Defining myself as a person.

I am not the horrible words you call me. Yes, that is your opinion of me (You are entitled to your opinion, of course you are.)  but you don’t know me, you know my name and that is it. How can you sit there and call someone horrible names to the point where that person doesn’t want to come to school the next day just because they know they’ll get the same thing the very next day. How can you do that to someone and be okay with what you are doing? It’s horrible.

After finishing my exams I started to get myself to a good point, I finally accepted myself for who I am. Over the summer and the past few weeks I have been so happy because of this, it’s taken me so long to try to accept myself. Bullying has made it difficult for me to accept myself for who I am and as I finally do it someone wants to ruin it for me. But why should you be able to ruin this for me? What right do you have to do that?

I’m happy with who I am and I don’t need the fat jokes or comments following me around school or on the way home. At first it was just one person but ‘cause I ignored it you think it’s okay to get your mates to join in as well? How horrible can someone get? I don’t even know you, I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong to deserve this and I’ve been thinking about it and asking my friends, I don’t deserve it. To you it’s a joke but I for one am not a joke and I’m not putting up with it.

I decided I’d be a individual and change the way my hair was, that’s what started this and at first I really did not care but then because I wasn’t listening and I was ignoring it, of course, the fat jokes and comments had to be included. Take the micky out of her hair, doesn’t work, dammit. Bully her about her weight, oh wait, she’s getting upset, let’s do it some more. There is no logic to that. Obviously if I didn’t like it when you were taking the micky out of my hair how am I going to be okay with you making jokes about my weight? Oh wait, I’m not, that’s why your doing it. It’s pathetic. I’ve came to realise if I was a bully and done to people what they did to me then they would want me to stop and most likely wouldn’t bully anyone again. But why would I do that when I know what it feels like? I wouldn’t.

Okay, I’m sorry, I’ve gone off on a bit of a rant about this. The whole point of this post was to define myself. Okay…So if I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see a ugly or fat person anymore, not like I used to, I just see me. I try to be the kindest I can be to anyone that will take my kindness, I try to spread happiness to those who need it. I don’t understand how someone can sit there and say that a person is fat or ugly, being honest I don’t think anyone is ugly, people know what kind of person they are attracted to but someone’s view of beauty can be someone else’s view of ugly and that is what I find absolutely ridiculous. I mean, if you don’t think someone is attractive keep it to yourself, don’t spread hate, you have no idea what that person is going through, you don’t have the right to make someone feel worthless. I also don’t think that anyone is fat, their just “big boned” – (I used to get told that that’s what I was all the time) – How skinny is too skinny and how big is too big? Now I know I’m going to get a remark about that question but who is it for you to decide who is fat and who is ugly?

Being honest with myself, I know I’m “big boned” but if you really knew me, does my size matter? I don’t know about you but when I started making friends, I didn’t care about what they looked like, if they were a nice person and had something in common with me then we made friends. Practically all my friendships happened like that, I started talking to someone, realised we liked the same band or something, figured they were a nice person and BOOM, that is how I made friends with people, still is. Why can’t other people do that, instead of just making friends with some people and then being horrible to the ones that aren’t their friends just because you think their ugly or fat…If you can’t tell by now, this issue really bothers me…

I’ve defined myself. I then asked a few of my friends to give me a sentence or a word that defines me, but only one sentence, no more than one. This is what happened… Honestly, I didn’t realise that is what they thought of me, it makes me so happy thinking that.

“Funny, smart, bright, you always make people laugh” – Bethany

“One sentence can’t describe how wonderful you are but I’ll use these three words instead; beautiful, unique and perfect xoxo.” – Callie

“Your funny” – Georgina

“Bright, funny, energetic, and always has time for people to talk” – Sam

“A unique human who devotes her time to others a fallen angel who I can trust and depend on you are not a friend but family” – Chloe

“A great friend that is there for you if and when you need her.” – Bradley

“I think you’re beautiful, kind-hearted and thoughtful” – Angel

“A bubbly, loud and fun person who is a great laugh; but if you need someone to talk to about serious stuff, she’s always that person too.” – Maddy

“A beautiful person all round who could brighten anyone’s day regardless.” – Ruth.

“You can’t be explained in one sentence, I need more than one sentence.” – Jake.

“Your a beautiful, caring, compassionate, wonderful, amazing, joyful specimen, that I love very much.” – Bethany.

“Your a bubbly chocolate bar, but with some cracks in it. This is a metaphorical sentence representing you. The chocolate could heal it’s cracks but doesn’t know how to. But then again chocolate doesn’t do that unless it melts and then hardens again. The cracks represent pain, the melting and hardening do justice for the chocolate bar.” – Liam. Now I know this is more than one sentence, he actually just said I was a bubbly chocolate bar but I didn’t understand what he meant by that so we talked about it until I understood it and this is what we came up with.

So my question to the boys that think it is okay to call me fat is: If you really don’t know me, how can you define me as fat or ugly when my friends think different. It’s about personality not appearance, take notes.

Thanks for reading, I would say I’m sorry for kind of having a rant about this issue of mine but then again I’m not sorry at all. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders. If you have an opinion on this issue then email: myinsanewxnderland@gmail.com or tweet me (@pink_duck1) or comment on Facebook. Have a good rest of your week, keep smiling! Smile – Alison xx

Advertisements