This is weird but I don’t think I’ll ever escape…

I SHOULD just ignore you…

I SHOULD just be getting on with writing this essay that’s due soon…

I SHOULD just be going about my day as if nothing has happened…

BUT why can’t you leave me alone? We left school 2 years ago, that’s enough time for incidents to be forgotten, for people to be forgotten. For YOU to get on with your life. For ME to finally move on from everything that happened. But WHY won’t YOU let that that happen?

The “No Caller ID” calls? The anonymous comments on my blog? The fake Instagram pages sending me DM’s? The shouting out of car windows when you go past? The threats? The messages that I get from other people because you’ve messaged them asking where I live and what I’m doing with my life?

WHY?

Why can’t you leave me alone?

Why can’t you just stop all these unnecessary, childish games?

I don’t find them funny. It doesn’t upset me, I just don’t understand???

Why can’t you just move on?

Do something interesting with your life that doesn’t involve prank calling me? Threats to beat me up? To ruin my life? To rape me? Do you not realise how disgusting that is?

Do you not realise that your words could have an affect on someone? I’m lucky me, I got people that support me when stuff like this happens, they show me that I don’t need to listen to you.

I just don’t understand. We left school 2 years ago but your still acting as if we’re in the playground?

Writing about this is weird and probably unnecessary but so is what they do to me, so why should I not write?

Writing is my escape but funnily enough I don’t feel like I can escape this.

I blocked the numbers, I blocked the fake accounts, I blocked the people that used to make me feel uncomfortable. I even changed my number (TWICE), but there seems no way to escape?

I know it’s more than one group of people. I just don’t understand. WHY can’t you leave me alone?

I know you’ll probably read this and laugh, cause why couldn’t I just ignore it? Why did I have to write this?

But why do you have to do what you do?

Writing is my escape, and I won’t apologise for posting this. I just think it’s time that people grow up and leave me alone. I don’t see why I should be quiet anymore.

Cheers – Ally x

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A Little Update | I’ll be back soon…

Hey guys, it’s been 4 months and I still haven’t posted, sorry! I’ve been so busy. I’m working on it. I’ve been so busy with the course I’m doing and working, I can’t really say it’s going to get any better. Exams are coming up so I’m getting prepared for those. Just a little update though to say that I’m not dead and will try and write again soon.

A girl needs her mental health breaks, you know?

I’ve been writing down my ideas and planning as I go, I ain’t forgot about this blog and I promise I’ll be back soon! There’s a lot of content coming soon.

Anyways, until next time – I hope you are well and living your best life! And if you got exams coming up, I wish you the best of luck, you’ll smash it! Much love – Ally xx

Anti-Bullying Week 2017

Hi guys! So I haven’t posted in a while and I apologise for that (I’ve been asked by a few people to post something – I got asked in September but I haven’t felt like writing). Thing is, this blog is like my diary, a place to write when I’m upset or frustrated about something and over the past few months, I really haven’t felt that way.

I’ll explain. I went from somewhere where I was afraid to walk around, wouldn’t say boo to a ghost, I was scared to even go to school, let alone be who I really am. However, in September, I started college, I’m 3 months into college and I love it! I’ve made friends, something I didn’t think I would do, I haven’t had anyone say anything horrible to me, and I’m not worried about walking around. I actually like waking up early in the morning to go to college. Whereas with sixth form, I dreaded it and had to be dragged out of bed in the morning.

Being 100% honest, my dad told me to apply for college and I’m so lucky and grateful that he did because I am having a great time there and have met amazing people who I know I’m going to be friends with for a long time. I didn’t want to apply, he told me I needed to apply or give up on education as I didn’t have another choice. I was so scared, I really didn’t want to go, I didn’t even want to try it, to see what it was like.

I don’t think it’s an age thing, it’s because I genuinely am in a better environment. But I don’t think I would be who I am without the experiences I had.

At Little Heath School, I had horrible things said to me on almost a daily basis, I was pushed around and terrified to walk down the alley to go to school and go home. I was terrified to sit on my own during free periods, terrified to even go and get my lunch on my own. I was in a really bad place, I didn’t want to go to the sixth form anymore but had to – just to get the grades that I needed to get into college.

I’m now in a place where they have a zero tolerance of any kind of bullying, where if anyone bullies someone they get kicked out, they actually care about students wellbeing and what they think about themselves. I know this is true and not something that they say to keep people happy as I’ve witnessed it where someone has been told off and sent to an office where they got told they were getting kicked out if they carried on.

