feel like the past few months have defiantly had a positive impact on me. It has had a positive impact on my confidence and me overall, and I am so happy that I have had the chance to experience things like this. I know to most people that this isn’t that big of a deal because its something that they are used to or have done before but this was my first time and I am glad that I experienced it with who I did. I made a solid bunch of new friends and had the experience of my lifetime.

Just over a week later, I am feeling so happy and proud of myself! I just can’t believe that I managed to get over my fear. I can’t believe its all over, I had such a good time and can’t thank the people I worked with enough. All the support that I have been given means ever so much to me.

I don’t particularly know how to end this post, I feel as if I have written loads, but I am so happy and proud of myself, so I’m going to end with a piece of advice. If you are scared of something or have a fear that you think is possible to be conquered than just go for it! Sitting and hoping that the fear will go away isn’t going to work, trust me I know! You will feel so much better after you have done it. Whether it’s a big fear or a small fear, if you put your mind to it and get enough support then anything is possible!

Okay, so that’s it from me this week, I’m really proud of myself and this blog post! I guess it’s another thing on the list that I have achieved this year! Thank you to those that have supported me through this, you know who you are! It is greatly appreciated! My next blog post will be up on Monday! Have hope and stay strong! Conquer your fears and have no regrets! Much love – Alison xx

A – Z Challenge! (My own style)

Hey guys, so recently I have been seeing a lot of these A – Z Challenges on my blog feed, I wanted to take part but I wanted to do it my own way and make it my own style. I was thinking about doing a different one every week but that’s a lot of blog posts and I would still be writing out the challenge by next year. So I thought, why not put it all into one blog post and switch it up a bit. Make it my own challenge. 

The initial idea for the actual challenge that others are doing is to write a blog post daily / weekly, but they have to write a blog post about the letter, so they start with A and make their way to Z, writing about 26 different words. I think its a great idea, but I thought I could mix it in with my blog.

I’m going to be writing 26 different words below (A – Z), but the words I pick will be linking to myself, my blog, an experience or a quote. Some of the letters I had difficulty with so I asked a few friends to help me pick (Thank you). I feel like its a bit of a chilled post! 

Hope you enjoy and maybe even learn a little more about me and the purpose of this blog.

Here goes…

A – Appreciate… I appreciate all the support that I get from everyone, it means so much to me and I wouldn’t be where I am today without all the support I have been given.

B – Bullies… They are the reason I am writing this blog, they have helped shape me into who I am. Although they have hurt me, they have made me stronger.

C – Chewing Gum… I’ve had a few difficult experiences with chewing gum, where people have found it funny to put it in my hair or on my clothes, it is nearly impossible to get off and its a right pain too!

D – Dreams… If you really, really want something in life then go for it. Go for your dreams and achieve as much as you can! You deserve it!

E – Enjoyable… Writing blog posts is enjoyable, its something that I love! I defiantly enjoy it when someone speaks to me face to face about how my blog has helped them. Oh! And all your wonderful comments are lovely to read!

F – Friends and family… The people that support me through everything, the people that I would be lost without.

G – Grateful… I am so grateful for all the support that I got through Pride of Reading and the support that I have gotten since I have started this blog.

H – Hopeful… You’ve got to have hope, no matter where you are at this point in your life, you have to stay hopeful and believe that even the impossible could happen!

I – Inspired… When I get told by someone that I have helped them, it really inspires me to write about how, and it even helps me improve the way I can help others.

J – J.K. Rowling… An amazing women that taught me that its okay to get your head stuck in a book. She taught me that even when things are going wrong in reality there is always fiction that can distract me from the real world. Wizards are better anyways!

K – “Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”  ― R.J. Palacio, Wonder.

L – Libraries… I ended up spending a lot of time in libraries from years 7 to 10, the library ended up being my favourite place to be. Getting stuck in a good book in a library is defiantly how to spend an hour usefully and still be happy with it!

M – Memories… My experiences that are now memories have moulded me into who I am.

N – Nervous… Something that I end up feeling a lot, but without the support from my friends and my dad I wouldn’t have done all of the things that I have done.

O – Old friends… “Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.” – Francis Bacon

P – Pride of Reading… This blog most likely wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for Pride of Reading, I didn’t think I was going to win the award that I was nominated for, I’m so very grateful to the people that have carried on supporting me since then and the awareness I have been able to raise about bullying due to this.

Q – (My favourite) Quote… “Be happy, be who you want to be. If others don’t like it then let them be. As the saying goes, happiness is a choice. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody!” – Unknown.

R – Role model… My dad is my role model, he means ever so much to me!

S – School… A place that I once loved to go, then hated, and now I’m starting to tolerate it. That’s all I have to say really…

T – Time… Over a long period of time I have managed to get myself to a good place for where I hoped to be. The ones that have brought me down are the ones that have made me stronger.

U – Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.” – Margaret Cho 

V – “Value friendship for what there is in it, not for what can be gotten out of it.” – H. Clay Trumbull

W – “Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.” â€“ Dr. Robert Anthony

X – XIEXIE… (I googled this…) I found out that it’s Chinease for thank you.

Y – You are loved… Because no matter how many times you think you aren’t and even when you have doubts you are still loved! It is important that you love yourself too.

Z – “Zeal without humanity is like a ship without a rudder, liable to be stranded at any moment.” – Owen Felltham

Okay, so that’s it from me for this week. I completed the challenge, it was actually really difficult looking for words that I wouldn’t usually use, it got more difficult towards the end. I had to Google a few… 

But anyways I hope everyone has a good rest of their week and I hope that those of you that had to collect their A Level results done well, no matter what you got, I’m proud of you! Have hope, stay strong and keep smiling! New blog post up next Thursday! Much love – Alison xx