Once again I’m opening up to the internet, this is the moment where I secretly hide under a cover as I write and post this… On Sunday, it was three years since I had got hit by a taxi. Now before you read that and ask, “Well why are you posting about this?”, I’m writing about it to open up. I finally feel as if I can talk about it and all the bullying I got because of it. If you are a decent human being then you hopefully won’t laugh or comment anything hurtful.
I can’t really remember what was happening, all I can remember was that I was on my way to counselling and then next thing you know I’m on the floor. I had the next day off school and didn’t tell ANYONE what happened, because I knew exactly what would happen. I knew that I would get picked on for it. I went back to school, two days after the accident happened, walked into form and BOOM, everyone knew about it. I instantly walked back out and phoned my dad, he said that I should try and stay at school and see what happens, that I had to try not to worry and to keep calm. My phone was blowing up with a load of people that didn’t even usually talk to me, asking if it was true. I’m not going to lie, I felt trapped, I felt as if I couldn’t escape, it hurt. I used my phone as a way to escape from everything but that was blowing up to and I didn’t know what to do. Anyone that is reading this is probably wondering why I didn’t just ignore it, truth is, when you walk into your form room and things are said it is hard to block it out, same as when I went on my phone, my phone is my escape so it was really difficult for me to ignore anything that was said because it was everywhere.
I had to spend the next month with people talking about it, laughing at me and sending me horrible messages. How can you ignore that? I wanted to become invisible. I wanted to leave school. I wanted everything to be normal again, normal for me was being picked on about my weight so me writing that doesn’t really make sense. I just wanted everyone to be quiet and talk about something else.
Whenever I got hate about it, whether it was over text or face to face, sometimes I would use humour to try and ease the pain that they were causing, it only worked 6 times out of 10, the other times, I would get a horrible reply or people would laugh at the other persons insult. I just felt so isolated, I didn’t know what to do.
What I still don’t understand though is why they laughed? What’s so funny about being hit by a taxi? Is it amusing? You hear every other day that someone has been hit by a car and someone has died, why don’t you laugh about that? I’ll tell you why, because it’s cruel. So if you won’t laugh about some random person dying in a bike accident (I’m not saying you should – IT’S WRONG!!!), why laugh about my bike accident? I don’t think I will ever be able to understand it. I asked someone a few months ago why they laughed about it, and all I got was, “Because it was funny.” Would it have been funny if I was put in hospital? Don’t even answer that because I know for some people, the answer would still be yes.
Some people still talk about it now, I’ll be laughing with someone about something and someone will say, “Do you remember that time when you got hit by a taxi?” or I’ll get random comments about how “hilarious” it was that it happened to me.
When I opened up about it – After everyone knew, I got so many comments and messages about it. Not going to lie, it hurt. Some people don’t understand that something like that could have an impact on that person, even if there wasn’t a physical impact. There was definitely a emotional and mental impact. I was terrified of going to school because I knew things would be said to me. It also had an impact on me when I got my new bike, I wouldn’t ride my bike anywhere for a whole month because I was worried it would happen again, and even when I did manage to start riding my bike again, it wasn’t the same. I had this constant worry that it would happen again. It still kind of does, have an impact on me…
I realise that the screenshots that I have shown aren’t really that bad (to some peoples standards) but I’m telling you, that’s just a few of them, I had to be careful with what I put up because some of the language was so vulgar.
I told my cousin what I was going to write about on my blog this week and he asked me if I really wanted to bring this back. I thought about it all week, I wrote half of this and then came back to it. I am so much stronger (Mentally and emotionally) than I was three years ago, half the time people say things to me, I am able to ignore them. So yes, I am going to post this and I probably will get some sort of comments from ignorant people, but hey, that’s okay. It’s people like you that make me stronger (Mentally and emotionally), so I guess, really, I should be thanking you. But of course I won’t, cause I’m not thankful for what you put me through.
I want to say thank you to all of those people (You know who you are) that supported me through this, it means so much to me, I don’t know what I would do without you! Especially a big thank you to my dad for being there for me through all of this, I love you.
Okay, so, that’s it from me for this week! Hope you are enjoying reading my blog posts. Thank you so much for all the support! We broke up from school today for Easter half term, so if you also get half term, hope you have a great one and if not, enjoy the bank holidays! New blog post next Thursday! Much love – Alison xx