Too right as well, no one deserves to get bullied. I wouldn’t wish some of the stuff that has happened to me, on anyone, no one deserves it, I know what it did to me and so I wouldn’t want that to happen to anyone else.

On my first day at college, I was nervous as heck, I didn’t think I would make any friends. I knew people there already but they are doing a different course to me and so I knew I wouldn’t see them as much as I would want to in college. On the first day, I was put with two people who helped me develop my confidence (to walk into the lunch hall) (to spend free periods by myself), it sounds stupid but after Little Heath, I really was THAT scared.

I then ended up making friends with this lovely group of girls and I don’t really know how it happened, we’re on the same course but I don’t know how I went from being really shy and not talking to anyone (I tried but it was difficult), to being able to have friendly banter, sing along on coaches (even if it is to High School Musical) and be genuinely comfortable around them. It’s odd but it happened and I’m honestly really happy.

I’m not saying I didn’t have this at Little Heath, I did, but only with a few people and I was terrified to walk around. Whereas now, I’m not, we spend our lunches singing or messing about. I can walk into the lunch hall without worrying about what people say, and I’m genuinely happy to be there.

To my actual point of this post…

This week is Anti-Bullying Week and I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, so here I am, having my voice heard, sat here writing this post.

If you are being bullied or know someone who is, speak out, tell someone, or if you know someone who is being bullied try to support them as much as you can.

I know that if it weren’t for three of the teachers, support from some of my friends and the support from my dad, that I wouldn’t have made it out of Little Heath, I would have given up and left. So in a way, I would have made it out of Little Heath but it would have been pointless, the last 7 years of me struggling and putting in effort to pass would have been for nothing – but I did it, I pulled through and managed to finish, no matter how difficult things got towards the end.

So please, for your own sake, tell someone, a parent, a friend, a sibling, even your favourite teacher – someone is bound to help you and hopefully, it will get sorted.

Bullying in schools needs to be taken more seriously, I was told so many times, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you”, the thing is they do hurt, and yes some people can ignore it but I am one of those that can’t. However, now I’m sort of in a place where I don’t care, mainly because I’m not worried about seeing them daily, or being physically hurt. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, I can have a good old rant to my best mate over text about how I hate bullies and it’s all better, I feel so much better after.

So this year, I’m saying enough is enough, I will no longer let myself care about what you say because although it is tough sometimes, the bullies are not worth it.

So whether it’s bullying that’s happening face to face or bullying that’s happening online, tell someone, it won’t make the situation worse.

Speak out, support others and do something about it. Don’t let people stand alone, don’t let the bullies win.

I’m really lucky, I have a really good support system, I have my dad, my brother and some of my family. My friends that I have known for the longest time (you know who you are), the guys and girls from Young Carers, and the new people who I have met at college.

If you lot see this, thank you, you all mean so much to me. I miss a lot of you (Those that I haven’t seen in a while) and I always end up taking a leaf out of your books, I walk around with my head held high and I focus on my good days, not my bad days. I do realise that things do get better and although I didn’t believe it, to begin with, deep down I believe its true – even on the days that are really bad.

A big thank you to two of the greatest people I have ever met for helping me get around the college and help me out with where I was going, introducing me to people, etc. It is greatly appreciated. Also a big thank you to those that text me day in, day out when I was alone to make sure I was okay.

Last one – Another big thank you to the girls at college (whether you see this or not, I mean every word, as cheesy as it is), thank you for accepting me, understanding me and allowing me to be who I really am, I don’t have to pretend or tone it done and that is great! You allow me to be the crazy me, I have always been. Purely because you lot are just as crazy as me (I’m not saying High School Musical is a bad choice of songs but this sentence kind of sums it up).

Okay so that’s it, I will try to post more. I have some things in my drafts that need posting, it’s just having the time to do it, but I shall try. This was my space to rant and write and express myself when I couldn’t elsewhere, and now that I can be who I truly am without any grief, I don’t really have to write anymore. I’m not saying I don’t love writing, I just have less reason to. So I’m going to turn this space into somewhere, where people can read and get help with whatever they may be going through – that’s the goal anyway. Have a good week, keep smiling and stay strong. Leave a comment and I’ll get back to you as soon as I see it (as always). Much love, Ally xx

A – Z Challenge! (My own style)

Hey guys, so recently I have been seeing a lot of these A – Z Challenges on my blog feed, I wanted to take part but I wanted to do it my own way and make it my own style. I was thinking about doing a different one every week but that’s a lot of blog posts and I would still be writing out the challenge by next year. So I thought, why not put it all into one blog post and switch it up a bit. Make it my own challenge. 

The initial idea for the actual challenge that others are doing is to write a blog post daily / weekly, but they have to write a blog post about the letter, so they start with A and make their way to Z, writing about 26 different words. I think its a great idea, but I thought I could mix it in with my blog.

I’m going to be writing 26 different words below (A – Z), but the words I pick will be linking to myself, my blog, an experience or a quote. Some of the letters I had difficulty with so I asked a few friends to help me pick (Thank you). I feel like its a bit of a chilled post! 

Hope you enjoy and maybe even learn a little more about me and the purpose of this blog.

Here goes…

A – Appreciate… I appreciate all the support that I get from everyone, it means so much to me and I wouldn’t be where I am today without all the support I have been given.

B – Bullies… They are the reason I am writing this blog, they have helped shape me into who I am. Although they have hurt me, they have made me stronger.

C – Chewing Gum… I’ve had a few difficult experiences with chewing gum, where people have found it funny to put it in my hair or on my clothes, it is nearly impossible to get off and its a right pain too!

D – Dreams… If you really, really want something in life then go for it. Go for your dreams and achieve as much as you can! You deserve it!

E – Enjoyable… Writing blog posts is enjoyable, its something that I love! I defiantly enjoy it when someone speaks to me face to face about how my blog has helped them. Oh! And all your wonderful comments are lovely to read!

F – Friends and family… The people that support me through everything, the people that I would be lost without.

G – Grateful… I am so grateful for all the support that I got through Pride of Reading and the support that I have gotten since I have started this blog.

H – Hopeful… You’ve got to have hope, no matter where you are at this point in your life, you have to stay hopeful and believe that even the impossible could happen!

I – Inspired… When I get told by someone that I have helped them, it really inspires me to write about how, and it even helps me improve the way I can help others.

J – J.K. Rowling… An amazing women that taught me that its okay to get your head stuck in a book. She taught me that even when things are going wrong in reality there is always fiction that can distract me from the real world. Wizards are better anyways!

K – “Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”  ― R.J. Palacio, Wonder.

L – Libraries… I ended up spending a lot of time in libraries from years 7 to 10, the library ended up being my favourite place to be. Getting stuck in a good book in a library is defiantly how to spend an hour usefully and still be happy with it!

M – Memories… My experiences that are now memories have moulded me into who I am.

N – Nervous… Something that I end up feeling a lot, but without the support from my friends and my dad I wouldn’t have done all of the things that I have done.

O – Old friends… “Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.” – Francis Bacon

P – Pride of Reading… This blog most likely wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for Pride of Reading, I didn’t think I was going to win the award that I was nominated for, I’m so very grateful to the people that have carried on supporting me since then and the awareness I have been able to raise about bullying due to this.

Q – (My favourite) Quote… “Be happy, be who you want to be. If others don’t like it then let them be. As the saying goes, happiness is a choice. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody!” – Unknown.

R – Role model… My dad is my role model, he means ever so much to me!

S – School… A place that I once loved to go, then hated, and now I’m starting to tolerate it. That’s all I have to say really…

T – Time… Over a long period of time I have managed to get myself to a good place for where I hoped to be. The ones that have brought me down are the ones that have made me stronger.

U – Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.” – Margaret Cho 

V – “Value friendship for what there is in it, not for what can be gotten out of it.” – H. Clay Trumbull

W – “Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.” Dr. Robert Anthony

X – XIEXIE… (I googled this…) I found out that it’s Chinease for thank you.

Y – You are loved… Because no matter how many times you think you aren’t and even when you have doubts you are still loved! It is important that you love yourself too.

Z – “Zeal without humanity is like a ship without a rudder, liable to be stranded at any moment.” – Owen Felltham

Okay, so that’s it from me for this week. I completed the challenge, it was actually really difficult looking for words that I wouldn’t usually use, it got more difficult towards the end. I had to Google a few… 

But anyways I hope everyone has a good rest of their week and I hope that those of you that had to collect their A Level results done well, no matter what you got, I’m proud of you! Have hope, stay strong and keep smiling! New blog post up next Thursday! Much love – Alison xx